Went into the entryway of this private club today to use the Wifi so I could get to dreaded Walmart. The place was a private gay sex club by the looks of what was behind the counter in the caged off greeting booth.
They were nice about my using the internet. Good looking guy looked me up and down as he walked out he asked if i logged on ok.
I got my bus route and walked out.
As i walked towards my bus stop I noticed a change in myself. That I kept thinking about how attractive the man walking out was. I began to obsess moreso over sexualized thoughts. I noticed I had physical arousal when Id walked out of there.
Eventually I had to sit down and chill it got so bad. I realizrd the club must be full of some chemical like drugs such as ecstasy or something like that, even pheromones or hormones.
I wanted to have sex with the frickin batch of flies buzzing around near the little fractured nnnnn I was sitting on, behind me big metal storage cube on a used car lot.
I wanted to have sex with every living thing-a ladybug, people walking by. And Iwanted to lick everything in sight for some reason. It was funny but more frightening as I felt sexually maniacal.
Music was disturbing so I turned it off, the sounds of cars and horns were loud and agitated me.
I kept laughing occasionally at how ridiculous my thoughts were.
I had a bit of tobacco out of my small metal pipe but kept being more enthralled by the lighter flame than smoking.
I did not like the out of control feeling and to be honest by nature and at this age I already have sex on my mind interfering with my day to begin with. I dont need any kind of crazy ass sex drug.
I got myself together after a time and went to my stop. One enjoyable after effect was my perception of my mp3 collection was now clearer, as if I could percieve every sound with clarity and pleasure again.
I got something out of it though. I realized how much ive been missing in life while everyone else had lived well. I could accept that my mother had betrayed me :that she had done something so criminal by helping the people who wanted me gone and silenced in boston.
And what a conspiracy this was of so many people there. That she didnt want me to go to that hypnotist most of.all to recall memories becuz she wud b exposed for her part in all this.
That i did indeed know too much wbout my old ex friends criminal enterprise back in boston.
That everyone in on this was depending on my being weak. Too weakend to ever fight back.
That these people had taken advantage of my sensitive nature and being a genuinely good person. Becuz they were on the level of beasts and cunning, violence and underhandedly fu king people over was all they understood-its what their definition of strength was.
America is a bunch of shitheads that only focus on money and power-the worst of the totally male mind was all that was expressed in the USA.
Is THIS how men's minds work? For hours afterwards I thought like men must. Every female was a turn on, the thought that they all produce children for males. Older women were acceptable to me due to the idea that they had performed their duty to huMANity by having children in their day. Yet all females were inferior somehow.
If women looked smart or cunning, then I had the thought that that one was somewhat smart and might know whats going on...but of course never to the extent of men.
The world was enjoyqble as all healthy, fertile females were being copulated by males to produce children. The ones with fat bodies were doing their jobs and the younger ones would soon be mated by males, which was also acceptable.
Bright lights like the ones on buses were so extra bright and seemed to catch my attention even keep me in line somehow.
Yet I also had strength now within myself to avoid anything that crossed my path or tried to break my confidence.
There's a reason that this system goes after certain females at a specific age. They know what this system can do to a female's transition into middle age and pre menopause.
They are ensuring older women dont have any power to play revolutionary and fix problems or improve things.
Labeling revolutionaries as mentally ill is historically what the powers that be do. Nothing is so different now. What has changed is the capacity for those in power to utilize great progresses in technology as well as chemistry and psychology to influence and control the masses and their environment.
This experience also made me realize that America only works and functions becuz most of the population is either on drugs, has been or will be at some point. Either illegal drugs or what psychiatry's Big Pharma prescribes to them.
Sugar, coffee and tobacco are all drugs.
Its one major reason America can't evolve, grow up or maintain a balance that's sane and reasonable. Americans' denial and puritanical attitudes hide the fact that the United States is a country full of sick and suffering addicts.
Consumerism counts as well. 'Retail therapy', wtf is that?
It made me see just how dependent Americans are on mind altering substances or experiences yet due to not admitting these ARE mind altering and ritualistic, people don't gain wisdom or grow. They only maintain their position in American society's lifestyles and state of mind, body and spirit.
I learned alot from this. Mostly that this campaign is to ensure i stay a guilt ridden kept down person who lives like a nun and feels they must live with being forced to sacrifice my life. Which isnt necessary but when you brainwash someone long enough...
It stands to reason that if multiple covert and overt druggings in unison with isolation, disorientation, brain damage, torture and deception made me become so brainwashed that contact with another sort of substance may also alter my perceptions.
5 hours ago