Heavy gang stalking like EVERYWHERE, all the time EVERYDAY in this area. I think Ive been here too long, a year now and its probably the longest I've spent here since I became targeted 24/7 and started to travel when I became homeless in 2006.
There isnt a moments peace and people are doing tactics everywhere I go, people or locations you could tell before were in on it by thier behavior but they just didn't do anything tactical. Just gave me attitude or something like that or people working in a certain place gave me a hard time now its a blanketing of consistent gang stalking tactics.
I think they dont want me staying in one place this long becuz I will get well known to people locally. I could be an attempt to continue to keep me 'on the run' like in years before.
The environment here is ultimately depressing and causing hopelessness around my completing my project. Giving up trying is definitely being pushed and its different from years prior where torture might have been present causing hopelessness or depression in a temporary moment where I could come back from it or it would cause a level of torment I could push against and still function.
Now its the effect Ive never had before which is to give in based not on adversity directly going up against me but the idea that no one cares, no one is listening, my work does not matter, its been too long, its gone too far, the world is bigger than I am, in the big picuture I dont matter and I am just one person. The worst is that one person was sacrificed so that alot of people could benefit.
Just settle down, dont travel, let alot of things go.
Its a strange effect I have never encountered or perhaps I have I just always left the area. WTF is this anyway? How can whatever they are using Monday-Friday be so effective in convincing a long time activist whos work is based on thier life being taken from them that that life's work is now unworthy of being finished or that one person's ambitions or goals dont matter in relation to society?
Its a total destruction of my individuality. Its like they are marketing integration into society here in this area. The now constant gang stalking, this obsession with trying to figure out why things have changed since Menino died and becoming bitter towards his time in office (which is unfair becuz I cant be sure if life was better or worse during his time as mayor. It just seems that torture was used but I had less instances of daily interactions with perps blanketing the area EVERYWHERE I went).
Its amazing the demotivational effect. To no longer have the desire to call lawyers or even ask about my situation? They are making me feel very bad and unimportant and certainly are using my having a backpack and being 'homeless' against me everyday I travel around Boston moreso than Cambridge and using my probation situation against me, along with constant gang stalking everywhere in order to make me feel fallen from grace and/or shunned or isolated from the community.
The interface is still very much there and its really annoying. I get this false interface constantly that lots of people read my blogs, even the one that I dont have posted here as its content is different.
And I cant really write about what I want to freely. I cant think straight, I cant get out what I want to say, Im totally censored and kept down. I also have the effect of feeling like EVERYTHING I do, listen to on my mp3 or say or write is being monitored which is also new. NO PRIVACY at all, and that also goes away slowly on the weekends. People are reading supposedly but my work is of no consequence. Which isnt true becuz less people are reading my blog than ever before according to the stats that come up when I open it..which I ignore. Ive always just wanted to do this for myself or to expose the system for others or for my own revenge or self defense. I am now not allowed to please myself but must care about what society at large thinks or judges which is bullshit because I am kept isolated by perps and psy ops which is not society at large but a small controlled environment locally. Which of course they dont want me to leave now theyve had thier claws into me for a year.
Only on days like this, Saturdays and Sundays can I feel that the control breaks. Its like clouds breaking up and sunlight showing through. Ive posted this for years that in this area I often feel like I am not present in my body like I dont get to experience life organically. I have some independence some control. I can feel my strength in my body I can sense the space around me. I feel my own human strength and power, I feel I am in control and the interface is less.
This area of the country has become under total control using tourism and security since the bombing as excuses. Its not even a decent place to live anymore. It doesnt even exist, you cant realllly actually exist freely here as a human being.
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