All I want is to visit another country and I am being tormented daily. Its ridiculous.
I think I finally understand why I am being guided out of usa on a deadline or schedule it seems.
I am so isolated by this system and kept from society that I didnt know it was going to be implemented.
In back of my mind I kept wondering why i hadnt heard or seen anything of it if it passed. They keep me so busy so handled and so dumbed down lately that I cant even think logically anymore.
That very sensible question just kept leaving my mind.
Someone on the bus told me abkut it. The timing makes sense.
And so does the attitude of the amerocan people to put more money into mental health due to all the lone shootings...under tje Obama admin of course.
Obamacare mentions microchips but only the creation of a registry for medical use ones. Not this forced mark of the beast conspiracy theory that is all over the internet.
The problem lies in the system not telling people exactly what these technologies are capable of or people being exposed to the more sinister uses of them.
There is something wrong with Obamacare. And something very bad is going to happen soon.
Then again, this may be the systems way of finally finishing me off.
With the way the mind control has been over last few years- I mean its content, it has truly become a 'theres no way out and nowhere to run or hide' type of reality...at least that I live in.
Id rather be being tortured within an inch of my life during Bush. Those 'miss me yet?' Bush posters make me laugh.
Yes I miss my youth and being fucked with in an honest and forthright, hateful manner. We cud see the bad guys back then. Obama has got us totally asleep and fooled.
The daily torture now consists of never fucking being able to focus on anything and forgetting things as if I was 80years old.
I cant stop obsesskng over food and the idea that I am overweight and old is a constant, non stop harassment. Its behavioral conditioning as well.
Ive almost completely lost any sense of identity or who I am under the Obama administration.
under each Bush admin my life became difficult and I was tormented. But it was always severe, extreme and so udderly outrageous that I knew I was being fucked with.
This time its about putting me out to pasture with a total labotomy and a statd of mind resembling mental retardation.
That isnt living. Someone tryijg to kill you or pulling off crazy shit is living. This is absolutely the worst part of my life in all my years of living.
Its not even my life nor does it seem real. I am sick of feeling disconnected from my own life and identity.
People do not understand how dangerous Obama is. And my former companion refuses to see how evil and messed up both parties are in USA even w all he has seen travelping w me.
Which means I was probably right about his working for the system. He is obsesssd with hating rkgjt wing repubs and thinks obamacare is great.
I need to go somewhere in the world where people understand how screwed up thw USA truly is. That its all gone too far and no party is trustworthy anymore.
Im being tortured into going baxk to Boston but I dont becuz I knlw how that place has changed, hpw its too far gone. How it kicks my ass the same way everytome I return there.
Its un navigatable. It is gone, done and over wirh and impossible to deal with or ace successfilly.
So why wud I go back there?
I am leaving becuz there IS no place to go in the USA. I shud know ive been traveling it for seven years being targeted.
Whatever safety was on the road or in the homeless scene or alt areas or scenes is now gone. Since 2010 or 11 the country sucks more and more everywhere I go.
Hitchhiking and urban camping are becomokng illegal or impossible to do:
And tjanks to these creepy business associations.
I want nothing more to do with Obama and I am sick of going thru supposedly hip areas and seeing nothing but his praises and bumper stickers saying Obama Biden.
I realize that alternative now means alt MAINSTREAM and free range Capitalism. Kids living in punk houses are not doing anythjng either except living off of the alternative mainstream society in those areas.
Nothing truly rebellious is allowed in the US. Its prpobably considered terrorism.
I am sick of looking at a citozenry who are watching me slowly dying due to what thjs system has done. They dont care.
They act like its over. That I am sentencdd to deatj and thjs is how its going to go.
I cannot be around this.
Thats becuz anyone who is truly disatisfied has left already. Why wud I want to live among people who are ok with living in America?
Fuck them and fuck this place.
I want to give up on the United States , badly. Becuz that is how they want it.
Yet the systdm seems to not want me to give up on America and my place in it, my rights, tje injustices and what I am owed-but on a daily basis this system wont let me.
I am not playing these games anymore. They are just headgames. There is no justice possible and I hate America for what is done to me.
For forty two years of my life.
My thirties and forties shud have been way easier than this, considering how awful the system made my twenties.
I refuse to play jnto these impossible struggles. These dramas.
I cant be effective in doing activism here bexuz I cant express myself hpnestly or intelligently.
I spend my days being forgetful and being harassed into calling people 'n*gger' ten times a day.
That kind of struggle up against that isnt what I want for the remainder of my life. I cant spend the rest of my days telling people about mind control and telling my story becuz the system here let me.
So why should I keep struggling if it's impossible? it would be one thing if the system allowed me to execute or excersise my Will, as I could during the Bush.
would I possibly try to struggle to do something that can be accomplished?
I can write my book from another location. America has become like a brick wall that CANNOT be moved.
Staying simply makes no sense at all. In fact it sounds pretty suicidal.
dogged determination is only effective if it's allowed to cause an effect or to perpetuate action.
It doesn't do anything but torture the person internally if its not allowed to come out and what the person wants to express is not allowed to be expressed.
I also can't live with a few things about the American culture and history anymore. After being out west the reality of the Native American genocide has become apparent to me fully and I just dont want to live with it anymore.
Another American human rights atrocity the citizenry doesnt want to deal with..yet we police the world. Yeah becuz we want control to remain an empire not some lofty goal, idealistic bullshit.
America is a lie. And I cant live with living the deception anymore.
And it kills me how many nice people live here and have been kind to me. But the system in place is far too fucked up. And those people are nice becuz their experiences with.the US are not as brutal and abusive as mine.
Changing the country with awareness wud b great but its impossible to do;knowing you shud call lawyers and then becoming confused and intimidated about how to go aboit doing so then totally forgetting or being given a negative projected outcome so you become afraid to do so is not going to lead to that targeted person getting legal help anytime soon.
In fact all that looping does is use the person's Willlpower and good ideas to torment them...so that they never put the ideas into actions or manifest anything but only obsess about these things in constant loops. That have no logical answer, endings or outcomes-and these things.are a matter of life and death for the person.
Its the same as what theyve always done-keep you paralyzed, unable to move, and scare the crap out of you with stuff while yer 'frozen'.
This physical experience happened when I was about 8 and 9 or so. Then again during Bush which I posted about after it happened-except...strangely, I cud tell plainly that it was tech from a helicopter being used during Bush.
Whereas during childhood, drugs seemed to be used or some sort of Will or mental force from another living being.
What sucks about Obama admin's reign of terror is that you acrually believe everything is fine or normal and you are being tortured to death from the inside. You can even appear normal as opposed to the Bush years.
The Bush family always does incredibly insane, over the top abusive things that almost have the character of the greatest mad rulers in history about them.
Obama is like being tormented to death by a boring and cautious corporate entity.
Its not very exciting and theres no creativity involved. And theres this ultra creepy feel of it being for the ultkmate 'good of all' which is not only a lie but makes me want to vomit.
Its the ultimate betrayal and disappointment of being ruled by the ultimate 'Nigger-In-Charge'. Actually the presidency of the United States is that position and always will be. Bush especially.
That is not a country I want to live in. And im sick of tkge comstant behavior modification and the continued attempted decompartmentalizing and forced integration.
I want a society that respects artists and doesnt destroy them.
Note how there, my writing had to cow tow and cater to the black reader or community?
Something is wrong here. Theres mind control now thats leaving us witjout anythimg left of ourselves.
Somethimg very wrong is going to happen soon. Whats sad is that it never had to be this way. This reality is not a naturally occuring one.