A Lifetime of Suffering Is The Norm For A Targeted Survivor of Programming

As usual I am stuck with someone who I cannot trust, who knows about gs but wants to avoid the seriousness of it. i am in a restaurant trying to stay up all night at , becuz no good to try to sleep here due to snakes ans other critters. I feel like this new person I am with is getting off on this as we just argued. he has been abusive by droppi g inappropriate commnts in public. only done it three times but its sniper delivery when he does do it, after hes cuddly and lo able all day and telling me i am loved and all this sort.of thing. It reminds me of when this first went twenty four/seven. these rich jerks in Newton were messing with me by getting me to pose for portraits but under very hot lights. i would sit there and struggle to stay awake becuz the lights were so hot. it wasnt real artists, it was these three people in a private office, belonging to the man who set up the gigs. he told me his two female friends found me to be a novelty becus i was so poor or from poverty. This reminds me of the same thing, only years later. In other words, here I am years later, being abused, exploited and not in control of my situation- and its due to the gs system putting me at such a disadvantage that i have little co trol over my situation, and have only to act out of survival and desperation.