Why TI's become selfish

I was posting to some one's comment box and I looked at the handicap symbol on the side of the verification box..the one that makes sure you are human or a spam machine.

I thought about what if a handicapped person needed to use the system and what that must be like. Then I saw a vision of this person who was disabled suffering...we all know or should what goes on in the lives of alot of disabled people. There is alot of abuse. Imagine if you were not capable of fighting perps as an able bodied young person. Do you not think that perps are just waiting for alot of us to get old and tired? That they wouldn't still perp us if we became disabled?

Time after time I have heard stories. There was a magazine for sex workers in San Francisco in the 1990's titled 'Anything that Moves'..amusing I know. They got freaked out prob from being hassled for the stated intended demographic and then it was posted on the mag it was for 'bisexuals', which actually might make the title more relevant and appropriate. (HA!)

There was a story, a few issues from this woman who was VERY candid about being a handicapped woman in a chair. She recounted a whole other world of abuses that go on when you are in her position, literally and figuratively speaking. Its like a subculture.
Another vulnerable population for predators.

As I had this vision I actually was this person for a moment..lets hope it neeevver happens becuz I will roll that fucker off the nearest cliff you know it. (thats just for me, becuz I know the perps would have a field day. Enuff already)

Anyway, it had me thinking "there are people who need help". Believe me, I know this.

What is saddest and the most loss from the world of gang stalking is that TI's are kept from acting on plans they had for thier lives.
I was planning on some sort of volunteer work but counselling was the mainstay of my plan for a vocation. It was going to give me great pleasure to use my higher than average anything to screw the people who fuck with the weak and vulnerable.

But as a TI I find I have to fight so hard everyday..for the smallest things. And I have become so ...nervous in public I can hardly function. I am so burned, my nerves are burnt out, that I could never work again probably.
After Targets have been tortured for a long time, sadly any lull in perp activity or secure situation is seen as a potential trap. You become the 24 hour soldier with never anywhere to rest.

I find myself becoming selfish...not in the healthy way I was before, with the Self that withstood years of compartmentalization and programming. The healthy ego I had that has helped my last this long is melting into..a reactionary unhappy person. The constant sad face on the theatre symbol of two faces. This is not fair and its inhuman. I am sinking into this constant fighter mentality and it is not natural for me. It may have been part of my personality but it is being expressed too much. Other parts are dying and I am sure that is what the system wants.

But you cant be genuine can you? You cant afford to care about things or love people or join in anything. For TI's to survive they need to become as evil as the people around them. Sometimes I think that suicide is the last of the Good in us, not wanting this for a fate.
It is of course so that we will be unattractive to the population even more so and the downward spiral continues.

I have seen older female TI's and they are like this now I know why.

I have been given the ideations to give in and stop caring to become fat like a certain close relative of mine. Let it all go.

Does anyone else feel being outside is torture? The targeting is so bad, especially during sunlight hours. Duck into the underground, or other shielding safe place and damn! You get your mind back.
This is all soo sad.

I would love to see what the measurements would be on the emf and such when someone is outside in the sun opposed to dark compared to a safe area. It must be ridiculous.

How am I NOT insane or imaging stuff? Well how does mental illness go from 6 am to 12 mid night every day? How is it going into shielded enviros improves conditions? The dead giveaway was in that radio shack that day... when ALL the power went out on the whole block. Its was like something awful was lifted off me. There was still some of organic real human left underneath.

That screams interference with human and other organic life forms via technologies. What would happen if for one hour all the wireless wifi, cell tower, and even land line electric went out?
I bet people would feel the relief..and then feel the pain. Of pollution, illness, the bail out, the war all the bs.

I have blogged elsewhere that I had an experience where I was able to be around no cell tower, then a standing tower then a standing tower and a microwave tower (those flat little squares) then just the small microwave tower.
My experience was that interference in the physical and mental and emotional started with the putting up of the first tower. There seemed to be a balance in what influence was being put out: the microwave tower seemed to be causing pain and suffering and the other tower served to sooth this. Then when the standing large tower went, the pain and suffering caused by the microwave tower was too much. It became hazardous for me to even stay in the apartment (this was in St. Louis, MO.)

It was so obvious and any reasonable logical person could gauge what was transpiring. What was creepiest was not the tower that hurt but the one that helped. Like you could be being tortured or in pain and this would make it better, you could be managed.
One has to wonder what they are going for with this.