Gee..

..I did not know all u was out there. Now I know.
Thanx for all the support..of course I could only see there were comments today not when they were posted. We have all experienced this kind of interference with communications.

I was writing a piece to be posted that had some revealing info in it. I saved it before I could publish it. After I saved it I went to lay down and it was frightening. This pain was going thru my head..and there were workmen outside doing floor work, the saw was alright but there was this high tone continuous to a drill type noise that was going right thru me. I was still resting but I became conscious enough while sleeping that the pain was so bad it was unbearable on the right side and back of my head. I go this indication that something went too far somewhere becuz the pain backed off a bit, enough to make it so I wasn't nauseous from how bad it was. I have felt like I have a sunburn today and my skin is red on my face especially. Red and very dry. I know I have a little nasal thing from the place I was staying but this was something else. I am tired all over my body now. I am more tired than I ever have been.
I mean I have past the point of 'tired' as most people know it surviving heavy gang stalking- I believe I will be tired for the rest of my life. I am doing shit like falling asleep randomly and walking up continuing what I was doing....which is hysterical becuz this is what happens when you are a dope fiend except its more humorous becuz the person often is in mid sentence of task and has no recollection they nodded out and simply resumes what they were doing.
This is not so humorous becuz I know I am tired and my body is forcing rest... it feels like one will never recover good health based on rest. Real rest the kind you get when you enter that deeeepp sleep and you can almost feel your body repairing itself.
I am sure the system does not want you to get this kind of rest at all. After I was kept from it for the first few years of being gang stalked I realized this is what truly keeps us young and healthy..I mean I knew that already but I never dint get this sort of rest. This is what partly keeps the TI feeling like in a state of the living dead.

Whatever that pain was it really was too much. Like not wanting to say 'i cant do this anymore' out of sadness or too much emotional pain but just-tired. I mean I cant explain it. Hmmmmm. Wait....I am in a certain inconvenient part of my cycles...you know I wonder if there really is a program to target women over a certain age to get rid of old broads..or if the tech is just set up that way. It does seem that I was hit at an age where the estrogen would be weakening and with my liver as well as the mold making that worse early perimenopause could be induced. Also, I found a way to counter all that and the perps have actually shown outright disapproval of me taking anything to keep my young estrogen wise..like it gets in the way of what they are trying to do or something. I know one thing, these people are heartless and really sick and we are nothing but inhuman guinea pigs to them. I can actually see them doing something like this just to get things the way THEY want them.
If a woman was youthful and attractive and that was part of what made her a threat becuz it would give her leverage or power I can see them taking this away as part of a campaign to neutralize her as enemy.

What happened today is too much. It sounds to me like the beginning of the last stages of being targeted. I know alot of you are saying 'don't give up' but when you are in pain and suffering and no longer go to doctors becuz they have perped you too much then you'll only keep suffering and it'll get worse. There comes a time when a soldier must be sensible and say that he deserves to have peace instead of going thru more suffering in the hands of enemies. What is the point? Its not like there is any way out. This is a 'No Exit' life. It is clear I have no future in my own country, a sh*t load of people know about it and no one cares or will do anything about it. I will not live a prisoner for the rest of my life. Watching less talented and intel people get theirs, sometimes only becuz I was bartered..I will not continue to sit and watch that go by.

Nobody cares that's the problem..yes other TI's care but what good is life if you cannot put your talents forward and get returns? None of it makes any sense. If you cant jump in why sit back and watch? I don't like being a spectator, I like doing things. I am not doing what I should be doing and it feels bad. The time line is all screwed up and I am not liking this one nor my oppressed little place in it and I refuse to stay if this is the way they want it.

A beggar who was a little crazy I walked by him..he was the mumbling kind of a little nutty. As I walked past he was saying "I don't know what you are but I know you ain't playin' "..now the timing on this seems more coincidental than anything else but still one always wonders.
I took it in and took it personal just for a try on..like trying on clothes in a store.
Imagine if some people actually think there is some special power nonsense going on or that I am eeevvilll (oooohh Halloween is cooommmiinnggg)...give it up.

I am a woman who was pushed too far...and that is all people.

Do we live in a society that is still so far removed from the realities of Nature that a strong, virile woman is still met with suspicion when exhibiting the power natural to women..like some witch hunt from hundreds of years ago?
Cut the crap. There is no superior sex or kinds of people. There are just certain kinds of women that are born to be..stronger than other women in certain ways and men seem threatened by it. Believe me, when it comes to child birth, I get squeamish. I could never...ever pull it off. But that isn't my job here in this world. I have heard perps especially black ones say shit like "she's got powers" and look all worried and shit.
There is a logical explanation for everything even 'powers'.
It could be the perps playing games with tech to f*ck with every ones minds on all sides becuz whats most important in this game is that they look like GOD himself.. you have got to understand how important this tech is to them for that purpose--and why it is most dangerous to all freedom loving people for this reason.

Also certain people are chosen becuz they or their bloodlines exhibit psychic talents that are evolved. This is the same as it would be choosing a person for musical talent or artistic talent.

Also consider implants (even though I did not want to). At some point one has to admit that there is that possibility becuz nothing else would make sense for some of the activities they seem to be able to pull off. So what if any and all 'powers' are simply from implants? Or psychic abilities beefed up by implants? What if there are pro psychics working w/ the person for a negative or positive end? I have seen the perps actually mess with people I thought were on thier side...its like they enjoy showing that they are the all powerful system. Perhaps these were people that were out to hurt me worse than they do by containing me.
I believe the attitude towards any mc slave is 'we can mistreat what is ours for our purposes but you cannot'. It may also be the powerful man's typical attitude that even if he does not favor what is his it is still his. It's this bizarre attitude of powerful people that what is thiers is not to be toyed with even if they intend to destroy it themselves.
When a person is a toy really all that matters is the play value. You become important when someone is messing with you and defending you is a thrill..perhaps you become less interesting when you are demanding freedom or consideration.
There is no accounting for the logic of the system of what we call organized stalking. If one accepted it as logical at all one would have to accept that one's life was ruled by a powerful entity that has endless ability rule our lives, seems to want to keep TI's alive even protect us but wants to cruelly alter us into zombies or people that are always subjugated. To limit us in what we can accomplish in life that we never reach our full potential. None of it makes any sense...really.

Anyway, I have not been well recently and I cant figure out why. No matter.

The place I was in was ok but the guys there who exhibited very subtle red flags turned out to be legit labeled bad guys by society. Not letting societies judgments stop me in my judgment I stayed...I really needed a rest. And these people were not doing anything harmful to me. One guy there hated women but who doenst nowadays...I have had waayyy to many years of viscous attacks day after day from men who seem to want to see me dead. A cranky male roommate was nothin compared to some of these construction union guys, some cops and alot of firemen I have encountered. Some of the most oppressive are in these jobs. They are very...very fortunate to have each other. I hope they can hear me ... . -..- .. ... - / .--. .. --. ... / .- .. -. - / ... .... .. -

What makes no sense about them messing with female TI's is that
a) they look like wimps when its like lots of guys w/ lots of motor vehicles against one female w/ no money or possessions/property. Is this outnumbering a small animal there idea of the horsey set's fox hunt for blue collar jerks? Aren't they sweet. Well there's one way to get back at all the white collar guys who treat you like shit on and off the job. It isn't logical but what oppressed male is? Having to stuff thier emotions for years on end has made them more secretly emotionally unstable than a teenage girl of 13 starting her menses....and they get more on the rag with age it seems.
b) none of these men are-ahem..intimate w/ me. Since when is it cool to abuse, mishandle or other wise mess with a piece that ain't yours? That is the ultimate offense in my mind. That is why they are brushed off by me and will continue to be for life. Who are these guys and what do they want? Them living waayyy beyond their rights as men in relation to a female is just delusion on their part. There are only a few men I need to ever answer to in this world...and those are only men who would also ever have to answer to me as well.
The amount of anger and personal emotion thrown my way by strangers who are angry men is a wall of hatred to defeat an enemy. That enemy is me, I am a female and this is a tactic and will never ever be taken personally. How can I? I don't know any of these guys. I didn't do anything to them personally.

They are targeting me in what is known as 'female specific ways' and that is all. Perhaps I will write something just for TI's who are women being targeted in female specific ways be hoards of men.

So my roommate was rude, when I moved in they started finishing shingling the roof, there was noise under me, over me and beside me. Still I said " I get a bed all day, I get to rest. Its better than a shelter." Then the cranky roommate brought in a mean cat who acted and looked just like him. He made the cat an extension of himself and started obsessively coming out to the living room to 'find the cat' and if he couldn't then he leered at me like I let kitty out. I could deal with all this, I was getting depressed but I said writing is all that matters. THEN 4 ticks were found in the living room fully engorged w blood. The landlord coddled him and offered to pay for vet. OK. ok. I can deal with this. I have a nice female roommate downstairs. Cool.
Then I asked about the fridge door being for Mr. Cranky or for common stuff. The owner started making a drama and cleaning out the fridge and changing the shelves around. I started mentioning something else that was remedied but not fixed still. He told me some ridiculous stuff and it was all about how much drama could be drummed up.

I realized that people don't change when they have been outed, labeled and even went to jail. Change must come from the persons mind or the way one operates mentally will never change. And certain kinds of people their mode of operation will always be manipulation and control games.
I was accused of bringing stress into the house. Other things, I kept on it and countered everything. He flip flopped enough to get things calm when it was obvious he wasn't going to win by intimidation and inciting confusion.
I realized that if I gave up on the cat issue he would have control and from then on it would be miserable and I would not be able to question anything. If I took on scapegoat position I would never be able to get out of it....most of all I knew the most dangerous was that this sort of set up was going to lead straight to a relapse. When next day I pointed out that I did not bring stress but in reality we had a roommate settling in, the roof being resumed and a new evil dirty cat in the house that the many changes cause stress not ME. He called me paranoid and claimed I was trying to connect the roof work starting with me moving in...that is not what I said as you just read. The minute I heard intimations of paranoia I was outta there. He treated me like a child who was not a paying renter and that was too much as well.

I suspect they were a perp group or connected to cause stalkers...but they were nice enough and not doing overt things. I could have stayed there if all those stressors were not introduced at once and dealt with so irresponsibly or undemocratically. He certainly wouldn't starve to death there, and everyone was intellectual and pleasant to talk to. I just think they need a guy who's older like them to move in not a woman in her 30's.

What was so interesting about this experience is that the situation mirrored the exact dynamics of my families house as I lived there years ago. There was the abuser or addict who was nasty, selfish, dependent, childish and bullying. There was the enabler/caretaker who was expert in denial and providing to 'make it all better'. There were various other underlings who kissed ass in various ways resembling cousins or siblings. Then there is the position of scapegoat to be filled. This is what I recall about my own family and I was not doing it again. Anyone who makes too much sense or is logical and wants to fix problems or advocate for themselves is put into the scapegoat mode.
I tried to make it work but when I started to feel an urge to relapse coming on, and me engaging in coping behaviors I knew I was in a trap and had to leave. This I realize is the set up for all dysfunctional families everywhere.

Alot of Targets never leave these traps known as families becuz they are targeted so heavily that the horrible armies of strangers and abusive authority figures outside seem tiring and too scary compared to at least being comfortable inside with a controlling family enviro. There is no difference between being handled outside by strangers or inside by people you know. So what would make the comfy prison better? All that would happen is that I would get fat and find a way to become a dope taker again probably via some prescription for pills now I am older..naahh I am blessed with Death. When I am that unhappy I will go get real down and dirty. This guy wants to caretake? My alters will give him a mess like he has never seen. And I am older and without hope. It would not be long until I was simply found dead lulled into endless sleep by the oppression--that never seems to end.

I may need medication someday for pain or whatever else but these should be taken becuz you are beyond ability to cope and need to be made comfortable..not becuz you are in a prison.

So I am out here again. I feel rested but something-mold or something out in that area or that house has made my sinuses even worse. Its just time to leave the northeast. Every time I live here its damaging to me. Its too polluted and after having mycotoxicosis anything over 50% humidity is just unbearable. Its like my head is swimming. And further mold exposure feels like your body and especially your head are on fire. Like bad headaches and sinus pain. I had a mold allergy to begin w/ which is why I suffered from exposure. Not all people will get sick from mold exposure..the people who want to make money from removal say everyone needs to be safe from mold and the people who don't want to pay out like govt and insurance say it affects no one. Both have a special interest in being wrong. Only if you are allergic/immune compromised will you likely get sick. If you got sick you'd know.

So I got some rest and got validation that my family is as I thought they were. That all controlling dysfunctional people are as I thought they were. A relative used to minimize by saying 'all families are dysfunctional'..yes, therapy and recovery culture have gone too far...just like satanic panic took the recovered memory issues too far. Now there is a backlash and total denial becuz its nature was approached clinically not humanely and psychologically.
There is too much not minding your own business and becuz this is seen as nonsense abusers can say 'oh, they are generalizing and meddling, all families are dysfunctional'.. True but when Love is not present and there is lack of freedom and bullying then this is not the cute semi harmless dysfunction of The Simpson s or Malcolm in the Middle. Dysfunction is cliche and even humorous....but intergen abusive families have a controlled system that is akin to being stuck in a cult. And I was always trying to end it like Jonestown..when you are in a situation like this just look up Jonestown and Jim Jones on You tube. Not the crap movie that blames communism but the FBI spy tapes of the cult actually functioning day to day. Listen to those tapes..every TI should be familiar with the dynamics of control and intimidation. Sick obsessive love. Abuse as bonding. Its a bit of an overboard comparison but the control games can be similar.
You may have to get out and go out into the gangstalking 'jungle' outside of your hindering cult like situation...it seems the world feels Targets dont deserve freedom ever. As if the families we come from are damned generation after generation. I dont agree and hopefully this covert system of slavery will end someday.

I mean if freedom is what you desire. Some TI's just deal where they live. Being a homeowner should buy you needed power in your community anyway. I mean if you have nothing and you are being handled in this way as is often attempted w/ me. If you think you can survive there is nothing wrong with craving freedom above all things.

Its nice to settle in one place but w/ out creatives around constantly I got bored. Real bored. Thats becuz I should be producing works right now not dodging psych warfare constantly. What a waste.

Also after that post before last I can attest to the fact that major cities that are being gentrified (like everywhere now) are targeted not just for TI's who are either on the run assets, human experimentees etc but have a system of targeting the poor and the homeless. I think its below in the Kik Bak section under "for the boyz" under the definition of police brutality. There is a term that describes this economic based warfare...before we bash the cops too much lets remember they take orders. And its not them that are the worst with this particular warfare. You can avoid them by knowing the laws. What is more so the psychological warfare part of it is the attitudes towards homeless, not wealthy looking, outsider artist...just not looking like part of the crowd. Shop keeps have real snooty attitudes and like with gang stalking alot of foreigners are hired who blindly follow native attitudes but are less adept in social cues...like a shop keep will see me, the way I carry myself and the way I speak and know he shouldn't mess around with giving me crap unless he absolutely has the opportunity outright. A foreign employee usually from a poor country will play rich mans hound at the gates and take one look at me and just treat me badly. All this social sport leaves little time for really relating or getting anything done. And thats Boston..if I go to a place where smarts are not respected as dangerous weapons of warfare and its only money based respect...uh, St. Louis for instance then you have no chance at all being what is now known as 'fringe' (ugh). I wouldn't be fringy looking unless I was targeted is what is so awful. I can pull of Hippie or Student for now at least. What will happen as I get older or tired/sick is I will just be that homeless woman.
The one who, like every homeless person seems to have a great bone structure, be almost handsome. Seems intelligent, interesting. I see them everyday. They are either my age and have let themselves go usually if they are as strong as I they simply get older...and time does the perp's work for them. I keep in mind that they were probably like me once.

The cities seem to be targeted that's for sure. I am very geologically sensitive. To land and buildings. So I can pickup the feel of a place anyway. But something false is added. The cities have affected me more with suicide ideations and I am not the only person who notices that.
Every city has different affects on me.
And the economic warfare that is psychological warfare on the poor and homeless who are not Targets of gang stalking(we all wonder I think how much of this population are TI's however) makes pressure on a TI in this position even moreso. But having been in towns outside big cities I can attest that you'll be gangstalked there too. And if so there is little relief becuz the perp group need now blend in. It differs everywhere.
Its just frustrating to have people tell you to leave town or stay out of big cities.

First of all no one should tell u where you cannot go w/out a trial and sentencing. (DO NOT support thier lawless society).
Also, it's a game to control the TI thru dis-info becuz you realize no matter where you go perps show up and you get harassed/stalked.
One must learn all they can about the enemy and adapt accordingly. Every city, state, region differs in tactics and will differ for each TI. There should be minimal fear if travelling...you just need to talk to other reliable TI's who perhaps know the location unknown to you.
In some places there are people waiting to mess w u right off the bus, and they are overt about it. Other places will take a week for tactics to begin.
It also depends I notice on how many people sensitive to your situtation live in that area. Like when I went to Florida. I freaked out and couldnt take the Arctic winter of Missouri anymore. I put my hood on and looked/felt like Death from The Seventh Seal, it was time to go. Those winters make Boston look simple. There is no snow hardly...just a cold that tells you eventually to lay down and go to sleep like right out in the sidewalk. I am sure its the kind of sleep one would not wake from...I mean that is what it felt like.
Anyway, as I went down there the humorous part was when this guy got on and tried to warn me by making a special announcement that all bags would be checked by drug cops or some over dramatic overtones. Always ignore this sh*t if your not doing anything wrong. Firstly, there are many mis-informed people out there in the public who know part of your story with lies added in..still even if you are beleived to be a criminal some people think whats being done to you is wrong becuz the gang stalking is so severe. This is very nice of them to warn you etc BUT one must also realize that the game never ends.
This could be possible entrapment.
For instance if you got spooked and got off after being warned and you weren't guilty of anything then you LOOK like you might be. It may be that they want you to react as if you are guilty when they know you are not.

Just continue to block out all outside opinions especially if you are a tbmc survivor.
I have people who claim to be TI's sneaking in psych outs by telling me stories about why people shouldnt run from cop cars..then the person looks right at me and says "it looks suspect when you run". Whatever. Just ignore all this outside input.
The very system that gang stalked you into running by having people tell you to leave town is now telling you that you did wrong by leaving town and you have made yourself suspect blah blah blah.
If you are a survivor of MK ultra or suspect that is why u r a TI or if you know you are a survivor of programming the System will keep trying to get you jailed. That is just what they seem to want.

It has been written that luring a Target in to rat or inform on people is a great way to get the whole world to think they are harassed and commited suicide becuz they testified or informed on people directly to the Feds. Like the idiots in the beginning that were saying I was running from the FBI...oh there are Stooge-esque moments of humor I must say that. But after a while u realize that they will keep trying and after they realize yer hip they cut being entertaining and silly and just perform mindless warfare on u daily until the job (you) is done.

This is used to get rid of MK survivors or programmed survivors who even though deprogrammed still know what they consider too much. Why they would bother with any of this makes no sense. It almost seems like they are paraniod to keep the illusion up at any cost..especiallly to themselves. If these perps are programmed the pain of reality is so great that an awake person threatens their very sanity and well being. This may be why the campaigns are so nasty against people who seem harmeless enough and really just want to get on w/ thier lives and heal.
I am revealing more now than I ever would have had I been left alone to pursue a career as a women's councilor, artist and volunteer. The plan for my life was very simple.
The system is just very heavy handed and greedy that is all. There is no explaining the heavy hand of slavery. It just is and that's all and it really cant be negotiated with in that state of existence. It has its way and that is all.

Recall The 10 Commandments the movie, where the old woman is being crushed by a stone as she tries to oil it and gets caught under it. The foreman want to keep rolling to get the stone to where it needs to go to get the project built on time and in order as planned.
This is the system of slavery known as mind control, especially programming.
You are of no consequence.
A greater structure exists and always has akin to what these people feel is God itself...you will play along as in the Order of things as one always has.
If you are to die, that is all. If you are to be changed or altered to 'fit' into a space like a stone you will be cut down to 'fit'. That is all.

Its mindless order. I understand it's purpose, I can even see the beauty of it but it has gone too far lately. There is no balance or the balance is off. Something has got to be said. Perhaps I simply do not like my 'place' in the work. Maybe so.

So I get down to Florida and there seems to be alot of effort to make sure I am outta there ASAP.
Later I realize that my Dads family is down there. My ex associates family is down there. Some people who helped sell me out have family down there and some criminals have retired down there. It was a stupid thing to do but not much a TI does makes any sense once you get to a certain point.

The system a TI is fighting is the ultimate System. I dont think anyone would question it ever. Its a system that seems to transcend nations, religions everything. It seems so....omnipresent.
But they messed w/ you--what choice do you have?
Like I said...No Exit Life.