Cambridge, MA where I call my home is slowly wearing me down. The black community there have always been very active in harassment, stalking and provoking but so has the black community in Boston probably to a larger extent.
Daily I am hooked into racism and class frustrations and there seem to be subtly working, strategically placed perps on public transport and in public spaces who cause this to occur.
I get the impression, and this is a psychic impression also, that they are waiting for me to respond to accumulative, daily pressures in a reaction causing me to leave the area to get on the road again traveling. It was an obvious impression this morning at Starbucks in Harvard Sq Cambridge from the YUPpies and its also an impression I get from the African American perp groups involved on the buses. From them its very quiet and determined, not arrogant and casually exuding superiority like the mostly white yuppy/elite at Starbucks. As the two groups go.
Its not so pressing for the white elites more like an ongoing game for them. For the African Americans involved they are deadly serious, very hateful and totally rejecting of me not based on looking down on me from an upper class but almost murderous in intent.
They consistently believe they are smarter and more intense and stronger than whites involved in the side they are opposing (we have blacks fighting on our side also but so many in the US seem part of this covert system to keep the public down and to oppose any and all activists or activist groups).
They are just waiting for me to continue to dress and act crazy as well as discredit myself with constant racist remarks.
This psychological warfare from human forces along with a non stop barrage of negative content from remote influence is slowly destroying everything I've worked for over these years.
The content mostly consisting of the concepts and ideas as follows:
-I'm already fully discredited so why bother. No one is listening anyway
-an unmistakable sense of dread
-a strong constant concern for peer approval and consideration of what my peers are up to-social acceptability, which is unusual for me and has been present over the past year or so.
This really is not in line with an activist trying to write an exposé and take legal action. Wouldn't my true peer group be OTHER ACTIVISTS? NOT local Yuppies or people simply in my age range.
-I will have no future if i continue on as I am, which never mattered before either
-I am not pretty anymore (as if this should have any bearing on my work as an activist. If anything it shows my dedication to the cause, the damage THEY have incurred throughout the years being imprisoned by this system and it was always perceived by me to be the natural outcome of years of the actions against me that were and are beyond my control.
My looks never before were an issue. I've aged being targeted. That's the way it is. They did it not me. It's thier fault and they deserve to be sued, pay and be exposed for in part destroying my looks. Which is why I am doing what I am doing.
So why would anything I've lost matter? They did this to me, I couldn't have done any better to save myself from the situation and I must continue to pursue legal actions and the punishments of exposing them and the entire story to the world .
Y shud I care if I am now ugly old and sickly? Its not like I did this to myself. This system has harassed me around the country for years. I could only do the best I could being targeted.
When they thought they had me beat down in AZ in 2007 and tried to recruit me and I avoided that I knew thereafter that I was always forevermore, doing the right and correct thing no matter what.
These latest psychological tortures only came about WHEN I BEGAN THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO FILE A POLICE REPORT AGAINST THE STALKING DETECTIVES IN THAT BLACK CAR I POSTED IN NOVEMBER.
Recently it kept bothering me as just being plain wring and so overt I couldn't let it go so I asked a worker at one of the women's drop ins to print the pics for me. THATS when this went to this level I have written about above. I was supposed to have written the report and submitted it by now but daily I am distracted, made tired, forgetful and am unable to complete the said report. I was also in the middle of trying to seek legal assistance for the years of harassment and Mk ultra which of course I'm sure they don't want either.
Keep in mind this seems to have some connection to the changing of the guard at the mayor of Boston's office as well as getting a new governor soon.
I am also making all my medical appts and one soon is for my teeth which it seems they really don't want me to make.
Everything was OK til I started that police report and in earnest began looking at lawyers.
Also this week my sex drive went through the roof making me aggressive, crazy and confused, along with a very deep depression (which came on unusually quick) the combination causing overeating and some instances of self injury.
Due to this I ate more food consistently in a short period of time than I can ever recall and have gained substantial weight quickly. (Weight gain would also aggravate my hip and leg arthritis/bursitis.)
I've had chest pains in the last few days from large amounts of McDonald's food.
This is why I've left MA consistently over the years. MOLD and MCDONALDS.
It will kill you and these conditions always have the same effect on me in this location. Boston and Cambridge are so old, polluted and with old buildings thay its only healthy for people in their 20s or persons with enough money to live in a decent, mold free home or condo with an excellent central air system. You experience the air as stagnant and polluted, heavy until you get outside the metro area.
My mother's health deteriorated due to the conditions in eastern MA and it killed my grandfather the same way.
I am not going to be so easy to fool.
In order to drop weight and avoid further gain due to conditions in my environment, I usually hit the road traveling so these recent conditions are also suspect.
I'm also being hit with ideations to go inside into a room by myself only outside the metro Boston city limits and forget about everything, attend UMass. Daily I get hit with visions of UMass and the idea I should attend college there. The more out of shape I am the less I can escape that particular outcome also is the idea I believe.