The interface (from tech) here is constant very heavy on the mind and basically reduces me to a child. A psychotic child. The slight mold in my room with the electromagnetic pollution here is extremely challenging for my system and my mind to get through daily.
Its been very hard to stay balanced.
I really don't get any freedom until around now like 2 am. Two A.M. until about six A.M. are pure heaven with no interface at all usually or relief at least from much of the day. This is one of those places that rain and storm improves the effects which points to much of it resulting from chemical influence-whether merely pollution or on purpose like chemtrails is unknown to me.
I love experiencing being who I truly am at these hours. Feeling comfortable within my body and feeling like a forty year old woman not the child that the system makes me into. I can live my strength and life experienced which I am not allowed to do during the daylight hours.
I am reduced to practically non existent as an entity or person during those hours.
I can't wake up here till 1 pm and there seems to be some sort of alarm type mechanism becuz I get up at exactly the same time with very much the same feeling in this location. Its almost like a buzzing vibration.
I wish I could sleep at night here and get up earlier. This is not my normal schedule on the road traveling.
Each time I go to write about what I experience here I conveniently forget to document it here.
There's alot of forgetfulness especially if I stay in this house too many days. Totally loose touch with outside world as in what my plans and interests are. This house is..very containing. Also the shitty neighborhood is cut off from downtown by a bridge (smart design). Downtown is typically gentrified and for tourists. The way I feel downtown is much better and more productive than over here across that bridge. Its nicer to the east but still not as nice as to the north. The north easy of downtown is the nicest I like it and its very positive. Its like back in Boston. Money and nice homes, health food stores etc. Strangely to the north WEST of downtown there is a definite campaign that makes me feel like its highly discouraged I go near there at all. It was pretty obvious. The city definitely has an electromagnetic system in place along with mild gang stalking to keep people contained. Electromagnetic fences is what I am going to call them. Drawing up parameters using these technologies. And no one even knows thats what the elitist bastards are doing. Bite me. I will go to the mall in the northwest or a health food store in the northeast if I want to.
The worst harassment was south near the military base, the neighborhood sucks anyway. This base was documented to be involved in radiation experiments as part of the human experimentation connected to MK Ultra in the 50s and 60s. They must be part of the continued experimentation going on...as well as not being pleased to have a documented radiation experimentee's daughter in close proximity.
So what I experience here is alot of interface. I feel watched constantly like there's cameras here becuz there is a feedback via what seems like an interface that can only be accomplished if someone is viewing me inside this house. Now that could very well be the scenerio. It could also be to do with the wifi and/or satellite the we have. This sounds paranoid or schizo i know but I experienced this same phenomena in that apartment in Dorchester AND THAT PLACE HAD A CISCO ROUTER FOR WIFI AS WELL AS SATELLITE TV though a different provider. We must remember that Cisco is a major military contractor and research company. A young gang stalker on Greyhound early on in this claimed his father worked for Cisco Systems...and that he himself was a World of Warcraft addict. (I suppose games like that could warp or form a persons mind into percieving gang stalking as normal).
Its so bad here that I believe I am being watched in the shower through hidden cameras in the sprinklers in the bathroom.
EXCEPT ON SUNDAYS. Hmm, mental illness takes the exact same day off weekly huh? And in the middle of the night every night?
A psychiatrists theory that its biochemical or a chemical imbalance might have worked with hours in a day BUT NOT DAYS OF THE WEEK. So sorry to once again mess up your con of the public.
I feel very judged. Forget trying to get sexual release as I feel watched and judged. Its very much the idea that whoever is watching feels I should be with a human male only and not masturbation. That I should try to become born again in some way or forget who I was completely and see and feel myself (and my genitals I guess) as anew. (Sounds Christian, maybe but its definitely behavior modification).
Thats why the intrapersonal stuff is wearing down my confidence. It might be some of the women are working for the system but it might also be that they are just difficult and that only adds to helping the system wear me down. Its hard to tell nowadays.
A DOCTOR IS A SILENT PARTNER IN THIS SOBER HOUSE and I have wondered if there is any connection to the medical/military or medical/psychiatric complex due to that. It could also be that the owners have no knowledge of behavior modification being used on the tenants here. Then again it certainly can't be ruled out can it.
Since feeling so beaten down I have started eating alot from stress and anger probably. I was doing well, eating the way I did while traveling only three meals, one moderate. Plenty of daily walking and if not busy cleaning here. I started to lose weight becuz the constant fear and adrenaline on the road keeps me overweight but the heavy backpack kept me muscular.
I was losing a few pounds a week. But now I have been worn down by house dynamics and feeling interfered with or dominated by a couple of older women (that fat lady and my older new roommate who wouldnt stop bothering me constantly and there's a room at end of hall with three women that seem either in on it or just want to be keep downs). I usually wouldn't put up with people interfering with my Will or getting my own things done but with the effects I described above along with these house dynamics (whether planned or truly just normal female behavior) its nearly impossible not to start to get worn down. The powers that be couldn't ask for a more effective environment to keep women down while ensuring they are comfortable, sheltered and fed. This place breaks you and breaks your spiritedness.
The women here don't have the northeast thing where you simply do not interfere with anyone else's business by putting upon them, burdening them or sucking them into drama. These actions back home would get you beat up or told off. They are extremely rude here in this respect. They seem to misunderstand the Yankee helpfulness for slave behaviour.Its expected in the northeast that one is helpful as one may need a favor from you one day and thus everyone survives. You help out and then thats it. Its over. Here they think you are their slave if you are initially helpful. They kept commenting on my cleaning constantly. Now up north they would speculate that I might be just trying to keep busy to keep my mind off things or else to clean becuz this sort of physical activity allows a person to relax or.process things mentally in the background.
In other words: they aren't Irish here. And they aren't Yankees.
But they are nice enough people. I just think the Yankee intense busyness and having to do things quickly is just neurotic to them.
Then they start moving in on you for it when you were doing it to begin with to try to think on problems to begin with and here they bring more problems. Of course this crushes the person.
I tried walking but this neighborhood is very bad so I am discouraged now from even wanting to leave the house and I think gs is alot of what I experienced in areas outside this neighborhood.
Its typical for gs to want to intimidate a TI into never again wanting to leave the house. Thats their job. Even intimidation for hire which is a documented actual crime (like murder for hire) there's been people who do that who have said that is the goal of the intimidation and gs is no different.
I was also used to being outside and traveling every day. It was going to be a long transition-I feel the dynamics here got in the way of that too.
So now I am just trying to figure out what next. This place is home like and zip seem to be able to trust people to care for me yet the spirit breaking is not desirable. I have health issues that need attention and i don't know where else to go.
Also THERE IS A DAILY HARASSMENT TO GO BACK TO BOSTON-to tend to my health issues there instead of here and to attend UMass. Neither of which is a good idea considering how my health becomes even worse there and I gain weight not lose it. Its also place with such heavy tech management that its impossible to function. I tried last winter.