Please stay strong

I know being a Target is very hard...for some of us it seems like either death or the mind control prison they are offering is the only way out. If you are trying to escape a cult its just as difficult if not more so becuz they have all the means of hooking into your original 'programming' to intimidate you.

One thing you must remember is that these groups who form a national if not international network of harassment are not right in what they are doing. NO ONE has a right to recondition any other human being or intimidate victim witnesses.. no censor you or 'keep u down'.

you will get alot of active denial from the perps themselves, like the criminals they are they will always DENY EVERYTHING..that is what criminals do. And if what they are doing is acceptable why msut those involved be so covert about it. The sheer guilt on people's faces is enough to incriminate them.
The perps will always blame the target/victim. YOU are not handling being targeted well enough. I lost out on something in life there fore YOU the target must suffer also. Do not internalize these people's motives or reasonings.

They ARE The People of the Lie.

If you are fighting them they are AFRAID OF YOU, most people will not help you becuz they are afraid of being targeted.

The amount of active and passive denial is mind blowing I know.

I'm sure eventually I or anyone else is supposed to give in to the harrassment. These people, alot tof them involved are convivced that the target needs or needed thier guidance thru harassment to change the target's life. they live thru this myth becuz obviously it covers thier true motives which range from jealousy to crime to perversion.

YOU HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED. Do not give in to thier bullshot attempts at mind control. I can tell you that is what they are attempting. This system has gone on long enough..it shouldnt even exist in the age of technology and information. How can it? the fact humans are still going along with these sorts of activities says alot about the very nature of humans.

Dont give in if that is waht you feel is right. Tech should have revolutuinized human beings..not made them easier to enslave (who the fuck thinks this shit up?) Its like the same old rules except the oppressors just naturally think that tech will serve to further thier interests.

So its still about intimidation. Notice how sneaky they have to be with me? How many have to come after me at once? They know someone like me could desimate one of their own if left alone with me for too long with no 'back up'. These idiots are getting rid of smart, talented, strong people and they have to send mobs of sneaky bastards to do it.

I have a feeling that if we dont give in then they will pay someday. Dont ever give in.
I may have to forget about ever having a life opr even give up my physical life on this planet to not give in.

I usually dont give play by plays of perp activivy becuz whats the use? unless its for documentation purposes. I wouldnt document publically if i were u becuz then the guilty parties know what you know and can change thier stories later.

But lately i have felt myself losing some control. Thier big thing with me is manipulating or targeting me to believe that i dont/didnt deserve anything therefore i needed to be harassed /modified so i can 'start anew' after i am persoanlity wiped by this experience...i assume that means all crimes are paid when it comes to the people who screwed me over all down the line as well.

The worst part is the perps who look at you like u r some sort of feast put down in front of them.. Has anyone else seen this greedy look? On the radio today they were scare tacticing audience with the food shortage in the future thing. All I could think of is that the perps are the kind of people that would resort to eating other humans no problem..its basically what they do anyway.
And that LOOK that they give. Its so unsettling.

I can only hop that the tech they use to 'handle' taRGETS will be used on the general public to make sure total chaos doesnt break out.

I am sure sick of being controlled, informed on and the mirroring is jsut disgusting. How annoying is that ?

So please, whether the system is trying to get rid of us or if it is tryiing to make us serve them in thier coming 'events' stay strong and do not give up. There must be some reason they need to get rid of people like us.

dying while alive

i still am around some perps i shouldnt be. some for good reasons but some are nasty and damaging. what are the alternatives?
there is no logans run, there is no promise land.
There is never going to be a place we can be free to practice our art without interference.
I mean deprogrammed persons like me. Some people seem to have finances and thats great but i am literally dirt poor and i cannot get up off the ground. not while trying to work on mind control issues...how can you trust the conferences, advocacy groups and other survivors anyway?

There is only what i am being terrorized into daily.

and there is one perp in my life who is obvious but still hurtful. I ahve nothing else.

there is a survivor named Barbra Hartwell. Her situation seems to be similar to mine.
She seemed to be the least successful of the survivors i veiwed on the original 1998 video tape of that program (on youtube) where theres like 3 notable survivors and others. I am not even going to go into that area. I dont have the energy but seeing the players in person might help me make up my mind about alot of things. I already know it..i dont trust it.

actually there is one survivor who is of note who wrote a book who isnt there. all these people over time seemed to come to mistrust each other and fall into cliques. They give conflicting opinions and info...i am not dealing with another 'spot the operative' game again.

I had to go thru that in the gangstalking forums and i lost a digit becuz of ignorance of the game. I cannot draw or write. (happy now all you jealous greedy fucks out there? it isnt hard to terorize someone under such tight control-you guys are all cowards. i hope someday you play with someone or something that isnt so easily handled and it blows right up in your faces....something catastophic. I hope you dont even get a chance to think before it does in a huge number of you who like to play with dangerous toys....You Suck. All of you. you are all control freaks with your own fucking issues u should be dealing with. yer lazy and mostly all still under mind control, i have seen these assholes who think they are in on the operation of handling someone like me across the country )

anyway i would prob find the same formula. and in order to find the true solution and real answer i would need alot of investigative resources. I would need to see bank statments records, talk to associations very old to recent-the whole run down. Who says these people are who they say they are?
I am sick of fuckin playin with people. Get some real, respectable down to earth people who can form a cohesive unit that can at least come close to being anything resembling 'official' when it comes to the subject of mind control survivors or get the fuck away from me... just another Gerry springer scene. Is anyone else sick of being unsure of anythign? of always feeling 'down the rabbit whole'?
Obviously, we are fucked...anyone who is on my level is screwed. I dont know what 'level' that is but other survivors seem aolt better off. Strangley, B. Hartwell has had the hardest time, though i do not knowthe full story. But its interesting that people on vaious threads (live onversations via internet posts) seem to put this woman down almost immediatley. Its good some are there to defend her but she seems targeted even as an out survivor..people will rip her apart on posts..that she doesnt have evidence that she is difficult or whatever. If her story is tru maybe she cant 'tell' or maybve she's beat and tired or maybe she's targeted to get rid of her..it sounds like she had the worst sort of 'gangstalking' going on. She' a trauma victim, give me a break with being down on her all the time. its perp shit thats all.

On the other hand on must consider thats her role to play and she isnt really who she says etc etc. I cant say becuz i dont know enough about that whole scene..alot of these people have gone quiet or they are being more professional about the subject.

I suspect maybe...this is a possibility anyway, that this whole 'come out and tell us yer mc story' migh have been to smoke out other survivors. The whole trend in the 90's was 'finally the 60's is coming to the system! come out have no shame! heal! tell yer story of being molested that yer an addict and need recovery! Recover!" Well, i haver noticed targeting now being BASED on all those and other sorts of admissions. Great, they set us all up.
I have heard claims that a ceratin person i know who tried to get in on the class action lawsuit for radiation experimentaion in the 90's was immediatley followed so they allegedly dropped hte case. Another 'smoke out' campaign?

Also, i notice she looks alot like my mother when younger. I wonder if its that this family line is simply more volitile or less valuable to the handlers, therefor-bye bye B. Hartwell, bye bye to me as well-according to her she is unwilling to cooperate as am i. My mother is cooperating however
(obviously). Just more possible clues..no answers. i thought about showing up in Maine to ask for her and judge for myself but you know what? who cares? She has stopped blogging so she's either done her job or if she's genuine she's done with the bullsh*t and i cant say i blame her.

The description of her targeting sounds similar to mine.

The one perp i am still with has some really nasty excuses for everyone's behavior.
He keeps showing me art books that contain the most depressing stuff, like people who look like they are in what he desribes as 'pergatory'..then quickly, he will say 'when your allowed to partake in the world less and less' and then
'that is what happens when you get more and more removed from the world, in your house thinking your God' somthign to that effect.

He also likes to expose me to a poet artist who he keeps pointing out he cant stand becuz he is full of himself and is high in himself.
He will sneakily make fun on tod rungren's cd becuz he's aloner who plays all his own instruments on some album he made.
He also has pointed out paintings in this book and others where a fugure looking into a mirror has a skull behind it and vanity equals death.

Needles to say this is depressing me whats more depressing is that in this whole world he is my only real solid contact.
I do get some support but moreso i get more insight into what excuses these people make for invading my privacy in my own home at 335 washington street which i guessed some time ago.

They must've known they were observing deprogramming..
A clue is that if he knows about the fear that certain persons most likely had of me becoming too psychically powerful or charged as i 'woke up' or awakened out of being compartmentalized
(his statement intimating about becoming too removed and thinking yer God) then he must know the....actually , some shits in NY tried to push the idea of a mule. (a person who is psychically powerful who appears out of nowhere in popluation). This is bull and i know it.
Either this guy is talking out os mind control himself, he is mistaken and he thinks i am just this scary person who exhibited power, or he knows about programming. None of it is valid.

*If your computer starts malfunctioning , it needs reprogramming. Go to it and insult it...tell it mean things about what happened to it as glitches appeared in its functioning. Insult its attempts to fix itself that were inconvenient or scary to you...yeah, THAT is logical and productive. That'll get it fixed. AND I AM GOING TO BE JUST AS RECEPTIVE AS THAT COMPUTER TO THIS SORT OF NONSENSE....becuz it doesnt make any sense.

So i can see the decision was made to reprgramm me the way that they did in the old days which is to brak the computer down with a too many problems and a chess game that is suicide (look up suicide chess, its interesting) or a question that is illogical or has no answer.

I still dont understand why it could not be done be simply rearranging the system that was there.
i knew what i needed.

the problem here is we are dealing with logical apes. a deadly creature who needs, like a vampire to get sexual and aggression energy off of someone else as well as put theirs on others.

We are dealing with creatures who need to be healed but we live in such a mess of a society that getting healed is not a desire we can acknowlegdge consously. So we steal and rob from the healer. We tie her down and murder..this is the place we live. She must give (people and places who take from the healer) and not replenish or recharge herslef( the oppressive system of targetign and gangstalking to keep you 'down') so that others might live ( everyone gains)
she is treated as a battery cell that is thrown away when it is empty(death of the psychic/healer)...a sure sign of our 'throw away' society.
I cant tell you how many angry fucked up people are attractd to me. Yes its gangstalking but all the participants are suffering on purpose.
in an IDEAL situation, i would recharge and keep expending energy and the needy or hurting would find thier own center of healing..etc.

This is not allowed inour society...other that aaaalllll the other reasons i am being murdered by being targeted that is the ultimate reason. Their rationales of info at risk or energy being misused by others...the real reason fits the solution they have chosen for me-burn out, go dim and do not produce any more energy. This is the way i am to live.

its disgusting isnt it? no one is going to tell me how to rule my 'kingdom' get it? i am not a god(duh) but i certainly shouod be in charge of my own internal world, body and mind.
I will get them for this if is the last thing i do. What right do they ahve to decide for me?

Especially when i had such a good plan...nice and balanced.
I will NOT live on a planet where my status is below every other human being. Thats how i am treated...the doormat of hte world. and there doesnt seem to be any help or way out. Its like some sort of invasion adn now they want to have an occupation after victory.

whats interesting about the perp comments is there was a peice i read posted by another target, i cant recall now adn i aint gonna go lookin but it said that there were comments made about some sort of personal hell or pergatory for those Republicans who didnt go along with thier plans..i'll have to find it again. All i know is the intimation is that you are dead and isolated which is like what transpires when you are targeted.

Those no cure for it anyway..the network will never run out of sick people who need to lord it over someone else. it will never run out of people who will abuse someone or stalk someone. There is no way to stop it- how? if you were in the majority you'd be targeted for trying to interfere. If you were in the majority you'd be getting rid of the very system that keeps order. and its a business many people depend on for money or to get out their impulses that society would think is sick otherwise. It might also ultimately be the network of perverts covering thier asses people claim that it is. I know you get targeted if yer a victim or know too much. its a virtual jail and its made to destroy human beings thats all..but to bring it to a level of entertainment is wrong.

I will never give up and give in to the wrong and disinfo 'offiicail' version of events surrounding me and others in my life. I am sure i am supposed to, on top of all teh othe insults, take to the fall guy role willingly. I wont.

That is what they are doing. i suppose i am supposed to ignore facts, and take to the idea that i deserve to be a high profile hate object becuz i di this and taht bla bla ...

ahh to be programmed. see, i dont have to give in to that kind of pressure....all the idiots have done is enacted a chess game that wont end. I'll be dead maybe. i am sure thta i teh desired end result..these people are cruel and remeber that comment in MO at the coffe shop.
basically get rid of her she's old.

Am i like a cyborg or something and dont know it? No..no its jsut a very efficient system of making sure you are surounded 24/7 mostly by the assholes of the world and no one decent so that you start to squirm and go crazy and react.
If this were to be aproached legally i am sure you coul come up with kid napping, hostage taking, consiracy to commit murder, manslaughter for some perps , mental duress, pain suffering...etc. it definetly has brought harm to me as a human being. It has caused me to take risks i wouldnt have taken, financila loss (which of course i got perped out of paperwork i had gathered-there is still a way.)
i cannot beleieve this is such a problem that cannot be solved. no target hs ever said it ends however. the may leave you alone after a while but you 'll never get restitution, never get yer life bakc, never get yer health back.....

the more i hang around the more i suffer. living under thier strict conditions is too much suffering. i have all these ruined buildings inside..all this mess from thier 'bombings' of my internal structures (programming) there is no way i can create a life with that much damage.

how an i supposed to forget about damage to the system if i have to scan my own system (as is the prodedure) and the damage is overwhelming. damage from what they have done to me activley and damage from neglecting my health(thier actions influenced the decision to neglect)

ahh, thier magic little pills they keep trying to get me to ingest. do you know how many perps keep pushing and have pushed anti depressants or a small dose of anti whatever for 'being all over the place in conversation sometimes"(flooding-natural in deprogramming).

Why, so i can be targeted some more and take it well this time? oh, yay!

Really this is to hide the brain damage they purposely inflict so the mc survivor loses memories adn info along with i'm sure they are hoping.

The ship is sinking and i am not jumping like an ass*hole people.
You are on the Titanic:
finish what you have to, then go down to the bar..there werent enough life boats and the band has decided to stay on. sit down, have a drink and do what humans should do in situaions like this. Enjoy the time you have left as you would have lived yer life.

I will NOT live my life on a life boat when I could have had a whole ship.

Go to Hell.

Oh and i will keep writing until i am done. I have perps intimating sometimes that people shouldnt talk about killing thmselves they sould just do it. Nice crowd that hangs around me everyday huh? sometimes wether i know it or not.

When yo uprovide the internet to the public yes you give a better chance of survivla to targets but the you give the perps a better chance as well. and spy eqiupment, that right there should cause alarm..that its readily available to the public.
video's should be like bullets froma gun. identified by something that says what camera it came out of and tied to a possible owner.
Anything posted on the internet should have to be registered etc. there should be a detector available to the public that tells wharn any filming is going on.

People should start suing becuz its the constant presence of cameras everywhere that is hightening htier anxiety..
better yet perhaps you, reading this, should internalize the threat -the intimidation that is being presented every time I post. Everytime my spelling is off, when its obvious how weak i am getting, how tired how damaged. How much more closer to ruin or outright death.

Be afraid this could happen to you, be afraid becuz Rachel got made an example of..be afraid, do what yer told go along with the crowd always side with the Police, Fire, criminal and politician or men of power in business. Dont argue with the rich kids take thier crap and suck up to them.
Let them define you, dont fight, dont argue..
beucz you may get targeted. Dont 'make waves'...

"row row row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream" Right?

Actaully you are now a victim of mind control. That is a very common song it was used on , i should say IN me and other survivors. It means
'take the abuse, keep ignoring it (compartmentalizing) becuz its not really happening anyway ( life is but a dream remember) and row your boat down the stream..it will end and so will you and dont ask when. Just keep rowing.

Make some Fuckin waves you assholes.

re:Last post

Uhh, someone remind me I AM human and need sleep....or not to blog when I am so tired.

I am always trying to find out many things at once and it gets all mixed you see.
There is the COINTEL-like activities that have gone on around me, there is the issue of my own programming and the events or subject matter that is hidden and not under my control..like the post of me being gassed on the bus for instance. I did not know about MILABS and that its allegedly the military-again I have no proof. Svali (llok it up) claims to have been part of a group engaging in such activities and she gave no connection with military as responsible party.
The option that its alien activity-I am not saying 'no' to the possibility of anything , ever in this world but I would need a substantial amount of proof for that one.

I am dealing with alot of different subjects and different levles of each.

As I write this now I realize that this has all been to get me to tell what i know or reveal more info about myself. I will never forgive everyone for this. I needed my privacy to fix my programming. As many people recently who are 'in the know' have said to me: "you are not a toy, you shouldnt be being toyed with". I agree.

perhaps like every group of a-hole slave owners these f*cks theink you have to earn your freedom. I will get them for that i truly will, becuz really its jsut more using me for stuff. Its a different sort of 'fun' to play with me while i am deprogramming than it probly was to 'play' with other programming I had. Ultimatly a person like me is never seen as free by the overseers.

I am convinced (let ME be the asshole now) that certain groups who cannot get slave ownership 'out of thier blood' perhaps have a genetic defect and need modification or genetic engineering to 'sure' them of such problems or thier character. This can be arranged. Do you honestly think that only peasants are going to be going away during lowering the population? You never can tell just who is up now can you?



So i personally dont want to join a religion right now...its important to stay impartial to everyone lets say. But I respect people's own choices.

But certain groups can be pretty self righteous..actually i cannot think of one that isnt at times.
I have encountered perps from all the religoius backrounds and help from many as well.

My comments on humans prefering the devil I guess at that moment i meant that they seem to want to be mindlessly selfish and aggresive.

Aside , i do realize now that the 'perps' use what they DO know about you to get u to tell them what they DO NOT know. I am a civilian and not trained in these areas, so i fell for it. Beleive me i feel very stupid. I do not like the damage to my system that has it has taken to reveal alot of what is part of me, but i was targeted into it.

really, i beleive its minimally for info gathering purposes...its mainly for entertainment i think. Which means when all is said and done i am no more ahead than i ever was. I am still controlled, handled, watched, targeted, zapped if i dont behave and now privy to the knowledge everyting is managed....
oh, thats right. They dont seem to care who sees nowadays.
its dangerous. Like in 1984 most likely the illusion of freedom will no lonnger be perpetuated.

This is one of the reasons i do not want o write a book at all. why so the jerks who manage the whole world can use it to thier advantage? Now that i know the truth how can i ever again have a good life? If i write anything i always have to wonder if i am not being pushed in that direction anyway. That book is horrible for anyone being targeted. You read it with a completely different view. You understand the meaning of all the oppression.

Unless something is actually able to be DONE about this system of treating humans like animals to be observed, coaxed, pushed and trained/conditioned then i guess all i have left to do is learn to 'love big brother'. Give up and accept the limits of my circumstances. Who even can say if perps will leave me alon long enough to write? or anyone will publish and not rip me off or perp me around the issue?
Thats the question. How far does this go? IS there some way of fighting? a lawyer to come along in future and say i have rights and the things-the outrageuosly illegal things alot of people have partaken in to hurt me-that there is recourse?

It jsut seems like the system supports the oppression of certain individuals-persons the system chooses. THere is no door out, there is no recourse.
What i dont understand is why so many other people seem to be either in on this or all happy about seeing me or anyone oppressed.. you'd think human beings would be more..forget it. People used to bring the kids to public hangings-its over.

My very fighting for myself is probly entertainment. The system itself is set up to never allow me to be ackknowledged as a person who has to be taken seriously. All kinds of jerks can keep getting off on the fact that they know what happened behind my back and i dont. I am sick of hte sneaky looks and the jerks being self satisfied by simply gettng it over another person.

I hope everyone is happy. Personally i dont think anyone is ever going to face up to what they did. I beleive alot, a great portion of the aggreassion towards me is based on people displacing thier own problems onto me.
That is what a human sacrifice is for isnt it? Its that simple.

I was probly chosen for this before birth. I am sure the intergen perps think its jsut great that i die becuz it'llbe really healing for everybody. the whole world perhaps-this is from my reading up on what the way these sick f*cks actually think- the intergen satanic operators of mind control. I, personally think thier primitive obsession with human scrifice to better conditions for the 'tribe' is stupid in a modern tech society.

it'd be interesting to see if this practice can be done away with thru some sort of managing society thru tech instead of thru sacrificing pscyhics w/healing energy....and sucking them dry to improve your own lives as the person goes into the downward spiral.

There should be laws protecting healers and persons possessing an abundance of psychic energy-as if it were thier own money or something.

You know i keep getting puched to give up ..on all this.
I am given a few options daily.
One is very abusive, to give up and go with a man who will beat me severely and keep me down and put me into abusive sexual situations.

Another is to simply give up, 'grow up' (aka-become afraid of truth and start lying to survive, also can be considered successful reprogramming), and forget about all this, train fo some job that doesnt involve anything i wanted to do originally and jsut be numb and dead.
its as if when you fight suicide programming, you are dead anyway.

you cant fight that.

my next post will explain more on what is being done to me on that level. I am always around perps. In order for me to be reconditioned they'd need to have a constasnt presence of decievers around. its like your drowning.

a too long entry:a website refferal/my findings

www.thehiddenevil.com/ = good website for info. This person has alot of info on it. I certainly cant keep up.

I usually dont give reference to Web sites or blogs simply becuz one of the best ways out of this is to retain the CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS....figure out for yerself who is full of sh*t and who isnt.
I know I have suffered greatly at the hands of decievers claiming to be Targets from groups I now see are probably bogus anyway.

Just look for red flags, thats all. There is alot of disinfo and even the term 'gang stalking' I now believe is a disinfo created term and subject matter.

Important lesson: forget about trying to find out who it is that is ultimatley responsible.
A target should know why they are targeted, unless there is a such thing as people being targeted just for practice- then thats it i guess. There is yer reason.
Perhaps there are things you do not remember yet as reason for being targeted.

One of the things that will drive you nuts is the disinfo people and the perps playing targets.

There are some dangerous people playing Target(s) in some of these groups....and i dont mean just crminals of opportunists. There are some people who are obviously into mind control and I mean dangerous.
I know of someone (love that beginning to a sentence dont u? "I have this friend who....") barely escaped unscathed a few times OVER THE PHONE.
The damn telephone.

If you survive and stay sane you'll see. War fare comes in all sorts of kinds and covert means not obvious.

Just be leary of inconsistency.
Be leary of people who are mean. I am talking about people who claim to be Targets and they seem to be capable at times of being as mean as a perp might be to other humans.

Be aware of sloppy info. Like if someone is too sure about info that is baseless/factless anyway.

*Just read up on psy ops and black ops and you'll get a basis for what false info might contain and the enemy' s motives.

If a target seems to be making really crazy claims or if they seem to complain about stuff that, if u thought about it, might be set up by them or lacks the perps meaness and stress inducing tactics-have yer doubts. Alot of dis-info(enemy activity to divert Target) is just mis-info (ignorance on part of target for various reasons).

It does seem to me now however that a large part of the reigning TI community are operatives in charge of disinfo. You would have to have alot of access to investigative resources to find out who was who or what is what.

Have reasonable doubts about everybody.

Be careful what you blog or email.
Remember everytime I express anything on this blog I run the risk,like every other victim,
of having the perps read it and gain more insight into the way I think, what I know and where my head is at now.
these people are stalkers...but i am a careless sort and becuz i truly believe in freedom of expression as a form of self defense I do not care. As long as someone who may be new to this gains I do not care about risk. What risk? The perps who matter, who watch over this chesss game can find out anything they want at any time anyway. Its always been a joke thinking privacy is really real or its guarenteed. I never expected that people couldnt hack any system they wanted or gather info the good old fashioned way.
Privacy is somehting I expected and demanded.

THAT is what all our arguments should be based on. Stop getting freaked out that someone COULD look into all yer shit-
start getting freaked out (then very pissed off) that someone IS looking into yer business.

all you can do is fight now. Now, as things are now. If what the perps did to you pisses you off, fight for what should have been yours until you keel over or the tables turn in your favor.

If you accept the 'new life' they have set up for you or start to grow into the 'new you' they love to define for target's (by redefining the targets personality with the new restricitve circumstances)

then you are validating thier actions.

What is happening to Targets is akin to a virtual or 21st century version of the trail of tears or similar incident. Like taking a native American from the plains and relocating them to the swmps of Florida. Many died I am to understand....and we know how much sympathy that gets from our population. Which, now I think about it, we as targets might be pretty screwed.
Think about the total compartmentalization this country has for those 'set aside'. The only reason they have dealt at all with African Americans is , I assume, becuz they were still percieved as under the new countries rulership and they still needed them even after slavery was abolished.
They dont seem to need us. You'd think being an american citizen would be enough but obviously it is not.
So as an artistic type of person, the lack of expression, praise and contact with people is going to kill me. Lack of physical contact is going to do me damage. The lack of mental stimulation is going to destroy me..its all meant to drive targets to suicide. They are particularly into making sure i am isolated socially. I was never allowed to 'grow up'..but my situation is connected to mind control activities life long so they are probable trying to reprogram me. I was told by a perp that I was only allowed to grow only very conditionally and those conditions are the gangstalking thats destroying me.

What the people at lower levels dont get is the people at higher levels who set these ops up are doing is trying to get target to kill themselves. People at loer levels think all kinds of naive crap becuz they are mind controlled themselves.
Have no delusions.

There is no target that should ever be subjected to this treatment to learn a lessson, become a better person, know thier place, come down to your level etc etc etc.
When it comes to messing with someone who is programmed all you can hope to get from these results is a burnt out, hollowed out shell of a person who's rich and multi dimensional inner world has been destroyed.

Something else they are trying to do it seems is curb imagination.

The only way I have been able to get thru this is to slowly liquidate my imaginitive side and use only logic. This may be thier attepmt at destroying the very thing that makes programmed people able to be programmed.
These people care little for art or artists. They are too obssessed with seeing all targets as real world threats.
I was purposely manipulated to appear more unstalbe and 'dangerous' than i really was.
Its a cover up...how would you like to live with the memory of what i have discovered since makes me a MILAB?
This is the point where real world 'reality' is so stretched, so far removed from the truth the target has found out that its difficult to love in two worlds. I believe this is what they want.
you'll do what THEY want now. Yer tired. Yer lonely and freaked out. Yer powerless and like a tired addict on a run its time to surrender. Great, except I never agreed to some restrictive parts of 12 step and i still dont. THere is alot of pocketing of the truth but i tolerated it in the interest of getting clean and sober. I allowed myself, by my own will, to become part of the 'program' and after i had gotten a certain amount of control, too many questions arose about the depth of 'the program' and the honesty of members.
I will not give in to a program of behavior modification not under my will.

Especially if I still have to deal with perps all the time and have no freedom.

I can sense these idiots and that is what is driving me insane. They stand there and try to look like they havent been made. Then i pull a couple of tricks and the more careless in the group get made as well. I cant stand it.
That is haow they win...you'll get tired and acept thier presence in yer life. you'll give up and take some job horribly unimaginative and beneath you so as to not be noticed and hopefully left alone.
You'll become a pathetic mind control victim(again) and disregard the fact people are lying to you or handling you right to yer face.

Its very dangerous for me. I am being pushe to treat myself horribly. Thier actions have created in me awful abusive 'alters' that i can barely control.

My nind is wearing and i offered to a doctor recently to take the label..jsut lock me away i am crazy. but people seem to konw i have put alot of energy into walking the tight rope and playing it just right to still be effective but not get locked up. I can say i am proud my family did not gain a success with thier last campaign to have me seen as crazy..still thier wery existence is a threat to mine and unless i am allowed to grow in power i will never be safe from further advances. Hopefully they have forgotted aoubt me but my mother is one who is quite snake like and may stay coiled fro many years -waiting for the moment to strike. Its a frightening quality and i never understood before why she had not gotten further in life from possessing it.

The doc said i was not crazy and would not allow me to do it. Really i am very tired and do not see the point in continueing. I will never regain what i lost and the condtionign is so long term that they get you to lose your anger over what has been done.

My theory is that the NWO is based on trama bonding. If everyone hurts everyone else, if everyone is in pain, everyone is connected. everyine has sympathy for everyone else.
its a sick system however but i have read that the world economies are going to be leveled with each other and such.
Who knew that there could be communism with emotions and feelings. This process really attempt to make you one of the team.

There is group who seem to be what ti call 'sensible satanists' perhaps behind all this.

I have seen more and more people on tv etc flash the sign of hte devil as if it were a gang sign like crypts (misspell i know) or bloods.
Also, the inverse pentagram with the heart on top instead of sharp pointy ends, used to be used to draw devils horns at the top. Lots of tattoos of the inverse pentagram with the heart top, especially among younger people.

I beleive they wish to destroy the imagination and everything illusion that is beautiful by using deception.
They hate Masonic structure, like architecture or the French school of art. This is simply the new, hipped out bullshit version of finding emptyness from the old school Satanism. I suppose as we speak I am living through my own sacrifice and shouldnt be scared bullshit scenerio.

I told you fuckers once and I will not repeat it..I do not accept religion. your's is a religion of the earth and it has no state of grace. its one sided and i dont care how mcuh you think it will heal mankind or jion everyone together in world peace I FEELS BAD TO ME.

These fucks are worse than those people who came to the door and want to tell u about god.

Learn somthing new today kiddies....the joy of life comes from the freedom to choose a religion.
dddddduuuuuhhhh.

GOD! They are like soooooo obsessed! Its f*cking irritating! And they really think they hav eth ultimate plan...just like eeeevery other group throughout human history.

Now I understand Lucifer comppletely. He must've hated man....becuz man prefers the Devil, which I assume Lucifer would hate as well.
I dont know what to think any more and religious nonsense aside all that matters are people's intentions.
Trust me on this one, I have seen enough. THere is some sort of trauma bonding going on and the morons involved actually think its a good thing. And there does seem to be a Satanic gang thing but...something about it is new. It heavily relies on tech and seems to want o destroy all things perveying secrecy and knowledge.

Perp piss off

Piss off the perps they hate to see you laugh ...

http://www.loweringthebar.net/law_enforcement/index.html

read this.

Lets outlive the fuckers behinnd all this and maybe tomorrow will be brighter. I know there are young perps and that is very disappointing and scary. maybe they'll all just disappear someday.
stranger things are happening.

Organized harassment and unions.

Well, I sorta had the union-crime connection figured out already but since I should be doing art work and councilling women and helping change lives instead of figuring them, I really knew nothing about 'thier' world, cuz I shouldnt have had to....thier jobs are to keep the world running for all of us so Me and You can do what We do, not have to get swallowed up by these people.


Interestingly, if I stay in a Right to Work state like AZ, I do not get any harassment from city workers or the usual 'perps' of org stalk in other states by comparison. Yet city bus drivers were a huge problem. I have never been harassed by city bus drivers so overtly and with such open hostility as in AZ. (see recent article for example):

http://www.azcentral.com/community/gilbert/articles/2008/04/01/20080401higleybus0401.html

Also see this video and bullshit whitewash story about school driver:

http://www.azcentral.com/community/gilbert/articles/2008/04/01/20080401higleybus0401.html

Its so obvious that the driver was physical with the student and then the drivers daughter stepped in. They should have strict orders for male drivers only.
I feel bad for the student who got more than she could have possibly dished out. This is an example of how too many people with authority gang-up on someone. Would the driver had pulled that had her she not known her daughter was there to watch her back? I highly doubt it. I can tell that the girl who grabbed her is by nature aggressive and the driver as well. The girl being grabbed is not overly aggressive by nature... look at hre face as the driver holds her by her head. It was open season on this girl the minute that the driver grabbed her.
I would sue the shit out of these people becuz the driver set bad example/a presedant and it lead to the girl being grabbed by others present.

This is much the way organized stalking starts or is perpetuated. Please read up on human behavior in riot situations as well as crowds involved in beatings...people claim they stand by or even join in but cant remember "what came over them". This is why the covert violence of organized stalking is so dangerous-there are no bruises, no attainable security cam vid footage and rarely willing witnesses if people are intimidated enough collectively.

(I know this comes across as amusing to some people but its not. Whoever thinks this is funny is yer typical spoilt rotten, over cottled American who never has to deal with real violence or death..and if you do then yer comparing it to the violence around yer way.
Uhh, I would give anything to have had to only deal with overt physical violence. Why dont you picture being surrounded by people you KNOW want to do you harm and there is no family, no gang, no brother or sisterhood to help you. You are in the cirlce all alone, surrounded by wolves.
Now, tell me how bad ass you think you are again? The people involved feel they have the target in the palm of thier hand all they have to do is continue to use deception.
The non discolsure of my situation to further keep me entrapped will be seen as violent as kidnapping/hostage situation. I will see to it.

A virtual hostage situation..interesting. Oh and while you are busy playing games with people they are building a virtual wall around the border of Mexico. Uhh, just exactly when is it going to be harder to get out than in? If America 'Americanizes' the world I guess we could go anywhere, but its still an option to consider, far fetched as it may seem.
In my situation I already live this way. I have heard and I beleive it that the Targeting continues overseas, no matter where a target goes.)

I have quickly researched and found RPTA in connect with vally metro transit. It lists RPTA as a members only political organization.

Interestingly, I was perped heavily in AZ by a cab co. called Discount Cab. The article lists Dicount as answering to and contracting from RPTA as a parent co.

To thier credit, I highly doubt if union bus drivers could have gotten away with such behavior.

I know this: union members are the most realiable source for organized stalking your gonna find. This is not paranoid on my part, I have trevelled around this country and been targeted throughout. Union professions were a constant as perpetrators of harassment.

I think it is a big mistake for Homeland Security to state on c-span that they are part of our first line of defense against 'threats'.

This would be a good equation for the corruption.
They have been handed too much power over 'the people' yet they are by nature still very corrupt and connected to organized crime in large part.



But..this would explain a few things at least about the manual laborers: they most likely take drugs becuz the work over time becomes physically painful.

It must also be mind numbingly boring or dull for someone who is mentally active, a verrryy common reason for drug addiction.

They are protected and they know it.

I have heard horrible stories about them giving a new fellow worker his first 'taste' and then its just normal in this culture I guess for addiction to follow.

I understand the working class hero thing..I really do. I understand the lack of respect most likely encountered. I stopped having sympathy, however, when I found them to be the majority of the gs perps.

If you read up on working class militancy you will find that they are traditionally labled forigners, women and others as thier mortal enemies anyway.

I know that they make good money, are spoiled rotten, refuse a urine testing system, are sexist pigs in an era I cannot believe they still are allowed to exist in this day and age, and are protected by a dangerous tribal mentality of us and them with management that is easily transferable to any other entity experienced by their members as a threat.

There is a deadly public perception of busdriver=civilian.
Police/fire= neighborhood/community. These people behave militantly whether overt or covert. Then, the community validates thier actions as well as other way round. The target is left with little recourse becuz in every community their will always be the system of connection I just explained abused by kooks who like to : Stalk another human being to death. Torture a human being without consequence.
Gain power in feeling the collective they are part of is controlling a human being under the guise of the greater good.
These are the perps with power who are the strong arm of the system oppressing the target. They act directly in the community by interfacing with the target, yet hold authority where the civilian stalker has no authority directly(though it is infered by the actions of the people with badges against the target.) The persons at the very top never show themselves and act covertly never to the targets knowledge.


The problem with a collective like this is the members own private hells can be too easliy hidden and acted out in the drama collectively of stalking someone to death.

Also, like a team the Target seems to serve to bond the team...always desirable to ultimately control any group.


All in all I think the system is so hooked into being negative and destructive that these people have to do what they do in order to keep thier jobs. The ones who enjoy it however will gladly comply.
We need a way to find out who those people are in the future.

There has to be laws againt psychological harassment and organized stalking must be seen as conspiracy to murder or at least 'a plot of evil design'.

If in fact this is just more psy op /black ops activity then this provides perfect cover.
Then the individual needs to have recourse.
In other words 'bullying' is big nowadays and who knows what its real purpose is or if its been socially engineered into the system to serve a purpose right now.

This is how a target thinks everyone is after him/her. The core group is made up of many different people from all walks of life. The harassment by many persons with authority (police, firemen, busdrivers, security guards,) provides the civilians with authority by association.
"We are after you , the authority of our communities is after you....everyone is after you!"

Remember, not every union person is a perp, just like I have repeatedly mentioned not all cops are in on this or if they act want to be. A cop who doesnt comply in certain ways with his brotherhood could find himself singled out and exposed or a victim of accidental friendly fire.
(Kinda makes dyin alone not seems so bad, doesnt it?)
Just like not all priests are perverts. Some of them genuinly want to help people.
like the people who help a target they do what they can within the limits of the system.....but the threat coming from people who are part of such a militant organization can be very damaging to an individual.

But this is why its called Targeting.

Always remember that you were singled out. Other people around you were doing worse things than you. You were abused thoroughly to be set up as a mere human sacrifice for the tribe.Your privacy was invaded, you were comprimised totally and you'll probably always be denied a fair trial or legal rep. The system no longer serves yo u becuz you have been placed outside the system. Exiled, excommunicated. The only way for them to deny you your legal right and human rights and dignity is to place you outside the structure of the system. Then you are percieved by everyone as a non citizen. I believe this is how they convince people to be sooo accepting of killing someone off this way.
Its the very reason no one takes any of this seriously until the target dies, or no one believes what is happening.
Basically you are a joke.

I dont think humans are sensitized this form of violence unless they have had to deal with it. I have actually seen someone targeted years ago but i did not know the person. days before he died i sensed something was wrong with the whole excuse they were handing everyone as to why harassing him was valid. Nor did i think he was going to die.
I cannot for the life of me understand why people you would know would do this to you.

I guess in my situation, no one wants to deal with how i ended up this way to begin with.
This is how it ends for people from mind control and criminal families who sell them out.
You were raised like a veal on purpose, they keep u down all yer life, then someone wants to come after you or get rid of you, then everyone who is responsible goes along with it. All yer friends are most likely users as well. You've never had anyone to stick by you...then the worst of all is the assholes who dont know you who are in on the story. they are the worst.

They project all thier own shit onto you. its awful to have to do this all alone, then be denied self reliance by constant targeting, have strangers know more than you, friends and family betray you (see the authority sets a precedent if my family stuck by me and helped me then i would not have to deal with people thinking its ok to hurt me all the time )....but i can see its purpose.
The only way you can contain the existence of mind control victimizationa and the existence of an international kiddie network is to keep the awakened victims corralled.Plus, most sensible people are afraid of the network of perps who coral a survivor.

So this society is only interested in some sorts of crime.
It obviously stil keeps slaves with no fuckin problem.

Whats most interesting is that I was targeted way before I became so out there. They knew exactly what they were doing. The situations of 2003 were only great opportunities for them to try to finally crush me. They seem to want information. Its reallly careless and abusive. How can you torture info out of someone who doesnt know what is going on? Its sneaky and highly unethical.
Thus the having to make the target feel bad. Also, to try to give the target a new beginning by encouraging them to change.
I keep getting the feeling as well as perp action that i am to behave more 'normal' and fit in do as the crowd does, give up arts completely.

I have to remember, there are people who used to pimp certain people my family knew back during my childhood. Blacks -were prob in some gang action. I was kept away from it much of the time but this culture here probly knows about that and sees me as coming from that enviro as well as having some connection to that past...i HIGHLY doubt if those idiots are capable of high level programming. The stupid bitch I had to deal with...I almost slapped H. one day. I really did.
The amount of handlers around the people I grew up with as well as myself was disgusting.
I ahve to get what is going on in my life from street sources. And its amazing how the 'decent' people have behaved so indecently.
Everyone probaly sees me as some sort of bum or street person now. Its where I belonged in thier estimation. This culture is disgusting. Its classist, sexist, racist and never really free or of equal opprtunity..unless you can runn crying to some advocay group who will threaten people.

Anyone should be albe to make anything of thier lives they want if they are smart enough and their is some resources to help them.
I am sure everyone has made excuses for themselves internally as well as the ones they have put forward publically.
I know one thing. No one has ever, not once asked me for the real story. People come up to me with judgements all the time. Pre pack judgments.

All i know is i was trying to buil something, my life and people got in my way and ontinue to do so via daily ahrassment. Why is this necessary? Also, why would you enjoy it? I just dont get it.

This is the main purpose of making the target into high profile hate object. It allows the public to do dirty work for them. Would people have hated me if they had not been exposed to a smear campaign? I know that I go targeted when I was younger but it was the more sparce pattern of random rudness, 'bad luck' etc. It wasnt so stressful or overt.
I would like to be a member of one of these strangers one day, just to see what thier motives are.

If I have MPD and dont know it, then i guess it would be scary for them or it could serve to make them cold towards me becuz they percive me as another creature different from them...like a real member of a slave class that is very differnt from them.

Perhaps i have woken up to realize my place in the world is that of the slave class, everyone is in full knowledge of it and no one cares jsut like the callous attitude towards slaves you hear about in history here in AMerica. I mean its JUST THE WAY IT IS...there is not changing it in thier minds. Rich kids seem to reallllyyyy hate me for some reason.
They need to mind thier own fucking business.

homeless

Burnout

"His eventual fate is a reflection of how the "sad mists of the world of deceit" often leave former spies with mental burnout."
Yeah, ask any one Targeted too long. And people wonder why people's blogs or websites start to seem non sensical. In the beginning I sure did.


"The thing is, my boy, people like Vincent are attracted to the service for all sorts of odd reasons. They often have too much imagination -..."
Uhh, yeah, see it in the perp's insanity every day.

"...may have been formed most by the scenery they grew up in - the sunlight touching roofs and garden trees, the telephone poles receding up the road until they become minute, "seeming to lead to a region of illusion"."

And some of us just wanted to write books and paint pictures help illuminate other humans.

Some of us thought we were born artists but woke up to such a horrible realization of another life.

That 'region of illusion' should only be created in a piece of artwork.

The only good and true use of illusion.

"TERRORING"

Here is the link:
http://oldandrew.edublogs.org/2007/03/18/getting-%E2%80%9Cterrored%E2%80%9D/

Finally! Something new for me about the nature of these crimes against Targets...also refreshing to see a new name for what is basically psychological harassment. I keep going over the same old info. Now a newpoint of view,for my research anyway.

It makes NO difference if it is a bunch of unruly poor kids or a bunch of f*cked up rich kids (partially my original perp group). Nor does it differentiate the two afore mentioned groups from the adults involved in 'gangstalking'. It is also no different from the intimidation of psy ops (raping you on many different levels until u give in....uh, win hearts and minds.Whatever.)

I have had many perps, especially in the midwest pull the tactic mentioned of rubbing in the days collective overt mind games by saying "are you doin alright?" but its asked in a way that makes the target feel like they are intimating that thier is something wrong with you (persecution)..this is why mostly bus drivers(notorious gs perps) asked this question. It was always a man who asked this question at any rate. Other stuff in the beginning they would pull like "smile, you're young" or " smile" these comments are rude when the person asks in such a way that you can tell its related to another perps behavior just prior...as this teacher describes the sequence.
Also, the absolutely annoying perp 'psycho smile's that EVERY target complains about are definitely meant to have the same affect as the comments I mentioned in my case or this teacher writes about experiencing in the street outside the classroom.
(psychologically it serves as a tool of re enforcement of the terror).

Its interesting how kids have gotten their hands on these tactics for their own abuse of power.
Did they get it off the Internet? Is it becuz we are dealing with an entire generation of kids raised in day care centers so there is this creepy Children of the Damned collective consciousness thing going on?

Whats more interesting is these tactics are being used by people much more important than mere kids to get rid of persons they find inconvenient.

For Artists

Targeted Artists Please Read This:

http://www.well.com/user/jmalloy/gunterandgwen/titlepage.html

more about programming

So no one is going to believe someone who is destitute and uneducated that they are programmed and harassed becuz they refuse to either drop dead (welcome to suicide programming) or become prisoners (jails, institutionalization or psych meds).

Its quite obvious to me now that all mind control surviviors that do not obey suicide programming will be coerced into one of these new prisons of the physical realm when the prisons or structures within no longer contain/control the mc survivor.
I cannot believe my experiencing this as common practice. Its an insult to everything I or any survivors have fought for and its a slap in the face to the glory of mankind itself becuz these new prisons deny the wonder, agility and richness of the human mind.

Its very very sad.

I had read this article a while ago but it only validated what I had read elsewhere and what i knew about my own head.

http://truthbeknown2000.tripod.com/Truthbeknown2000/id17.html

I have no idea about the cridentials of this person and to my disappointment when I contacted them it was strictly help for non targeted/gangstalked persons.

Interestingly, I am now allowed to conscously reveal a probable connection to other behaviors survivors may encounter.
There is an article I read on fantasy addiction years ago during my heavy research period when i actually had my own apartment. Its called fantasy addiction and yer gonna haveta look it up yerselves becuz if i even mention the source they'll probably all of a sudden mysteriously go out of business, change thier employees or thier name or some such nonsense--if yer being heavily targeted and people do not want to be percieved as helpful to you, the Target in any way...you know the drill.

The article and association deals with approaching alot of issues with psychology not imprisoning methods. One such issue was fantasy addiction .
It reffered to it
1) as an addiction, connected to other addictive behaviors
2) as a defense mechanism against anxiety

good enough but what is more compelling is fantasy addiction as a defense mechanism against death anxiety.

If you are programmed how much death anxiety do you think you have .....quite alot.

This would explain/define more clearly the mention of some high profile survivors that persons with certain programming exhibit a propensity towards fantasy.

its a defense mechanism.

it is in certain forms also can be a form of self talk therapy.

What must be understood is never forget how nasty these people are to begin with....they do not care about the survivor. They are trafficers and all they want is the older ones to die so thier newer younger models can be used up and so on. The cycle of abuse of human beings never ends as far as i can see. These jerks are ultimatley protected so thus explains even the most lowly gang stalker's arrogance.

Yet thru my ordeal I have sensed that some entity or collective parties are thinking they are being helpful by invasive deprogramming tactics.
They throughout this whole process of my destruction by covert methods have been veeerrryyy
curious as to what is inside my head.
Some structures have been broken into and it was very damaging.
they do not seem to care what happens to the person as long as they get all the info as to what is in your programming.
its totally obnoxious. I bet thier excuse is they want to see if any dangerous programming is in thier or sleeper programs.

Once expendable, always expendable. Great way to ruin a brillaint mind and rich artistic talent...wouldnt want those running around uncontrolled-especially from a female.

Oh, and breaking me down so i can never get revenge or justice for all my associates who sold me out along the way. Great!

I am sure this is where the attitude of "just take what life we are giving you' arrogant attitude comes from.



To the ignorant I know this sounds like I the writer am just imagining things etc etc.

This blog was never for those existing outside this horrible system of oppression.
It would be like me, coming to YOUR job, your chosen field of expertise and saying I dont believe you about what really goes on behind the scenes of your job..or that I dont believe u when you make claims about the machinations of your job...you've been doing for say 30 years or so.

How insulting is that?

If you are an outsider , unless you have a relative understanding of psychology, a realistic view of human violence and greed and an understanding of the history of psy ops and the general way of using covert methods to control humans....if you dont want to keep it real FOR REAL then as usual I say fo read something else.

Before I am reformatted, wiped or dead (out of demanding one last shred of dignity) i
will help as many survivors as possible with this blog..

Article of Interest

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2008/04/13/how_to_defuse_a_human_bomb/


Yes, its claimed its only for terrorists but it seems all sorts of people are being reformatted.

A radical of even the most harmless type seems a danger nowadays....or perhaps its more about covering the tracks of old projects. Notice the comparison in the article to "cult deprogramming".

Is anyone else out there offended once again at being treated like a silly child by having the media continue to perpetuate the illusion that nobody knows just how these people get this way?

Its called mind control.

Its been around for a long time and I can only hope all that is happening is going to make the use of mind control like this both for covert reasons and overt terrorism to be obsolete very soon.

Being 'brainwashed' (childish term) is no fun but being hunted down or kept down or simply used as a human bomb is the least fun ...ever probly.

I was in MI during the summer, near Canada. A real IDIOT zealot, fanatic...a misguided patriot Org. Stalker type, or maybe just an informed org. stalker trying to anchor me (see glossary of gangstalking terms) was looking right at me and said to the people around her something about stopping a ticking time bomb.

I am sick of people who know nothing about various kinds of programming handling mc survivors. Some of these people think they are helping others seem to get off on thinking that people with sex slave programming "live to please".. or some regular people get the idea your special circumstances means you are simply easily ordered around or something.

If you are programmed you have the internal drive and intel to be amused by this sort of human vanity and like me I hope you scan these potential targets and label them harmless and of no consequence. Humans can be very careless with things they have the illusion they are in control of and they are also childishly afraid of things they really do not understand.
What sucks is that the jerks who are the real perps of trying to get rid of you or wipe you/make you docile know that these idiots are endlessly useful. Enough of them everyday will leave lyou hopeless and suicidal. Drowning in idiots daily.
Take heart in knowing that they only dare handle you becuz others have authorized it. These people do what they are told. Alot of htem seem cult mind controlled (the group mentality is essential in controlling them, much LIKE Arab terrorist children actually- I looked it up. If you seperate them from the group they start to freak out and they cant be interviewed or function)

So there is definitely activities against anyone the administration deems a terrorist but it seems that might be anyone who is inconvenient for them or their wealthy powerful friends.

Its a good time to get rid of old mc survivors.

Remember the comment of the two men in MO..about cleaning out the system and making room for the next.

There will never be an end to the use of mind control for sex drugs and profit.

I can accept that, unlike what everyone thinks of me I am more like the structure that programmed me than I would like actually. I realize the practicality of the situation. I understand the need for order.

But to use foriegn terrorism as a front and to be cruel merciless, humiliating and insulting in setting things to order is unacceptable.
Its cowardly at best.

I will not be deradicalized becuz my desire to recover memories in therapy and become a councilor for womens issues and do some art work on the side was not exactly a radical plan.

So artists are terrorists? Women who want to pioneer some projects connected to under treated womens issues is the same as blowing things up?

I think the problem is a formely programmed person would come to realize its existence and if working with a special population like sex workers..guess what I would probly find alot of in that population? You guessed it.
This is the reason prostitutes have to stay scapegoated in our society-hidden.

I had this great little idea that there should be some help for workers who feel they are ready to leave the industry but have no idea how to live outside that reality. This society needs this badly. We disgard these people like old greayhounds who cant race anymore.
There is untold potential and life in this population and they need a way to recondition themselves to regain thier birthright as human beings.


How is that terrorism?

The only thing I can think of is the cover story on me is so good anyone will belive anything...
ahhh but we are not dealing with a wise population.. there is a reason the only people who look ashamed at my predicament are some law enforcement and career criminals.
They know the game and they are wise enough to know this is 100% BS.

Its good they want to get rid of impressionable persons who want to blow stuff up and are brainwashed to hurt others...
Maybe someday soon they'll be forced to use it on all the 'gangstalking' perps they created-who seem to fit the same profile.

Whats especially interesting is that as usual you've got college psych types involved--opportunities for human experimentation abound. Always a bad sign..(ask me about my family's history with human experimentation).
i love the guy who's going potty over it all- "its very very new and its very very exciting"..
yeah except it can be misused.
Its not new either.
I wrote about the Tavistock deprogramming tactics and these have similarities.

Its always the same its all about control.

I dont care if people are programmers, deprogrammers, personal handlers or 'gangstalkers' its still about controlling the minds of human beings

and it has to stop. On all sides.

Even More books to read

A must read:

STASILAND by Anna Funder (Granta Books-London)

(short for Staatssicherheitsdienst, or State Security Service. East Germany)

Came out in 2003.

Read it-you'll feel better.

being blacklisted

I have been around the country, experienced all kinds of gangstalking styles and they do indeed vary be region. I was told by perps in Manchester CT outright that I was blacklisted...gee as if I couldnt have guessed. I stayed in a shelter there. The whole community of homeless are all in trouble, there is a huger group that occupied the shelter, the woman managing it was a perp. The locals who lived near by were colorful and interesting but everyone knew my story. There is one annoying old guy who lives there, he is sometimes known as santa becuz of his white beard and fat stomach. He is a character however and when he is not trying to coax a woman upstairs to his place he can be very amusing by standing by his front stairs recounting stories of how he used to do martial arts Murder Inc type work for 'the wiseguys'....whether true or not is unimportant. I doubt he could've told me anything important except for the cover story. So if he says i am blacklisted he is a cover story supporter even if he knows the mc survivor story or not.

I wonder often how much each faction knows, really. I seem to know more than split factions becuz i have talked to all sides and put all the info they know together. Plus, i know what is in my own memory, whats left of it.

BUt sometimes I fear that the reason the gangstalking is so bad and people act like they dont care about the crime of slavery thru mind control is perhaps becuz programmed people may not remember certain events and maybe the only people who do not know about mind control slavery is the enslaved themselves. How horrible would it be to wake up and realize only you did not know what is going on and everyone else does.

I have no idea how much the general public really know about all this. They certainly seem to not care at all. I have seen enough nationwide and thru talking other allegedly targeted persons
to know that alot of people are in on the organized stalking...whether this is always an extension of psy ops or just the civilian factions I do not know. The tactics that are similar.
So why should people sympathize if they are benefitting?
It could just be a case of if it isnt happening to them, its not thier problem. Also, the authority figure has not made mind control real for the public yet.

Yes, as usual, the public especially in NATO 'free' countries need the authority figure to validate the existence of things plain in front of their faces for them. In the USA you could instill the public perception that the sun does not exist.....many conspiracy theorists will investigate the possible existence of this elusive firey ball of gas but what real proof do they have! The public would all know they were just cranks, damn it...though a portion of the population would stare up in the sky during a bright day and 'see' the sun, but only momentarily believe it.
Perhaps with enough exposure of the viewpoint that this bright ball of gas actually exists in our skies, the general public would begin to look out to the atmosphere and accept with much reservation, that what they see plainly in front of thier faces is actually there. Always suspect however...just a little suspect.

We can plainly see this with the environmental issues . Only recently did the issue become really 'real ' to the public. For 40 years or so concerned people and scientists (who's job it is to know more than the general public) have been trying to voice on these issues and only in the '90s did it seem to really take.
I talked to someone recently who's moving with a medical business to a new location. One of the things she mentioned was to .."green it up a little" in reference plans for the newly built location.

People still arent getting this...hasnt anybody noticed how uncomfortable it seems when the sun is out during the day? maybe its just for those of us who are targeted. I feel I am hit way harder during any sun or heat and it seems to ease when dusk comes...of course for me it stops at 12 midnight and begins at 6 am every morning.
I noticed when it snowed in MO one day , alot of snow for them that it was like I wasnt targeted that day at all.

I have an idea that whatever is being used has trouble functioning through snowy weather or very stormy rainy weather, like thunderstorms.
Its very bad in area where thier is alot of sun and heat, which unfortunately becuz of mold exposure I usually need for my health to be maximized.

Any way people just do not feel they need to be concerned about something like mind control if it isnt an issue for them or if it isnt validated as reality by the establishment. Often people who matter die of cancer...people who are expendable are targeted. Perhaps that is why no one cares.
I assume every one agrees with the decision for the targeted person to suffer indignity or commit suicide.

The tech targeting lately consists of alot of low level sexual stimulation, like on a loop, cyclical.
It make me very unhappy but it seems to work for suggestion. Lately its very strong suggestion to commit myself and say I imagined everything from the ex being a dealer and a jerk to the mold exposure and apologizing to Olnck, even wanting to pay them back from the sign out of court (i was forced into of course by the most intense gangstalking period to date. Its fun to be sued by a mc survivor isnt it? we are already targeted and its almost immposible for us to 'tell' what really transpired. Actually I believe the mold was on purpose...with out suing the a-holes would've tried to say my memory loss and behavior while living there was mental illness, which perps tried to suggest anyway..suing was the best thing i ever did. Remember, my targeting is intergenerational and they reallllyy want to make it look like its genetic mental illness. unfortunately, this isnt the fuckin '60s anymore and cover ups are alot harder to pull of than they used to be. Whats interesting about nowadays is that the public ARE informed and knowledgable but choose to ignore facts, which is making our world more dangerous than ever[if you enjoy freedom] becuz it proves people in this country can be strong armed and intimidated jsut as easily as any other country now or in history.....
what an intersting experiement.. to give the public an source for information so they can really no longer say they did not know about a subject then impose fear and intimidation, jsut to see if they will cave in or fight.
Its really not the fault of the people. The situation we are in now started with alot of factors introdued over many years which i wont get into, but i can see as plainly as any one else... raising the cost of everything so high, instilling people with irresistable want and a vicious greed/keep up with the Jones or any one else for that matter, making alot of things much more inaccessable or difficult than they used to be and cutting benefits and retirement at people's jobs as well as job security.
The changes made during my life time in the last 30 years or so are insane. People are going to go insane...then if they react in a healthy way by being depressed or angry they need psych meds.. Also introduce so much info on the net that they become overwhelmed especially with all the ads and the pop ups and bullshit-
you have a society that has been set up for ultimate stress out and the population turns off and numbs itself and I cannot blame them. I really cant.
I chose to chase truths thru my life and investigate first myself and then when i awoke from programming, the world around me, which i see more clearly at times than others only becuz i did not see it at all for years BECUZ of my programming. i had not internalized alot of things society uses to control adults. Also, i was not supposed to live past a certain age so i only did as programmed. I never had children or got married or bought a home. I have more time to investigate things and nothing really to lose except my life which as someone with internal programming losing ones life isnt really important anyway.

its sad most people think i was a self obsessed loner. its what the jerks targeting me wanted and itll stick. when yer waking up from programming alot of things happen, alot of other survivors were lucky they seemed to have resources or found people to help them. The only thing i had was my intel and my intuition but they got me good and their timing was prophetic. I have been defined by others and i am sure in a society looking for targets and opportunities to judge people i will not last very long and the outcome of being a high profile hate object is an expected one.

I have fared better than most of my economic level and education level but inner resources will only have me survive for so long.
the fact everyone is ignoring the injustices that were done to me is killing me slowly(on top of everything else they do to you) and the actions of me trying to go to school and get help thru therapists at that period of time i was in my Brighton apartment.....i was waking from programming and it was my last chance to make anything out of my life. The assholes knew that and they slammed me. I refuse to try to rebuild or make my life over again.
Why should I ? After the complete raliroad job they did to me?
But what is the price of one half crazed female loner with a sordid past and no one wants her around anymore amyway, not her family, her ex her former associates who are all criminals anywy?
She knows too much. And of course, all you hav eto do with me is target me and i will talk wayyyy to mcuh, then you black mail every one i 'embarassed' becuz u put cameras in my apartment for jsut that purpose, then, like with all wonderful gangstalking campaigns you have a web or network of victims you can play agaisnt the original target-you make bank, you keep the Targets friends and associates under control lest they try to assist or save her from her fate and
best of all you have MORE perps who want rid of her now.

Arent they efficient? you have to wonder just how long this sort of thing has been going on. it seems like the work of sophiticated, experienced criminals thats for sure. Max damage min evidence, exposure is used exploit target further,perceptions are easily managed, money is squeezed out of other targeted persons involved who also serve as support after being turned....no waste, no muss.
I had people trying to warn me about hte building but it was to late.. giving me a multi page packet in something slightly related to housing, heavily cincentrating on the cell phone repeaters on top of the building...
ok, i get it, all Targets at this point get it. I have stayed at other places that are for purpose of low income , like old hotels and the repeaters there are also used to target people.
Its horrible and it isnt sci fi its happening now.
I suggest moving into a f*cking Faraday cage in a building with concrete and steel and no cell phone reception--and no perp or stupid neighbors with signal enhancers either.
Recently I read a target blogging that it doesnt do any good with other types of 'non-lethal' weapons.

So i can only assume from what i just wrote that anyone targeted is fucking dead and alot of the population knows about it and do not care for a nuber of reasons.
I highly doubt they will ever step up and do anything about this issue.

I think they probly believe that if you are being hit at this level that you are indeed a danger or truly undesirable and you probably should go.

Its easy to get rid of me, i had nothing to begin with but obviously i had alot that was important to someone becuz its very important to get rid of me.

It wont be much longer....i really am very unhappy and i look awful. The growing up process i was involved in after waking up from programming was interupted and it will stay interupted.

As long as no one acknowledges the interference with my affairs or the interuption of my deprogramming process as real or valid I will continue, on a loop, to be interupted.
The behavior modification program i am obviously in is incrdibly shame based and is seeking a complete submission from me. It keeps idealizing surrender, submission, docility, humility based on humiliation not true healthy humblness, non aggression, weakness not strenghth, ideal gentle care taking femininity not goddess/warrior/artist/advocate for suffering peoples....it idealizes, with perps intimations as well sex with only one male preferably a husband who will
'handle'me, sex only as often as the man asks for and only when the male initiates--a total lack of female aggression or even assertiveness.
The perps have helped with suggestion over many years concerning these issues. I have been perped repeatedly with insulting references and intimatioins concerning my aggression (whilst perhaps i was only being tenacious or assertive) , my (former) healthy high sex drive, my natural athleticism, my drive, my warlikeness... in general my much more natural urge to behave like a normal European woman and not an American one.
Considering all my ancestors came over on the Third wave of immigration the way I am does not suprise me at all nor should it suprise any one else.

Yet when you are trying to handle someone who you formerly had under control...
yes, now i see. All these qualities are great when under somone elses control....to serve others these traits are wonderful, but under the will of a pissed of wronged female i can see how they would be most undesirable.

By the way, if you dont want to get blackmailed i highly suggest you cut off the balls of bullshit just LIKE project chatter...dont let them target people who know to much and conveniently stick cameras in thier apartments to catch it all for thier greedy purposes ...oh, and if you are going to go along with being intimidated you might just want to not be cliche and shoot the messenger-
yet unfortunately that might be one of the conditions you have to agree to to make it out of the situation alive...
Getting rid of old mc survivors whilst marketing it to the desperate, intimidated, greedy masses for fun and amusment 101.

Get a clue. Not everything is Amrican Idol, sometimes people just want to sing to themselves for themselves.. And not everything is a reality show either. Some people actually have rich inner lives-especially when thier is a crisis in the life of a human, the imagination can serve as a great healer of the mind and body.
But how would YOU the public know any of this--you are so fuckin dark, you are so black inside, you are so enslaved. You actually do not realize what is healthy for you and what is not based on your own judgement.
And how did this become MY f*kin problem? The public are so spoilt nowadays with being handed human sacrifices tho keep them amused (diverted) that they think anyone is fair game.
They dont realize that there is a network of really bad people out there who want to get rid of people like me who were waking up and had the luxury of realizing there is a world out there that needs help. My attitude was always that if i am so damn smart i have an obligation to help others.
I have talked to old timer targets. I am told the people in this system of oppression i just mentioned do not want people who will help humanity or geniunely love thier fellow man.
they want to be rid of people like us and make sure all our lofty ideals are destroyed before we can make reality out of them.

Perhaps this was the purpose of the slackers. My generation figured doing nothing might be the best form of rebellion if one is not sure of what WILL work.
Now i realize that waiting until now was the best option, but of course the jerks are right there, waiting for you the minute you get going.
I bet they have been especially watching gen-x straglers who havent sold out for years now. Its easy to get people who were raised on June and Ward Cleaver to eventually revert to that in old age-especailly after a nice dose of disillusion, but its a hell of a lot harder to get rid of kids who were raised to question authority from infancy. Who were told not to be ashamed thier bodies, to express themselves freely. Even after we make negotiations with the adult world in our own adulthood etc, the basis of belief is still unwavering-unless you are like those awful sorts i have seen who go the opposite way completely for whatever thier reasons.

I was listening to an 80's song yesterday on you tube....someone had urged i listen but their cd was busted. i noticed as i observed alone that it was comforting. it was a heavily tech dependant track...
Tron, alot of 80's music.. technology befriending mankind not used to enslave him.
Thats how it was in the past. Computer tech was experienced as comforting and even healing becuz in my perception it was in a form in harmony with mankind as the result would be if man were in harmony with the more harmless, pleasant aspects of the natural world.
Tech now is being used to stress humans out; to enslave people. Even techno has grown into a force that became more agressive and now it permeates thru the sorld of music as a hypnotic enslaving sound, replacing natural human rythms.
I no longer experience tech as a helper but as an enslaver. i beleive alot of humanity would agree with me. But i am 37, i remember things as they were.
as usual, young people adapt and grow...i do not know what they are expereicing through the new way technology 'behaves' in societies across the world.

I really feel that people in general are out of touch with how much pain they are in and are experiencing overload and this is always good for enlsaving people.

what went on in my lifef, what the assholes did to me is no mystery to me...it jsut isnt important, teh big picture is important.

unfortunatley i am not going to make it. its too much, knowing how much i have lost including my future, but this is what they plan for you when you are born into these families.
The attitude from perps is things like "u can take it" "its not hurting you" "yer strong" "it coulve been worse" and generally that i have no rights anyway. they especialy love to bring up a lack of power and money also as good reason for me being in this position
gee, maybe i should have just obeyed my suicide programming...that was free to me via my internal programming and it only took the power of alifetimes worth of pain to make it happen which i certainly had agreat reserve of.
And i would not be here now, suffering......
see how you can tell they are shaming you and they are so wrong adn full of shit?
I was supposed to anyway, (duh) and your nasty organized stalking/psy ops network has been pushing in this direction since 1996 in a fairly overt manner anyway, so it doesnt matter how i 'go' as long as i 'go'.

last will and testament, living will

If anything happens to me I want to be cremated. I specifically do not want to go into the ground at all nor do I wish to be buried under any circumstances.

I especially do not want to be buried in the Willems, Cedrone, Orban or Bourque family plots at all.

The state of MA is my executor and I wish to be cremated by them, since I cannot afford anything else, except perhaps that I have insurance from the federal govt and state of MA.

My last wishes are to have my ashes put out in the desert salt flats of UTAH or
I give permission to any artist to make a tasteful piece out of any part of my skeleton,
only to be used for the purposes of art.

LIVING WILL/HEALTH CARE PROXY

I , Rachael Orban, do not wish to be kept alive by any means that is artificial.

I specifically request to not be resuscitated under any circumstances by medical professionals at any time.

These are my wishes and I want them respected. I do not wish and specifically prohibit the interference of any biological family members.
Especially those claiming to have life insurance coverage on me or a burial plot in my name.

Me bitchin about more possible harassment

The librarian at MIT is such a little snob. He jsut called MA the great nanny state. He cant stop talking about his little art career. He is also your typical person who seems to want to brag about his female ex roomate being diffult but hard to throw out ( a typical boring story fromevery college kid in this state, which by the way is hte great nanny of students not poor people- I have been around this country, other states do better by the poor. The only poor that do well here play ball with the cops in the informant system. So this little bastard better be grateful for the Oliver Twist-esque security system in this city or we could jsut let all the poor prey on him instead of the system feeding them. I also notice the second I started blogging about this and recitng it, the twit changed the subjsct as well as everyone who was still and playing silent audience to him has moved physically since as well as he. The subject matter has changed, and others are in on conversation instead of his self indulgent monologue.
Once again EXPOSURE is the one thing that these offenders are averse to. Its like an off switch for street theatre and directed conversation. I made sure I gauged by looking at the faces of his collegues behind the desk. There were far too many silent for too long with smirks at what he kept doing. The subjects he covered were obvious ones: the kind of jerks who become cops. People who come in here who dont have alot going on with thier lives. His views on how the older generation of artists are falling away. How his generation is greedy. How his friend in the arts was making lots of money where most people in the arts make $----.Difficult psycho famale roomates. MA the great nanny state.
How do I know it was directed conversation other than the 'circumstancial evidence'? becuz for the last 10 minutes his voice has been interuppting what I have been doing, forcing me to listen to him. It has also been grating on my nerves and making me feel psysically uncomfortable. After you have been terrorized and stalked for years you become very attuned to psychological abuse. You become very sensitive, the term is sensitized. Its like re-opening a wound every day so it cannot heal.
Whats so awful about this system of psychological abuse is that a rich kid from MIT who is not necessarily a member of a gangstalking group will take part in the harassment of a Target simply becuz he is a stupid kid in his 20's or becuz he has been raised to hate the poor or has difficulties with women. Once a Target's status is known to the public any person may take part becuz they have what should be unlawful superior knowledge.

Its very sad but its common in these operations historically to recruit the help of an unwitting public....especially one who is being conditioned to target a certain group.
I cant blame people for being annoyed with poverty, drugs, crime the homeless, welfare, the loss of decency in this country or the losss of civility. But remember, its all managed at the top levels to be the way it is now. Do you honestly believe that this government could not keep drugs out if it really wanted to? Etc etc on all issues I jsut mentioned?
Yer not thinkin then and if I was that mentally lazy I would have lost to the villians a loong time ago.
This kid needs a job on a stage not a library. He is aggravted tonight becuz some Eastern european woman tried to rip off some books or something earlier. Welcome to the world, son. In eastern europe you have to be sly to get anything so I hear.
This is yer typical spoilt brat in this country right now who is so cottled he's bored out of his mind and messing with others is a fun way to get a burst of energy for himself.
Whats worse about my situation is that there is that percentage of chance that he is just an opinionated kid who was rattling on about stuff he hates in this world and it happened to touch on many subjects.. maddening, isnt it? I kinda wish I was bein perped like years ago when they thougtht for sure i'd break sooner than later and the perps were coming up to me and being realy forward and saying stuff about my life that they absolutley should not have known. Then at least I would know for sure, you know?
Its sad to think that this is the great nanny state but I was screwed out of an apartment, a chance to go to school and now years later I have no place to sleep tonite once this blog enrty is done.
I work every day on this. If I were to have turne perp for the system or play ball in some other way after being squeezed I am sure I would be given alot of things.....there is no such thing as something for free. This society needs the existence of the poor or there would be no poor.
Everyone has to play ball or serve some purpose to the corrupt system in some way. Lets say he was a perp...this kid. He could've earned his freedom or even rewards by perping a target.
No one is exempt, except those who are ignorant of the system or order and oppression for whatever purpose they serve being ignorant.
Whatever his motives, his views are invalid and he speaks with the mind of a boy in his twenties.. thats all. He'll wake up, well awaken, maybe never wake up, in his 30's one day. watch out boy, life gonna getcha!
He wouldnt last 5 minutes in my stiletto's, or my worn out biking shoes through 20 states.

He'll never be a woman.
He'll never be a woman in her late 30's which seems to be a creature this society fears worse than any weapon.

WHAT? I am jsut trying to be me?

Its all about privacy.
We need laws against psychological harassment.
So people as smart as me dont have to spend thier lives targeted, in university libraries, homeless.
I shouldve had a house by now, I should be working, at the top of my game, enjoying my newfound freedom.
Belive me I did not plan for this.

suicide programming 101

I feel the need to write this down not becuz it's going to help me, in fact it puts me in more danger, but I am being targeted still and can't stand it much longer. If anything happens at least there'll be some information perhaps to help someone else or just for people to know there was more to my death than just me being a screw up or suicidal crazy person.

And don't worry, something tells me in the future there wont be anymore of this nonsense. If there is one world government, why would people need couriers or any other kind of covert spies..the only problem would be the mind controlled sex slave programming. I cant see how people are going to convince the sick corrupt men (and women) who take part in indulging in this sort of perversion to stop. Perhaps it is just my wishful thinking that the world would be a better place and we should not suffer.

Firstly let me explain that the people who are into this trade really believe we are made for this kind of thing and our job is to serve them. That's why you have inter generational mind control. Its like the attitude towards slaves back in the plantation days here in the USA. The attitude seems to be that its really not doing us any harm. That we are bred or born of stock who can take the abuse or that that is simply our lot in life. If a mc survivor wants to wake up and have some sort of life using the abilities they were born with they should be able to. This is the worst sort of slavery becuz its covert and there will be no records in the history books, no acknowledgement of our plight. I, for whatever reason, as well as some other people seem to have survived and broke programming enough to discover what and who I am. The small handful of people who seemed to have survived is an indicator that most people do not realize what is happening to them and they simply....the desired ending seems to be jails institutions or death. Perhaps this is why a survivor gets 'gang stalked' more aggressively when they go into recovery. The 12 step programs are one of the activities that seems to help break programming.
Believe me, it helps to fight mind control all around. Just make sure you don't fall into the grip of mind control of the 12 step group.

This is what they don't want. You, the survivor, thinking too independently. USING the very things that are supposed to be used against you to your advantage.

If you look on many mind control survivor websites you will see that its a common occurrence for certain things to break peoples programming, recovery being one of them.


As you may know I am claiming to be a survivor of trauma based mind control programming.
Unlike some survivors I do not know who was utilizing me or who was responsible for programming me but I can basically tell that I was a courier of information and had sexual programming as well. I do not know of any other activities I may have taken part in...it would be interesting to find out.
I was definitely what is described as an expendable mind controlled slave.

I believe my compartments started to break down at the suiciding age anyway, mid 30's, but also another factor I believe is mold exposure and/or untreated infectious disease causing brain damage. Brain damage seems to be a factor in alot of mc survivors 'waking up'.

Personally I believe there is some tie to experimentation having to do with the fact that the CDC predicts infectious diseases will become the #1 health issue in the coming 20 years or less. As one can see from the patterns of flooding due to enviro changes, mold may become an even more widespread enviro hazard than it is now.
I have wondered if I am not part of an experiment to see how these coming changes in the future are going to affect people who are programmed in the populations of the earth.

It also seems there is some experimentation to see if programed persons can be deprogrammed and behavior modified, especially those with suicide programming.

You have all read about or heard on the news about sleepers and suicide bombers. The term sleepers directly admits to the existence of mind control programming and suicide bombers are probably programmed to perform such acts. Its all in the mind.
There are other clues in our society as well. On a cable tv station about animals years ago I was shocked and amused to hear them doing a story about attack dogs, k9 types, and how these animals had "compartmentalized minds" and this is how they can attack as well as be docile depending on what "trigger words" were used.

I guess humans dont want to believe they can be programmed or that that only happens in those other awful foreign countries. They do make the bombers out to be religious zealots which may be true but I am not concerned with world politics nor any other affairs. I am concerned in transferring info from what I have learned to you so you may survive, possibly. If you are a survivor of mc you will be blacklisted and hounded it seems for the rest of your life. Aww, they are just soooo pissed some of us beat suicide programming and didnt die when we were supposed to. These people's sense of privilege is appalling .

I have read there is big money in mind control slavery and I alone or anyone else is not going to stop that, not when it seems they can get away with it consistently.

I am sure that some idiot somewhere thinks the behavior modification thing is a great idea and much more humane. Its stupid and painful and I would have preferred a quicker death.
It seems there is some unwritten rule that is agreed upon that we cannot be killed outright.
I dont understand it, I really dont. It would be so much simpler for all involved but perhaps a trail of too many bodies would eventually lead to evidence..who knows?

I would have like to write my own book but I am targeted, harassed and watched so consistently just staying alive minute to minute is difficult. Its a lonely, awful life when you've been blacklisted.

My suicide programming experience:

There were layers. Three distinct command sequences, over time. I had to go through each one and fight like a bastard to not just go along mindlessly. This was back in 2003-2004 or 5. That whole period was terrible and ended my life in so many ways. Its all part of the plan anyway, and if you are continuously 'gang stalked'/ targeted then you are never able to really move on.

The first sequence I had to deal with was a memory I had been running over and over again in my mind since childhood...ever since I can remember. It seems other mc survivors experience this as well. I try not to read too much about other experiences, so I do not get influenced by thier stories. I was planning to read thier stories when I got mine down and got involved with a therapist but I am being blocked so badly, daily I am boxed in, stuck and basically not going to make it so this blog...at least it'll be down somewhere.

This memory resembles a movie like experience with a song attached. Music and images are veerrryy important to programming a child. The reason its so effective I believe is becuz at such a young age one has no points of reference for reality yet. Plus, they choose artistic, imaginative, intelligent children so thinking in the abstract is natural to the victim. This would explain why its inter generational, also I suspect there was at the time selective breeding involved, but I cannot be sure. I know that my maternal grandmother provides the quality of being highly verbal, good for courier work I assume.

It had been a constant PTSDing memory, if you will, but it was always rather small screen in look in my minds eye as I recall. But as 2003 came, something triggered this sequence...it became activated. My maternal grandfather died. That seemed to trigger something in my biological female parent..she changed, there was something darker about her. As if his death triggered something in her.
I recall a certain family member took me to a museum one day. I had been in my new place a year, the ex was stringing me along, I was vulnerable. This family member has had life long powerful influence on me. She acted like a total perp that day, making typical jealous, mind game playing comments towards me.
After she dropped me off I heard the song attached to this programming sequence really clearly and the 'movie' ran in my minds eye...it seemed much more in the forefront of my consciousness
than ever before. It was like I was sitting closer to the front row in a movie theatre now.
When this relative dropped me off, there was something sinister about her. Something was going to go down and I was warned by the guide that keeps me alive to watch out now.

Over the next year or so this sequence became more and more in my face really. Finally it became like I was in the very front row of the theatre and at a certain point, you begin to live the movie-kind of like you do in a real movie theatre.

Here goes: The song that was the trigger as well as the sequence of command was a song from when I was about 2 or 3 years old called Delta Dawn. I have done my research and it seems it was the Helen Reddy version specifically. However, in my programming it only repeats the chorus over and over again, and strangely in my programs version, the song says "castle in the sky" instead of "mansion in the sky". Here are the original lyrics:


Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by
And did I hear you say he was a-meetin' you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky-eye

She's forty-one and her daddy still calls 'er "baby"
All the folks 'round Brownsville say she's crazy'
Cause she walks downtown with her suitcase in her hand
Lookin' for a mysterious dark-haired man
In her younger days they called her Delta Dawn
Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on
Then a man of low degree stood by her side
Promised her he'd take her for his bride

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by
And did I hear you say he was a-meetin' you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky-eye

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by
And did I hear you say he was a-meetin' you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky-eye

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by
And did I hear you say he was a-meetin' you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky-eye

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by
And did I hear you say he was a-meetin' you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky-eye---------------


My programming version:

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by
And did I hear you say he was a-meetin' you here today
To take you to his castle in the sky
(repeat...ad nauseum)

With this song comes a movie. It is so vivid and clear it is amazing.
There was (I say was becuz this 'file' is cached now..its not active. I can replay it with out having to relive it-it has no power over me. ) a woman....let me start by describing just where I believe the images came from. Its going to be embarassing and the perps are going to make fun of me even more, plus those idiot wonders in our society who, becuz they are uninitiated (ignorant) like to call everything crazy or just cant think outside thier reality the way its defined-

go read something else, this is for other survivors.

Anyway, after getting out of this sequence I decided to try to figure where the images came from. It seems the characters as well as the backround were taken from a torturously boring show when I was little called The Lawrence Welk Show. It was the kind of thing seriously straight people in the 60's and 70's would run to to hide from the counter culture-good clean American entertainment. Yet, its heavily connected to a certain chilren's entertainment empire that has been associated with mind control for years. (I was exposed to alot of that too but only choice stuff. )
If you watch this show from this era for a while you will begin to see alot of hypnotizing tactics but that was also the style of the psychadelic era they were trying to slightly incorporate onto the show. Strangely, this show has made a comeback on PBS in the last years. I saw it in St. Louis months ago. It freaked me out a little. I couldn't watch it for long. I always noticed the women on the show were exceedingly pretty and......if yer a mc survivor watch a few episodes and see what you think.

Delta Dawn, in my programming movie was a beautiful blonde woman who is on a stage in a frilly country type dress.
The stage is taken from the Lawrence Welk Show.
She is wearing a white rose pinned to her.
I see her singing the song at certain times in the movie's running.
The feelings that go along with this sequence were that she is very very sad. deadly sadness. She is zombie-like, robotic. She is more dead than alive. She never was alive.
To the right floating above the stage is a man with slightly long, straight dark hair and a beard and moustache of a stocky-like build. He is in the 'castle in the sky'-there is a pink cloud around this place he resides(remember death has to be attractive to the victim). All Delta Dawn has to do is take one or two steps up and take his hand and she is in the castle in the sky with him.
She becomes alive, living now. She never was alive on earth.
For years, ever since I was a little girl, this man in this sequence had the assignment of being my 'Husband' and no other man anywhere could compete.

As I write this I have been nauseated, and feel like I am going to die right here at this computer. My whole body is suffering. Its like an all out assault on my nerves..I am getting a headache.
How is this my fault- for telling? The gangstalking and targeting are forcing me to do this. I am compelled. Dont f*cking blame me a-holes. Yer the stupid f*cks who want to program people without them knowing the deal. How stupid is this? MIND CONTROL PROJETS MUST STOP.
Now I have to feel guilty that I 'told' on my own kind-i dont even know who or what the f*ck that is? I dont understand who the players are or what is going on.
I know one thing...suicide programming is a form of protection. If you choose to go for freedom and truth you will suffer and no one will be there to help you or protect you after you tell.
It feels like the activities around me and connected to this concern some party(s) trying to find out what I am made of our what my programming is about. They will torture you and fuck with you until you spill everything. Why? why is this soooo important? Surely the info in my files is so old it isnt importatn, also its been 'wiped' (another fun story-fucking horrible).
I wish I had never fought. I should have peacefully accepted the easy way out and died pure and untouched by corruption and the horrid reality of this world.
Why would certain factions be so interested it seems mostly in my programming set up?

It seems like certain factions are interested in the info put there by other factions but it seems like its all this country. Dont they all share info? I just dont understand any of this.
I am tired of having to keep working. I am tired and thought I was going to have a life for myself if I fought and tried to stay alive and be healthy. It doesnt pay, does it? Now I know why ceratin individuals tried to get me labled..they thought it would keep me safe.
Well, you have no idea who yer dealing with. These f*ckers are nasty. Absolutley. You will have no life of yer own and they will ruin everything for you. How could people around me actually trust this system? Do you honestly believe these sadistic f*cks would leave a victim alone, ever?

My family have come up with some really irresponsible even dangerous, damaging and unhealthy suggestions for me over the years but this takes the cake. I have heard other targets say that if you take on a label and even take meds, they still keep up the harassment.
And why would I take an unsure bet to be 'safe' anyway? After years of sufffering and being denied my birthright as an artist, a beauty and a brainiac I want Revenge.....I will take a bet on that. Its all that matters. Truth is all. Besides, the way I am targeted you can also bet on me death real fuckin soon. Like I was supposed to live this long anyway.

WAIT....its like water boarding isnt it? they want confessions and info..make the person feel like they are going to die anyway and they will talk. SEE MY NEXT ENRTY FOR INFO ON A WATER BOARDING TYPE TACTIC THEY DID TO ME VIA TECH AND A HELICOPTER.

amend:(Sorry for rant but i went thru something as i went thru the sequence.)

The rose on Delta dawn becomes alive and new once she is up in the castle.

Simultaneously I, the subject am delta dawn, as well as the woman who was 'borrowed' from the tv show I jsut mentioned to act out her part. its supposed to be 'me' and i was to mindlessly obey this command.
The song is very sad and suggesting.

One must understand the lifelong targeting a mc victim is subjected to. Its like being gangstalked but its not really overt. Its like being 'handled' by stangers alot. People are mean and rude to you, you are consistently mistreated and picked on and yer family of origin and especially yer foster home family make sure you are isolated from other children or only allowed to have very controlled visits or activities. Medical people were often mean to me or downright negligent. There is often the uneccisary administration of pain by medical staff (torture) and its obviuos becuz if you react or ask what is going on they will tell you that you are scaring th other children-as an adult they will do the EXACT SAME TACTIC and then if you react to the pain uncontrollably they will say 'we have other patients here' in a nasty way. Once you know what is happening, you can tell the satanic type looking perp a-holes who do this shit to a victim. \

The whole purpose of this life long restraint is to 1) keep the slave down 2) to keep pain levels up to continue compartmentalization thru trauma and being able to 'take' pain at all times 3) most sinister is that it keeps a nice big compartmentalized area of nasty pain in the victim's emotional center. This pain is energy and lets describe the compartment its in as a gas tank. Its time to go thru suicide programming: The victim will commit suicide mindlessly on command becuz the pain in the 'gas tank' will 'fuel' the act of commiting suicide. And as you can see suicide is marketed to the suffering victim as a pleasurable vacation compared to life on earth, which the people in the handling network make sure is painful on a daily basis for the waking personality, much less the memories that are compartmentalized.
You are miserable, earthly life sucks, come home come join 'God', your husband in the castle in the sky. You are not alive on earth anyway, come alive after you die.

its all such a horrible bunch of bullshit goods they sell you isnt it? Yet, the perps do make sure your earthly life is miserable no matter what you do anyway.

Years of pain and suffering make up the pain in the emotional center that somehow the victim has no direct access to but its felt. you are tricked into ending your own pain and suffering in the most pleasurable innocent manner. Its akin to a tv ad for a product you really believe in....it has been promised to help you. Actually there are no thoughts connected to free will involved.
Its simply time to go.
This seqence of commands was a 30+ years old post hypnotic suggestion. The human mund is amazing.

Actually it is sort of soothing like being injected with a drug. I often try to replay it when I am being targeted hard or harassed becuz i figure maybe I can go back and end it all in a manner that is more pleasant than the manner that is being asked of me now. Fully awake and aware of being denied any kind of life suicide is undesirable but often it seems there is no other way to get away from being targeted. I refuse to live this way thats for sure.

The reason I could fight this sequence is becuz I had done research on mind control over the years and had been alerted to suicide programming. Also this command is old and the world has changed. TV has changed, computers have been introduced. A tactic this innocent is not going to work nowadays. Also, a man of this plane had shown me real love and affection and he was a hell of alot better than a stranger who has run my life from the shadows of my mind for 30 years. Perhaps there are other factors I am not aware of that helped me.

Maybe this is why its important to keep me away from the arts, alot of my programming might be broken if I became a master of my own mind and not the programmers via programming, which uses alot of sound music and movie-type sequences.

OK....i beat that.

I am going to make the second layer another post this is too much for anyone to read.

I am afraid to post this. It doesnt matter, the general attitude is to jsut ignore me. I am totally blacklisted and have no life.
Basically i am providing free info to everyone who wants it and its becuz i am being held against my will by the gangstalking system. This mus tbe why that AZ perp told me I was only allowed to grow very conditionally- like a veal i guess. Hasnt that been the only way i have been allowed to live my life anywya?
I have seen other victims of my status and they do not fare well. People use them all thier lives and after they wake up people simply use them for info and then they are still lewft out in the cold.
Nobody cares. And the perps dont stop harassing you.

Today I got off the 62 bus at Alewife. Just waiting there was a guy in a T jacket like he was an employee. I had sunglasses on but still he looked right at me, mocked me with a raising of eybrows and a come on look-u know the 'we know all yer secrets' crap' i did not react but i was quick enough to make sure I immediatley went back and the next look on his face was a look of pure perp satisfaction while looking into the eyes of the MBTA employee who was actually driving the 62 bus. The perp did not know I saw him.

What was interesting about this, I re-enacted it with me as him to get inside his pea brain, is that it seems to indicate once again satisfaction only being derived from 'the group' and connection to 'the group'. He perped me but he had to get approval and acknowledgment from an- Other.

These people take great satisfaction in the power they percieve they derive from harassing or 'faking out'(yer gonna fake ME out? give it up ) a Target . Especailly a Targeted female it seems.
Yet they are only allowed to operate with permission from a corrupt sytem of enslavement which utilizes thier services/actions for its own benefit.
Thier power is pure illusion becuz they are not really hiding, nor are they well hidden. They carry the illusion that they are hidden. Thier power is derived soley from the ongoing illusion that they are hidden and protected from harm.

Take away this simple condition and they are completly helpless as well as powerless and vulnerable.

Its all about Privacy. They percieve they have it, the Target does not.














.

Apology from yesterdays post

I am in a hurry so I be brief. I have not enough proof to say Priceline is corrupted. I usually can tell when something is indeed 'gangstalking' related becuz it's so outrageous its obvious most of the time. I believe they simply changed the pricing on some of the places I frequented. I was targeted, I wish I imagined that part but I didnt.
I mean you never know when things are subtle in thier nature to influence a target's activities but in this case I am uncomfortable with the lack of real clues I usually have when experiencing inconsistencies.
Priceline is a good resource if you are struggling. They are the cheapest.

I am not kissing butt here I just want to fair and what I stated last night was not fair at all.

I am tired and frustrated and forgot how zoo-like the urban shelter population is here, and how snooty and provincial the shelter population is outside Boston. I forgot how awful housing is here and how they have gotten rid of all the rooming houses. I dont DARE get a room in someone's apartment or house..Hello, Perps! Ding-dong, the Taaaget is heya!

Programming 101

Programmed people are not 'crazy' though its popular to have try and get rid of us that way.

It seems that the programmed person is on the chart centrally located between the overlapping diagnoses of schizophrenia, manic depressive, and psychotic.

Thats just a few of the things they try to cover up what is really going on with these poor victims of mind control. Dont believe the human brain is capable of such things? Go read another blog.

Anyway, its trauma based and thier is MPD /DID involved. I know the new psychiatry has gotten rid of MPD and just calls it DID but I have read up on the new world of psychiatry and its frighteningly based on heredity and they seem obssesed with DNA.

I do not consider psychiatry valid, not becuz I am crazy and am trying to wriggle out of anything but becuz I was so mistreated in an outrageous manner in part by this profession and also my own family that it strikes me as illogical that I am simply disordered in some way or that the problem is all with me. The very cruel way I was treated with out care or consideration nor valid investigation into my situation tells me...somethin's up.
When people are trying to hide something they do desperate things and thier energy and actions make that desperation evident.

Well, MPD isnt really a disorder if you have caused it on purpose then is it? This seems to be what most survivors use to describe altered states where they did things but do not remember the events. Unless someone were to point out to you or show u evidence of yourself in an altered state, you the person 'switching' would not remember it thus may not know you have 'MPD'.

DID is what I will use to describe the ability to disassociate. An alter ego is a good example of this. Performers in entertainment often feel that its another personality who is on stage or performs. Sadly, the real self is often undeveloped. I used to use this to work even though I was fully aware of what had transpired...I could actually say the alter ego, with a different name spelling, took part in those actions. Sometimes memories from this state may be from outside the body, 'out of body' experience sort of. Some survivors recall 'out of body' at a very eary age.

If you are heavily gangstalked and terrorized you may find yourself dissociating out of body momentarily if its especially frightneing. Try to stay focused and move to a new location..perhaps keep moving. You may find some locations more uh, Satanic in nature and actions lets say then others.
Why do some policemen stalk targets in thier cars and thier energy is something evil and inhuman and other officers look like they feel guilty as hell and dont want to be doing this to you? I have simply given up trying to figure out who these players are exactly. Just make it simple and give into the old fashoined, albeit childish idea that there is good and evil in the world and thats it. It will quiet your anxieties for now becuz if you have a curious mind, unless you can drag the guy out of his car, strap him to a couch and demand he take tests to prove he is human then proceed to be forced to tell you why he hates women so much and what did his mother/ ex wife / first girl friend/ sister etc do to him exactly to make him A) want to do this to people B) have such compellingly evil energy with which to do this to people especially females (whew) you are not going to ever ever find out who these people are and why they do what they do.

After dealing with 2 ex boyfriend s who were stalkers , one harmless one not so harmless, i can tell u one thing about these people..they are fucked up, enjoy a sick sense of power, need a target to obsess over to feel secure and like to hide or get off on the fact you will never catch them or know who they are. Take heart..in the future thier services will no longer be needed and they will be hunted and wiped out as something society can no longer afford-but for now unfortunatly, they rule targets lives with thier innate sickness which they force us to deal with against our wishes.

Some programmed persons have a propensity towards fantasy addiction. Often thier is other addictive behavior as well. Programmed persons are long suffering people who come up with lots of coping skills to deal with trauma past and present. Interestingly, when I was making my life plan (when i was so rudely interrupted) I was actually planning for future traumas as well.
Example: I knew I was going to lose my looks becuz we all age. Since I had made a conscious decision to live by fighting suicide programming, I had a healthy urge to plan for my future.
I figured if I transfered all my focus on becoming powerful getting good at doing something that had nothing to do with looks, then I would have an easy transition of power....my newfound power in society would be about what I did not how I looked so I need not be concerned any more with how I looked. Let my face fall, who cares? I d seen too many older women trying to focus on the past and becoming bitter and I did not want that. I knew what was coming and I prepared for that expereince. Of course the system of oppression I am under does not want the beauty of true order nor for me to be happy, so I am aged and haggard looking with no new place to focus my power..in fact my power is gone. A trauma I was not preparered for.

I know someone who is helpful to me but at times unkind. This person has focused on the image of the narcicist getting stuck in the mirror. Do not let people punish you for odd habits they misconstru becuz of programming. Non programmed people are like a different species of person and have no right to judge us by thier standards and if you are targeted u will not get the help you need from psychologists who are perfectly well in the know about what you are and what you need as far as guidance. The jerks who are targeting you will use public ignorance to the max benefit. IGNORE THIS COMPLETELY FOR IT IS INVALID.
It is a ghosting..in other words it really has no place in any equation or deduction of what is going on internally. It is a factor for what is going on outside not your internal world. People will hurt you as a way of getting into your internal world(s) to destroy programming and especailly memories/files is what they are out to destroy.

One such strange habit is that programmed people get stuck in mirrors or like mirrors all over thier homes. Thier is nothing wrong with this and its nothing to be ashamed of. Was Narcissus programmed? Is anyone using that term even smart enough to have read the fable it comes from? or even be smart enough to know most ancient myths were used allegorically to train men to think out in the world as they grew? Is narcissism just another psych theory? Yes.
Survivors often like mirrors becuz then they know what they look like, or feel they exist in the physical realm. Perhaps they keep trying to break programming by looking at themselves or as an aid during breaking programming. When the face you have been looking at for years robotically has life in it or the promise of a life, one can become very curious.
Especially if you have fought suicide programming which basically told you 'its time to go' simply becuz you had a few imperfections on your face and you no longer looked like you were in your 20's....even if you look in your 20's in your 30' s its not good enough for the original programmers. You are supposed to be perfect all the time. You have to win and kick ass all the time in stellettos. If you even consider cultivating your real self, they will come after you.

Their is nothing wrong with falling in love with yourself after years of self hatred and self abuse. Enjoy it and try to cultivate self love of all other parts of you. you will need this self affection if they come after you when you are waking up. Alot of women with sexual programming are very pretty but have that ugly on the inside thing going on becuz of the way you have been programmed to treat themselves.
The greatest trick men ever pulled off to control women is to have them hate themselves internally...stupid. Dont be stupid anymore and take back your personality and your face and your life..they are YOURS arent they? Own them.

Also, alot of internal programming has mirrors in it. Perhaps mirrors create a sense of safety or security for the survivor becuz of how frighteningly alone we are.
At any rate you are most likely not simply vain, its most likely you are trying to find out who you are and on some levels what you are and you are curious.
Sometimes , when programmed people are younger looking in mirrors can be frightening. Thier has been so much deception and to be honest you ARE deception even to yourself so looking in a mirror might simply provide confusion. I used to think it seemed like being in a fish tank..I knew there was more outside this but I was stuck inside only allowed to see so far out...
It sucked. It sucked and it was a waste of a life, being held like a f*cking captive.

As long as you hang on and try to wake up you can do no wrong. The perps will try to convince you everything you do is wrong and everything you have done is worse. Do not listen to them.

Unfortunatly i have to go to my stupid hotel room i do not wish to go to and have been trying to avoid for the last few hours anyway. I'll finish this later.

targets; all sorts

I must amend my earlier blog entry from this morning (or close to morning).

I realize full well that a number of Targets are wealthy and I do not wish to minimize thier plight in any way. Losing everything is a horrible thing whether one has hardly any material posessions or has alot.
There are cases I have heard where the person is/was a heir who the rest of the family wants out of the way. There is the obvious case of targeting of the gentleman in Bloomfield's movie 'Tracking Down Maggie'. It seems he's educated and savvy enough to not call it 'gangstalking' , he simply states that these operations are meant to make the complaintant look crazy..thats not verbatum but thats the gist. (isnt it wonderful how my ability to spell has gone out the window with the rest of my mind/talents/ memories?) The man lost his business and has all the 'symptoms' that the rest of us have.

Its just that in my case I highly suspect that alot of brats in the know are in on me being targeted and its been marketed as "lets pick on this poor person"..I know thats how they have marketed it becuz a perp who drove for Harrison Taxi in Waltham
(waltham has been one of the most brutal offenders in the campaign against me and i will never ever forgive them, and it will not be forgotten. They probly think becuz its my families hometown they can do as they please..either that or my family has given them carte blanch to do as they please..for all i know they may have been strong arming my family for years, i dont know what my families relationship is like with this community. I do know that my great grandfather busted his ass building that house my grandmother was born in and will probably die in, in his spare time. Mistreatment by anyone in Waltham is an insult to everything my family worked for and is a slap in the face to the concept of the American dream.
Unless all along its been some vendetta against my family I dont know about..if you know write my eamil, let me know, i want dirt on my family..they've always lied to me or kept me in the dark about everything. )
The cab driver knew things he shouldnt have about my life at the time(of course) and then said "oh, well. it doesnt pay to be poor"..so its been marketed as i deserve this somehow becuz i was poor. These jerks will go after any vulnerability they can to make sure you fall and do not get up again. It pays to be money/asset 'poor' if you are trying to become a better person inside and sometimes one has to give up ones old lifestyle in order to do that. Its better to take your time and find out what you really want to do for a living especially if u r in transition, than to take on some job that brings wealth and remain an insidious, outrageous assh*le all your life...
just to keep the money flowing. Sometimes your soul or emotional well being is more important.

I think that was a pretty lofty reason to be 'poor'...trying to find the right way.

I also think its great that in the time we live in, being 'poor' can actually be used as a legit excuse to target someone basically to death when really u r covering up for other crimes..

and the public will believe it.

Anyway, its never a matter of financial status with being a Targeted person...anyone can be targeted. For knowing too much, having sensitive info, whistleblowing..we all know the run down from the websites and hearing other alleged targets speak about thier situations in the forums and through thier blogs.
Personally, I think that humans just do not care about other humans who fall by the wayside. I really dont. All day I see or sense people feel bad about my situation but feel its beyond thier reality...dont feel bad.
Either do something about it or stick with your decision to take part in all targeting of human beings by saying nothing.
This country tortures itself constantly by taking part in war then regretting it daily. The ancient Roman in me cannot stand this sappy crying b*llshit. You have made a decision to take part in a war against another country or group of human beings.
Their will be casualties and alot will be civilians. Children and women will be raped and sacrificed by soldiers who are either programmed or pushed too far to care about anything.
Torture will be implemented to gain confessions and cooperation from enemies.
Blood will be shed.
Your loved ones will die or be injured. They may return uhappy about thier original decision to go, or they may be proud to serve and return satisfied with thier choice of sacrifice to thier country.
This is what goes on in a f*cking war...stop torturing yourselves and either stick by your decision to get behind any war your country engages in or protest it you see fit.

One day maybe you might consider no wars as a way of life for all humans--that might be the best guilt reducer yet.

Stop hanging yer heads when u see me or indicating u feel bad.
I am of victim status but I do not view myself as victim. This would give the enemy more elbow room for stockholm syndrome which is being pushed pretty hard lately.

I continue to work, I travel...I ignore the publics completely distasteful partaking in my misery daily by ignoring the perps and peoples stupid knowing smiles as much as possible.

You feeling bad for me is just more sick self indulgence on your part....yeh, you look like you feel bad but deep down its a "better her than me " sentiment.

So all targets, wealthy and poor suffer greatly.
It is the death of one's future and one's dreams...even one's personality, mind and emotions...
it seems people enjoy watching destroyed the very things money cannot buy or perhaps this is the assh*les ultimate thrill becuz now they can seemingly use money to 'buy' what the target has, in a way, by using funds to destroy it.

I notice alot of us are targeted by people in unions alot..thier involvment is nationwide.. its much creepier than mere wealthy peoples involvment. Its really the most unhealthy population taking part in destroying a targets life becuz it adds to thier delusional belief that the world would stop spinning and we would all starve to death if the union members stopped performing thier jobs. They seem to get a very anchoring experience out of being part of the destruction of a targets life, especially if that target be a female. Thier overblown sense of manhood based on being necessary to the gagnstalking process is astounding.
these are the kinds of people that will say to you that art is really a luxury item and truly believe thier world is more valid.
It seems wealthy white males pick on these men regularly on the job and off so I can see where they would want to pick on a destitute struggling white female to 'even up the score' and make themsellves feel better. .... (?). Uuuhh, yah.

Truckers, UPS drivers, busdrivers, city workers, firemen..thier is no end to the union members who were a large part of destroying MY life as well as other targets complain of this regularly as well.
I have tried to figure out the way these people think and I still need some sort of psychological profile to get more info. I know its the strong group/strong grid enviroment they are in..this in itself may serve as such a sense of tribe that they simply act out of that group mentality.

I have also read that the Masons have had a real problem with membership being simply persons who are out fro themselves and not really what the Brotherhood was supposed to be about. I know alot of the people who set me up were members..from arrogant limo drivers to certain private detectives it seems the Masons nowadays will take all..ahem, sorts.
I assume these people abusing the network are only allowed outer access and status.

Its fun to watch me fumble in the dark, isnt it ? while everyone can have superior knowledge about my life and its destruction? How I am not allowed to really ever know what s going on so I am basically still living like a mind control victim again... its fun to take part isnt it? to laugh at me becuz I am the victim? to feel good becuz you are 'in on it'? To feel powerful becuz you feel you are controlling someones life, maybe even for the better?

What you are doing is destructive. There has been nothing good about what has happened to me. I will not learn any lessons you wish me to learn, perhaps concerning ultimate power or the prowess of males (once they organize covertly and act more sneaky than females) nor respect for authority. The respect I had for authority was not based soley on fear which you, as a society cannot seem to tolerate.
If you are trying to be helpful in my deprogramming by teaching me a healthy sense of fear or respect then you have failed. The completion of deprogramming needs to be done with a therapist and a hypnotist and slowly with caring and trust..not this hatchet job resembling a quick fix via psycho surgery and electro shock treatment. The same old story..keep someone quiet by committing them. Is this story line just a little too cliche for anyone else? I was bored pages ago.
And we all know how it turns out. Either I give in and accept defeat and surrender on your terms probly and admission I was wrong , I needed fixing, I imagined all this and I am crazy and then getting a nice mindless desk job and taking in a husband to protect me. ( nausea is coming on).

OR Suicide..how convenient.

OR...hopefully all these crimes against targets and humanity will be exposed and even if it takes 20 or 30 years people will admit to using non lethal weapons, drugs, poisons and psychological warfare on other human beings for.
In thier own country.
Without a declaration of war. (did I miss something in the mail?).

Lexington, here i come

All of a sudden this hotel i never used to get before is now always the one i receive. Oh well, i guess its a place to sleep.
I could visit some stuff while I am there..like the police station just across the street..or the fire station at 45 Bedford street down the road.
Perhaps I could give these folks a visit ....
www.globalsecurity.org/military/agency/army/211mp.htm


Seems they are not to far away at :

US Army National Guard

459 Bedford St
Lexington, MA 02420......

Perhaps I will be too tired to visit anything.
Perhaps I will jsut try to rest.
What I DO expect to get is:
A good night sleep, rest relaxation and the full enjoyment of the property..something I had in my last contract for my last apartment yet somehow they did not have to honor it and i left the apartment never quite trusting the system enougfh again to get another one....by the way I am not choosing to write this in the poetry type manner that it is written in...I would like my blog to be written as it is up top, lines that go right to the right side of the page..but strangely after I just listed who my neighbors were going to be, I am stuck with this half page style.

All I know is am paying for a room and I expect tro get some sleep..no noise campaigns, no b*llshit.
Go 'gangstalk' someone else tonight and take your overblown sense of self importance with you.

I will never ever understand what the value has been of trying to destroy a womans life who was simplly trying to grow up , become a councillor and an artist. It still doesnt and never will make any sense.
Maybe it will. If these fucks are paranoid and over tech'd enough-see next blog entry.

daddy's castle

In Radio Shack near B.U. this morning. Had to get some things. Of course the tall skinny Nordic/WASPy kid who I guess manages the place had to attend, as if the African American gentleman couldnt handle me. Have I ever been a thief or robbed anyone? I would loove to know more about my own smear campaign..i have been made out to be a monster.

Moreso its what my friends say when they make fun of these idiots involved. They tell me that I am 'from the street ' so I am suspect to begin with. And they have made hysterical commemtary about how these kids hate me becuz just the way I am threatens 'daddy's castle'...then these rich kids get old enough and they realize "its their castle to protect."

Actually, from what I know its these kids parents who are the big time real criminals in this country--who do they think they are fooling? How much longer do you think you can use people like me as diversion?


Was in Lexington, MA last nite. Hotel aquired cheaply. Got hit hard, tired today. Some weird dream activity, but mostly more behavior modification. High anxiety, visions of me in cubicle job while being told repeatedly to 'keep your head down'...i saw myself more and more subjegated. There was a high pitched sound with buzzing involved and a sound like a truck or engine running outside. After the engine sound left, so did the anxiety that was torurous and the horrid visions of me as a shamed ex adultress now office worker. This has been a very big theme letely..to get me to forget all that was done to me and give up and get a 'normal' job and of course conform. To become a mindless drone I assume. There is a definite use of shaming-intensely. I am heavily sexually targeted at night mostly. Last evening it was so bad suicide ideation returned heavily. I actually was so mind and personality wiped that I told a cab driver I was being gangstalked and its my policy to never talk about this with non targets. It would seem all my resistance is being broken down.
It must be a bummer for them that some of us actually can tell we are being targeted. How many idiots out there just go to the medical industrial complex and whine they need pills?
A nurse who knew actually aked me if I wanted anti depressants-so did my shrink(she almsot jumped out of her chair trying to get me to cmply)...uuhh, I have seen people who I believe are most likel;y targeted perhaps deprogramming people I do not knopw for sure, but too many people out there end up killing someon then themselves becuz of taking anti depressants...
ARROGANCE 101: YOU ARE HELPING THE A-HOLES TO TARGET ME BY NOT BEING HONEST WITH ME ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME AND TELLING ME WHAT YOU KNOW AND YOU WANT ME TO TAKE PSYCH MEDS FOR DEPRESSION BECUZ I AM BEING TARGETED AND GANGSTALKED....uhh, does this strike any one else as stupid? Why in the F*CK should I take drugs just becuz I am being victimized..wouldnt it make more sense to stop the victimization?
Promising, isnt it?? (or should I say PROMIS-ing..wink wink nudge nudge say-no-more!)
As I waited for a cab in Arlington center a cop sure enough rolled past me in opposite direction and then of course parks right at the cab stand and asks me if I need any help....its a CAB STAND! There is a sign that say s"No standing taxi stand"...why in the f*ck do you think I am here? These tactics are the same as before I left this region and outside of Boston they have not picked up speed. Perhaps this is thier regional style or at least the style outside metro Boston. Of course there was other activity on the same corner but its all bullshit-decoys, counterpoint- all of it.
If you think this sounds paranoid, you havent been gangstalked/psy opt for 12 years.

You have to remember the people doing this are exactly like possessive abusive partners, for any of you who know what thats like.
They want to keep tabs on you 24/7, control what you do, influence your decisions, break your will, they seem to lay off when you are really ill, like if you have a bad case of flu or something...remind you of anyone you know? Yes, every abuser you have ever known. This is why my grandmother and even my mother are so into health but not studying it andwanting to improve it. They seem to focus on illness, my mother told me once its becuz it made other family members lay off the abusivness. I , myself, have experienced this to be true among my bio-family. When you are sick you get a reprieve, a vacation from controlling tactics and abuse. It seems the 'gangstalking' system functions like I said , resembling a possesive abusers behavior. Actually there are some abusers who will abuse even or especially when you are sick.

The people doing this have a sick sense of possession over me. I can tell their mind set is that this behavior modification is some act of love on thier part...that I will be happier as a subservient female and a non artist/ non thinking person.
Perhaps I simply know too much already and they consider this to be a 'humane' alternative to death.
They are mistaken. NON LETHAL WEAPONDRY IS LETHAL OVER THE LONG TERM AND THIS INCLUDES ANY PSY OPS TO "WIN THJE HEARTS AND MINDS OF THE ENEMY"

I PROTEST THESE ACTIONS AGAINT ME AND STATE THAT CITIZENS SHOULD NOT BE SUBJETED TO BEHAIOR MODIFICSATION AS A WAY OF COVERING CRIMES AGAINST THOSE CITIZENS.

I would have prefered death a long time ago compared to the complete destruction of who I thought I was as a person and the kinowledge in my DNA given to me by my ancestors which is my birth right.
No one has the right ot interfere with who I was, who I was going to be and what I wanted out of life. I have been given options for a future that are so limited that DEATH IS PREFERABLE.

A perp in AZ long ago came up to me on the railroad tracks and basically told me outright that I was only allowed to grow very conditionally. I guess this is what he meant.
\I have tried to write and tell me story multiple times and always I am silenced and my efforts interfered with.

Hopefully , psy ops and censorship will not make it into the coming era. I read an article of this opinion from India yesterday-have no time now to link look it up if you want to.

Often blogging in a hurry--wish this could be set up more impessively thus more persuasive as I'd like. seems they always get thier way, dont they?

Beware of Stolckholm syndrome...its what gets many a target to turn to thier side..thus thier "winning hearts etc" bullshit line..this is old fashioned INTIMIDATION plain and simple.
These assholes are ruining lives and people
s minds by what they are doing to human beings.

But what is a few sacrifices to retain your way of life?

You have no idea what you are doing.

How long do you think this human sacrifice type system can continue to feed yo need?

Not enough information on expendable mc slaves

I have read mostly all the material alleged about mind control projects and programming, been reading up on it since mid 90's...which is why I am still walking around after I was slammed with 24/7 targeting. I suspected why I was targeted all along. Perhaps my reading up on the subject is what get me targeted so heavily..who knows.

I have read about higher level programmed persons with a life long purpose and expendables who are allegedly killed when they are just infants but what of expendables who are programmed to commit suicide at a certain age? There is hardly any advice or information out there concerning this population of survivors. It seems from experience that this population of alleged survivors needs the most support due to the fact that if you do not expire as planned and you wake up you will be harassed constantly until you have no life and want to commit suicide anyway.

Why isn't there at least advice about how to stay alive? Especially if u have limited resources and they are really trying to silence you..

you would not believe the complete lacck of sympathy survivors get. People from the beginning of your ordeal say things like its not hurting you or you can take it just to minimize what is happening. Most people involved in this seem so ameture...they seem to not reallly understatnd programmed people tot he point where they believe we forget everything that happens to us that is truamatic, that we dont feel as others do or that we are some sort of pool of healing energy that can take all this abuse ..some are so in teh dark that they believe us stupid...(hmph-hysterical, isnt it?).

Now I know why you should obey suicide programming..becuz its meant to protect you. If you do not, these horrid non feeling idiots will get their hands on you and torture you mercelessly until you decide them and thier world is just too ridiculous to deal with anymore. You end up being so miserable and without a hope in the world anyway, you commit suicide anyway, so why not die innocent and 'whole' and protected at least.

In the beginning you believe you are doing something courageous and good as you fight suicide programming but eventually you realize you have been so marginalized from society and lots of people seem to know but everyone just goes along with the harassment and handling of you, that life really isnt worth living anyway.
You will never be seen as heroic you will never be left alone you will never get to express yourself artistically and years of 'gangstalking'(psy ops, whatever u describe it as) will ruin whatever talents u had anyway becuz creativity takes feeling safe or some level of trust.

Whats most sad is most people seem to be very into helping to destroy a mind control survivor.
You would not believe the cruelty involved in this process. Most cruel is the daily denial of what is happening. You start to see humans for what they really are..that so many people are deceptive and that beauty and goodness are all illusions..there is some but most people are cowards. Humans are vile, ugly disgusting creatures who are totally full of shit most of the time.

I mean,I knew this already but to have such people have constant superior knowledge of my life and situation, for me to have the power or control over my own life so severely limited and for the major nobodies of the world to have power over my life ..its just too much.
The people who will help harass and handle u daily are people who are not even half as smart as you nor talented. They are not as attractive nor graceful or strong.
Its like being handed over to the worlds worst and most unbefitting foster family ever and asking "when can i go home and be among MY equals?" ..of course this helps make u suicidal becuz u r constantly bored and this causes more frustration.

Of course if you try to go to college they will stand in your way like they did to me. If you need help you will receive negligence, which is a popular passive end to the harassment. Professionals not doing there jobs is something I have experienced my whole life and it is the way a life long Target will be treated.
All your life you notice how you are treated with this attitude like your never going to be anything anyway...which never made any sense to me considering my talents abilities and test scores.

These people are so f*ckin sure of themselves and thier little enslavement system of oppression.

If anything happens to me, make sure you make thier lives very difficult, increasingly as things go down the drain with the coming turbulent times. If this is their idea of order then create ultimate disorder.

All I know is I am a human being and an American citizen and I have been treated horribly and no one is saying anything or advocating for me. Too many people are actually enjoying watching me slowly die off.
Lets make the new world very uncomfortable for them..by getting rid of all secrecy and sharing all the info we can..not so thier networks can have superior knowledge over US constantly but so we may be, and make others fully aware of them.

I want my life and its continued ruination to came to them at a cost. Too long the mind control ensvlavers have gotten of easily by providing pretty bodies and faces with highly intel minds and fiercely creative forces hidden beneath the surface and just tossed people away when its 'time'.

You would not believe the sh*t they will try to get rid of someone.

All in all the human race is quite disappointing and now I know exactly why one is programmed in fantasy-like sequences to off oneself mindlessly, or else 30 something year old post hypnotic suggestions..

Is it really that important that I die? or am denied any kind of life? That I be kept away from teh arts or even access to my own mind or the power my looks and youth could have brought? Why must everything always be THIERS? What the fuck is this..sharecropping? I simply rent what i do not own, work it like a slave and end up kicked off what i thought was mine anyway?

This whole thing is ridiculous. All I can say is I want to tell my story so other survivors with more resources can have a chance and then I am outta here and everyone who thinks they are sooooo much better than me can have thier stupid fuckin world.

I do not know aht has happened to me , all I know is ther are a bunch of peasants and rogues who seem to have more knowledge of my life than I do..and that is enough to cause any self respecting person to want to die.

Privacy has become the new luxury. Without privacy in general I wouldnt want to live here anyway. Its going to be a horrible future.

Perhaps just for me and other scapegoats everyone depends on to make them feel better about themselves.
In a changing world like now, compassion is out the window. People just cant afford it. Also the public is thoroughly managed..but dont tell them that, they are busy focusing on the next sick diversion to get away from that fact.

FREEDOM HAS NO VALUE FOR THEM. It means nothing. Total house slave mentality.



Oh, something else.
There was a radio show on recently and it was some welll behaved journalist interviewing someone from the CIA...I am not convinced that is who is behind my targeting or anyone elses, but if you were to gvetr someone on a terrorist list by bogus means its a great way to get rid of someone, especially by harassment or psy ops. Carte blanche for behavior modification as well.
All to make sure the old mc survivor doesnt have a chance to remember anything.

The interviwer said "have innocent people been targeted?" and CIAsshole says basically that innocents isnt even an existing word in these operation that only learning and gaining knkkowledge are what matters. Can you believe this? I do not even believe people are putting up with this shit...but I do, if i think 'made mindless and obedient by fear'..thats all it takes.

Then aaallllll excuses come down, like people are getting rid of someone who threatens thier way of life, patriotism, etc etc.. really you've got alot of people I know too much about (victim witness intimidation) as well AND dont forget the public's historically proven love of a witchhunt..especially if the victim is attractive under 50 female high intel , talented, strong. Its no wonder all my perps are fat women, old women, ugly women and men who are obviously threatened.

My mother especially is going to pay for this..
"i am very interested in the way your mind works" while most likely helping to get me targeted is one of the most stomach turning phrases kept in my minds filing system. Do you have any idea how horrid it is to finally come to the realization that your own mother would sell you out for anything offered her and that basically she has been doing that your whole life?
That she most likely sold you out to some kind of human experimentation in order ultimatley to keep you quiet? I know my mother..the ultimate sense of poer she must've gotten from this is more than she deserves..yet I always experienced her as frighteningly selfish. My needs never existed....on top of what I already know I have to accept that this woman was my handler for years.

I cant take all this. Especially becuz for us, there IS no promiseland or 'peice of the pie'...things arenever going to change for us. We, the expendable are never going to be seen as real and valid people.
I mean i cannot get over the complete lack of sympathy for my situation. I live pretty much like people did during the Stasi in Germany or even the Nazi's... you cant trust anyone and worse people seem to think this situation is funny...god help them I hope they are simply so ignorant or brainwashed they simply believ me to be crazy so to them I am either attention seeking or a harmless nut.
Mostly I believe people are mean to me becuz they can get away with it. In the very beginning the perps would do alotdirested conversation, basically letting me know I had no power.
Is everyone so insensitive that they can go along with modern day slavery?

Why is everyone so..so compliant? The least anyone can do is look like they feel bad at least. The attitude really is that this whole ordeal really hasnt done me any harm..its sick!

I am not the person i was and if this is behavior modification then its imperitive that i be constantly handled that way..like nothing is wrong with the abuse. They WANT you to change with wha tthey are doing to you and the best way to get you to accept it is to make you believe everyone else does to. That is whay its soooo important to handle the target with smiles and relaxed attitudeds towards abuse of the target.

Most people dont want to see me be an artist anyway or smart or pretty or..go forbid genuinly happy. They want another drone and everyone I know was probably convinced this program of behavior modification would be best anyway...uh, especially those people who helped screw me over and/or owe me for wrong doing.

I remember in 2005 while comiing back into Boston after a nationwide bus trip to escape Scott's grasp, a perp cop (msireading train info right off the wall and claiming he was correct, not I , even though anyone could plainly see he was incorrect--a perp , beleive me.) he screamed at me out of nowhere "NO MORE ALIBIS"and his body language was very animated when he said it. His pionted finger went down to the floor direction as he shouted (is his uncontrolled temper why he polices the MBTA commuter rail in Providence RI instead of a proper beat, or is it more perp favors for an easy gig? who knows how the cops work and who cares.)

This comment has mystified me and still does to this day. Was I the one in my crowd dealing drugs? No. Was I the true career criminal? No. Was I the pedophile who escaped justice even fromn his own family (thru mc tactics of course)..No. Was I the trust fund kid abusing the system? No.
Was I not simply trying to wake up, grow up and find out who and what I was? Was I not going to therapists and a pcychologist asking for help? Had I not improved my life over time always striving for better results?(..minus outside interference of course..). Was I not a lifelong victim but still refused to give up and climb onto the heap of bodies like they expect a victim to do?
Alibis for what? Isnt it my lifelong abusers and handlers who derserve to be called on their 'alibis'? How about all the people who helped fuck me over but got rewarded? What about the way I have been treated from coast to coast by medical staff, security guards and corrupt police as well?
HE is the one for which there are no more aliblis...ESPECIALLY the corrupt authority in my local hometown area...for him and others like him there are no more aliblis..

You know the great thing about being programmed is that time is irrelevant. It lives forever...time is going on right now, the past is ever valid and the future is many possibilities that in theory have happened allready. None of it really matters in the true big picture.
So he can live in that train station..forever and ever and ever and ever. Day after day his little personal Hell will be me running over in my mind him saying that to me. He will live there forever, my captive. Becuz be very very sure, on that day in that moment I was certainly his.

And its more than he deserved.

Maybe he should go after the real criminals..you know the ones who all seem to enjoy on thier agreement to have me targeted.

These people and thier little keystones can go f*ck themselves.

I will never forget or forgive that comment or any other like it..and ...there....are..many.

A friend tries to comfort me often by making fun of the blue collar end of the harassment, "thier little army" he says. Or he'll tell me the crowd who initiated the harassment isnt around anymore..I know, they probably all got rewarded with jobs, grants, gigs , new trucks and shit and left town for some great life.
What crowd? This is intergenerational targeting, its been life long and its been since 1996, not 2003...ah, but a cover story is always good to hid the real reasons someone is targeted.

Well, if $10, 000 in an envelope is accurate, you've wasted yer money becuz I have been targeted all my life anyway. Typical, that they'd want to make an extra buck off some fools who they were using for a cover story they needed anyway. Once again the comedy is endless when one looks at how these jerks suck EVERYONE into their scam...the originally planned Target as well as people who have to comply to cover thier asses or who want to profit off anything they can anyway. So stupid.
Who the f*ck thought I would fall for this?

Can you beleive my family actually tried to get me to COME HOME? After what they did to me and how am hip to what this is all about you'd think they wouldnt want me IN the damn house. Uh, dont you think I'll be just a tad PISSED OFF and not into being well behaved and mind controlled? This is the kind of arrogant shit that totally helped me wake up...come home to what? A purposefully anti-intellectual envirment where I get disrespected daily by people related to me by blood and their annoyingly interferring spouses? I can get perped out here by strangers thank you very much. And i can say to myself "its not personal, they are getting something off a stranger"..so fuck them basically.

If I die out here, it will be 100% better than being in the clutches of my stupid annoying mind controlling family who deserves no respect from anyone at all besides what they probably pull out of people via fear through thier connections. Example: the mail man comes to my family home's door. He interacts with a family member. This said postman behaves in a way in which is obvious to me looking in from side room that indicates he does not respect her at all.

I will not be part of that. Why? becuz they perps are going to have to disrespect me all on thier own. Remember they love slander. Why was it of such great import to keep trying to suggest I go home to grandma along my travels months ago?(though often these were people who should have never had access to information about the existence of family members especially specific ones - becuz my internal system made sure only certain factions had certain information-duh)
becuz one of thier great excuses is that the whole family is fucked up, i am sure. The perps who hide pride themselves on keeping up a good front. If i died do you realize how easy it would be to paint it that way?
Why make it easy on them? They do not make it easy on me. And who would send you back to an abusive unhealthy enviroment anyway? perps that's who.

Remember alot of what they pull is soooo 19whatever and shouldnt even fit into a globalized world with access to an info superhighway. Its so..'50's. The 'problem child'. The screwed up family down the street..does anybody still fall for this shit anymore? are we as a nation still so unsophisticated? well, i just came from the midwest and it a yes all around. It doesnt matter, gangstalking happens worldwide and moving doesnt help. I'm sure if I moved to a culture most suited to me and tolerant of my ways the perps would still find some way to make a paradise uncomfortable, becuz remember the perps are the ultimate spoilt brats.
They want their way and they get it all the time. The law is on thier side and there are no consequences for their actions...only rewards. This is one of the reasons they come across to Targets as so f*cked up. They are the most enabled f*cked up people on the planet. This is utilized dysfunction at its best and as long as they exist thier will only be temporary illusions of peace on earth or any other such pipe dream. We will never heal the earth or its people as long as these fuckers serve to keep wounds open and keep everyone in fear.
]
Fuck them....fuck them and fight until you die.


Something tells me not to give up..just as I am about to, often these days. It gives me false promise of revenge and setting the balance back to where it was-where it belongs again.

Its foolish to believe such things.