Please stay strong

I know being a Target is very hard...for some of us it seems like either death or the mind control prison they are offering is the only way out. If you are trying to escape a cult its just as difficult if not more so becuz they have all the means of hooking into your original 'programming' to intimidate you.

One thing you must remember is that these groups who form a national if not international network of harassment are not right in what they are doing. NO ONE has a right to recondition any other human being or intimidate victim witnesses.. no censor you or 'keep u down'.

you will get alot of active denial from the perps themselves, like the criminals they are they will always DENY EVERYTHING..that is what criminals do. And if what they are doing is acceptable why msut those involved be so covert about it. The sheer guilt on people's faces is enough to incriminate them.
The perps will always blame the target/victim. YOU are not handling being targeted well enough. I lost out on something in life there fore YOU the target must suffer also. Do not internalize these people's motives or reasonings.

They ARE The People of the Lie.

If you are fighting them they are AFRAID OF YOU, most people will not help you becuz they are afraid of being targeted.

The amount of active and passive denial is mind blowing I know.

I'm sure eventually I or anyone else is supposed to give in to the harrassment. These people, alot tof them involved are convivced that the target needs or needed thier guidance thru harassment to change the target's life. they live thru this myth becuz obviously it covers thier true motives which range from jealousy to crime to perversion.

YOU HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED. Do not give in to thier bullshot attempts at mind control. I can tell you that is what they are attempting. This system has gone on long enough..it shouldnt even exist in the age of technology and information. How can it? the fact humans are still going along with these sorts of activities says alot about the very nature of humans.

Dont give in if that is waht you feel is right. Tech should have revolutuinized human beings..not made them easier to enslave (who the fuck thinks this shit up?) Its like the same old rules except the oppressors just naturally think that tech will serve to further thier interests.

So its still about intimidation. Notice how sneaky they have to be with me? How many have to come after me at once? They know someone like me could desimate one of their own if left alone with me for too long with no 'back up'. These idiots are getting rid of smart, talented, strong people and they have to send mobs of sneaky bastards to do it.

I have a feeling that if we dont give in then they will pay someday. Dont ever give in.
I may have to forget about ever having a life opr even give up my physical life on this planet to not give in.

I usually dont give play by plays of perp activivy becuz whats the use? unless its for documentation purposes. I wouldnt document publically if i were u becuz then the guilty parties know what you know and can change thier stories later.

But lately i have felt myself losing some control. Thier big thing with me is manipulating or targeting me to believe that i dont/didnt deserve anything therefore i needed to be harassed /modified so i can 'start anew' after i am persoanlity wiped by this experience...i assume that means all crimes are paid when it comes to the people who screwed me over all down the line as well.

The worst part is the perps who look at you like u r some sort of feast put down in front of them.. Has anyone else seen this greedy look? On the radio today they were scare tacticing audience with the food shortage in the future thing. All I could think of is that the perps are the kind of people that would resort to eating other humans no problem..its basically what they do anyway.
And that LOOK that they give. Its so unsettling.

I can only hop that the tech they use to 'handle' taRGETS will be used on the general public to make sure total chaos doesnt break out.

I am sure sick of being controlled, informed on and the mirroring is jsut disgusting. How annoying is that ?

So please, whether the system is trying to get rid of us or if it is tryiing to make us serve them in thier coming 'events' stay strong and do not give up. There must be some reason they need to get rid of people like us.

dying while alive

i still am around some perps i shouldnt be. some for good reasons but some are nasty and damaging. what are the alternatives?
there is no logans run, there is no promise land.
There is never going to be a place we can be free to practice our art without interference.
I mean deprogrammed persons like me. Some people seem to have finances and thats great but i am literally dirt poor and i cannot get up off the ground. not while trying to work on mind control issues...how can you trust the conferences, advocacy groups and other survivors anyway?

There is only what i am being terrorized into daily.

and there is one perp in my life who is obvious but still hurtful. I ahve nothing else.

there is a survivor named Barbra Hartwell. Her situation seems to be similar to mine.
She seemed to be the least successful of the survivors i veiwed on the original 1998 video tape of that program (on youtube) where theres like 3 notable survivors and others. I am not even going to go into that area. I dont have the energy but seeing the players in person might help me make up my mind about alot of things. I already know it..i dont trust it.

actually there is one survivor who is of note who wrote a book who isnt there. all these people over time seemed to come to mistrust each other and fall into cliques. They give conflicting opinions and info...i am not dealing with another 'spot the operative' game again.

I had to go thru that in the gangstalking forums and i lost a digit becuz of ignorance of the game. I cannot draw or write. (happy now all you jealous greedy fucks out there? it isnt hard to terorize someone under such tight control-you guys are all cowards. i hope someday you play with someone or something that isnt so easily handled and it blows right up in your faces....something catastophic. I hope you dont even get a chance to think before it does in a huge number of you who like to play with dangerous toys....You Suck. All of you. you are all control freaks with your own fucking issues u should be dealing with. yer lazy and mostly all still under mind control, i have seen these assholes who think they are in on the operation of handling someone like me across the country )

anyway i would prob find the same formula. and in order to find the true solution and real answer i would need alot of investigative resources. I would need to see bank statments records, talk to associations very old to recent-the whole run down. Who says these people are who they say they are?
I am sick of fuckin playin with people. Get some real, respectable down to earth people who can form a cohesive unit that can at least come close to being anything resembling 'official' when it comes to the subject of mind control survivors or get the fuck away from me... just another Gerry springer scene. Is anyone else sick of being unsure of anythign? of always feeling 'down the rabbit whole'?
Obviously, we are fucked...anyone who is on my level is screwed. I dont know what 'level' that is but other survivors seem aolt better off. Strangley, B. Hartwell has had the hardest time, though i do not knowthe full story. But its interesting that people on vaious threads (live onversations via internet posts) seem to put this woman down almost immediatley. Its good some are there to defend her but she seems targeted even as an out survivor..people will rip her apart on posts..that she doesnt have evidence that she is difficult or whatever. If her story is tru maybe she cant 'tell' or maybve she's beat and tired or maybe she's targeted to get rid of her..it sounds like she had the worst sort of 'gangstalking' going on. She' a trauma victim, give me a break with being down on her all the time. its perp shit thats all.

On the other hand on must consider thats her role to play and she isnt really who she says etc etc. I cant say becuz i dont know enough about that whole scene..alot of these people have gone quiet or they are being more professional about the subject.

I suspect maybe...this is a possibility anyway, that this whole 'come out and tell us yer mc story' migh have been to smoke out other survivors. The whole trend in the 90's was 'finally the 60's is coming to the system! come out have no shame! heal! tell yer story of being molested that yer an addict and need recovery! Recover!" Well, i haver noticed targeting now being BASED on all those and other sorts of admissions. Great, they set us all up.
I have heard claims that a ceratin person i know who tried to get in on the class action lawsuit for radiation experimentaion in the 90's was immediatley followed so they allegedly dropped hte case. Another 'smoke out' campaign?

Also, i notice she looks alot like my mother when younger. I wonder if its that this family line is simply more volitile or less valuable to the handlers, therefor-bye bye B. Hartwell, bye bye to me as well-according to her she is unwilling to cooperate as am i. My mother is cooperating however
(obviously). Just more possible clues..no answers. i thought about showing up in Maine to ask for her and judge for myself but you know what? who cares? She has stopped blogging so she's either done her job or if she's genuine she's done with the bullsh*t and i cant say i blame her.

The description of her targeting sounds similar to mine.

The one perp i am still with has some really nasty excuses for everyone's behavior.
He keeps showing me art books that contain the most depressing stuff, like people who look like they are in what he desribes as 'pergatory'..then quickly, he will say 'when your allowed to partake in the world less and less' and then
'that is what happens when you get more and more removed from the world, in your house thinking your God' somthign to that effect.

He also likes to expose me to a poet artist who he keeps pointing out he cant stand becuz he is full of himself and is high in himself.
He will sneakily make fun on tod rungren's cd becuz he's aloner who plays all his own instruments on some album he made.
He also has pointed out paintings in this book and others where a fugure looking into a mirror has a skull behind it and vanity equals death.

Needles to say this is depressing me whats more depressing is that in this whole world he is my only real solid contact.
I do get some support but moreso i get more insight into what excuses these people make for invading my privacy in my own home at 335 washington street which i guessed some time ago.

They must've known they were observing deprogramming..
A clue is that if he knows about the fear that certain persons most likely had of me becoming too psychically powerful or charged as i 'woke up' or awakened out of being compartmentalized
(his statement intimating about becoming too removed and thinking yer God) then he must know the....actually , some shits in NY tried to push the idea of a mule. (a person who is psychically powerful who appears out of nowhere in popluation). This is bull and i know it.
Either this guy is talking out os mind control himself, he is mistaken and he thinks i am just this scary person who exhibited power, or he knows about programming. None of it is valid.

*If your computer starts malfunctioning , it needs reprogramming. Go to it and insult it...tell it mean things about what happened to it as glitches appeared in its functioning. Insult its attempts to fix itself that were inconvenient or scary to you...yeah, THAT is logical and productive. That'll get it fixed. AND I AM GOING TO BE JUST AS RECEPTIVE AS THAT COMPUTER TO THIS SORT OF NONSENSE....becuz it doesnt make any sense.

So i can see the decision was made to reprgramm me the way that they did in the old days which is to brak the computer down with a too many problems and a chess game that is suicide (look up suicide chess, its interesting) or a question that is illogical or has no answer.

I still dont understand why it could not be done be simply rearranging the system that was there.
i knew what i needed.

the problem here is we are dealing with logical apes. a deadly creature who needs, like a vampire to get sexual and aggression energy off of someone else as well as put theirs on others.

We are dealing with creatures who need to be healed but we live in such a mess of a society that getting healed is not a desire we can acknowlegdge consously. So we steal and rob from the healer. We tie her down and murder..this is the place we live. She must give (people and places who take from the healer) and not replenish or recharge herslef( the oppressive system of targetign and gangstalking to keep you 'down') so that others might live ( everyone gains)
she is treated as a battery cell that is thrown away when it is empty(death of the psychic/healer)...a sure sign of our 'throw away' society.
I cant tell you how many angry fucked up people are attractd to me. Yes its gangstalking but all the participants are suffering on purpose.
in an IDEAL situation, i would recharge and keep expending energy and the needy or hurting would find thier own center of healing..etc.

This is not allowed inour society...other that aaaalllll the other reasons i am being murdered by being targeted that is the ultimate reason. Their rationales of info at risk or energy being misused by others...the real reason fits the solution they have chosen for me-burn out, go dim and do not produce any more energy. This is the way i am to live.

its disgusting isnt it? no one is going to tell me how to rule my 'kingdom' get it? i am not a god(duh) but i certainly shouod be in charge of my own internal world, body and mind.
I will get them for this if is the last thing i do. What right do they ahve to decide for me?

Especially when i had such a good plan...nice and balanced.
I will NOT live on a planet where my status is below every other human being. Thats how i am treated...the doormat of hte world. and there doesnt seem to be any help or way out. Its like some sort of invasion adn now they want to have an occupation after victory.

whats interesting about the perp comments is there was a peice i read posted by another target, i cant recall now adn i aint gonna go lookin but it said that there were comments made about some sort of personal hell or pergatory for those Republicans who didnt go along with thier plans..i'll have to find it again. All i know is the intimation is that you are dead and isolated which is like what transpires when you are targeted.

Those no cure for it anyway..the network will never run out of sick people who need to lord it over someone else. it will never run out of people who will abuse someone or stalk someone. There is no way to stop it- how? if you were in the majority you'd be targeted for trying to interfere. If you were in the majority you'd be getting rid of the very system that keeps order. and its a business many people depend on for money or to get out their impulses that society would think is sick otherwise. It might also ultimately be the network of perverts covering thier asses people claim that it is. I know you get targeted if yer a victim or know too much. its a virtual jail and its made to destroy human beings thats all..but to bring it to a level of entertainment is wrong.

I will never give up and give in to the wrong and disinfo 'offiicail' version of events surrounding me and others in my life. I am sure i am supposed to, on top of all teh othe insults, take to the fall guy role willingly. I wont.

That is what they are doing. i suppose i am supposed to ignore facts, and take to the idea that i deserve to be a high profile hate object becuz i di this and taht bla bla ...

ahh to be programmed. see, i dont have to give in to that kind of pressure....all the idiots have done is enacted a chess game that wont end. I'll be dead maybe. i am sure thta i teh desired end result..these people are cruel and remeber that comment in MO at the coffe shop.
basically get rid of her she's old.

Am i like a cyborg or something and dont know it? No..no its jsut a very efficient system of making sure you are surounded 24/7 mostly by the assholes of the world and no one decent so that you start to squirm and go crazy and react.
If this were to be aproached legally i am sure you coul come up with kid napping, hostage taking, consiracy to commit murder, manslaughter for some perps , mental duress, pain suffering...etc. it definetly has brought harm to me as a human being. It has caused me to take risks i wouldnt have taken, financila loss (which of course i got perped out of paperwork i had gathered-there is still a way.)
i cannot beleieve this is such a problem that cannot be solved. no target hs ever said it ends however. the may leave you alone after a while but you 'll never get restitution, never get yer life bakc, never get yer health back.....

the more i hang around the more i suffer. living under thier strict conditions is too much suffering. i have all these ruined buildings inside..all this mess from thier 'bombings' of my internal structures (programming) there is no way i can create a life with that much damage.

how an i supposed to forget about damage to the system if i have to scan my own system (as is the prodedure) and the damage is overwhelming. damage from what they have done to me activley and damage from neglecting my health(thier actions influenced the decision to neglect)

ahh, thier magic little pills they keep trying to get me to ingest. do you know how many perps keep pushing and have pushed anti depressants or a small dose of anti whatever for 'being all over the place in conversation sometimes"(flooding-natural in deprogramming).

Why, so i can be targeted some more and take it well this time? oh, yay!

Really this is to hide the brain damage they purposely inflict so the mc survivor loses memories adn info along with i'm sure they are hoping.

The ship is sinking and i am not jumping like an ass*hole people.
You are on the Titanic:
finish what you have to, then go down to the bar..there werent enough life boats and the band has decided to stay on. sit down, have a drink and do what humans should do in situaions like this. Enjoy the time you have left as you would have lived yer life.

I will NOT live my life on a life boat when I could have had a whole ship.

Go to Hell.

Oh and i will keep writing until i am done. I have perps intimating sometimes that people shouldnt talk about killing thmselves they sould just do it. Nice crowd that hangs around me everyday huh? sometimes wether i know it or not.

When yo uprovide the internet to the public yes you give a better chance of survivla to targets but the you give the perps a better chance as well. and spy eqiupment, that right there should cause alarm..that its readily available to the public.
video's should be like bullets froma gun. identified by something that says what camera it came out of and tied to a possible owner.
Anything posted on the internet should have to be registered etc. there should be a detector available to the public that tells wharn any filming is going on.

People should start suing becuz its the constant presence of cameras everywhere that is hightening htier anxiety..
better yet perhaps you, reading this, should internalize the threat -the intimidation that is being presented every time I post. Everytime my spelling is off, when its obvious how weak i am getting, how tired how damaged. How much more closer to ruin or outright death.

Be afraid this could happen to you, be afraid becuz Rachel got made an example of..be afraid, do what yer told go along with the crowd always side with the Police, Fire, criminal and politician or men of power in business. Dont argue with the rich kids take thier crap and suck up to them.
Let them define you, dont fight, dont argue..
beucz you may get targeted. Dont 'make waves'...

"row row row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream" Right?

Actaully you are now a victim of mind control. That is a very common song it was used on , i should say IN me and other survivors. It means
'take the abuse, keep ignoring it (compartmentalizing) becuz its not really happening anyway ( life is but a dream remember) and row your boat down the stream..it will end and so will you and dont ask when. Just keep rowing.

Make some Fuckin waves you assholes.

re:Last post

Uhh, someone remind me I AM human and need sleep....or not to blog when I am so tired.

I am always trying to find out many things at once and it gets all mixed you see.
There is the COINTEL-like activities that have gone on around me, there is the issue of my own programming and the events or subject matter that is hidden and not under my control..like the post of me being gassed on the bus for instance. I did not know about MILABS and that its allegedly the military-again I have no proof. Svali (llok it up) claims to have been part of a group engaging in such activities and she gave no connection with military as responsible party.
The option that its alien activity-I am not saying 'no' to the possibility of anything , ever in this world but I would need a substantial amount of proof for that one.

I am dealing with alot of different subjects and different levles of each.

As I write this now I realize that this has all been to get me to tell what i know or reveal more info about myself. I will never forgive everyone for this. I needed my privacy to fix my programming. As many people recently who are 'in the know' have said to me: "you are not a toy, you shouldnt be being toyed with". I agree.

perhaps like every group of a-hole slave owners these f*cks theink you have to earn your freedom. I will get them for that i truly will, becuz really its jsut more using me for stuff. Its a different sort of 'fun' to play with me while i am deprogramming than it probly was to 'play' with other programming I had. Ultimatly a person like me is never seen as free by the overseers.

I am convinced (let ME be the asshole now) that certain groups who cannot get slave ownership 'out of thier blood' perhaps have a genetic defect and need modification or genetic engineering to 'sure' them of such problems or thier character. This can be arranged. Do you honestly think that only peasants are going to be going away during lowering the population? You never can tell just who is up now can you?



So i personally dont want to join a religion right now...its important to stay impartial to everyone lets say. But I respect people's own choices.

But certain groups can be pretty self righteous..actually i cannot think of one that isnt at times.
I have encountered perps from all the religoius backrounds and help from many as well.

My comments on humans prefering the devil I guess at that moment i meant that they seem to want to be mindlessly selfish and aggresive.

Aside , i do realize now that the 'perps' use what they DO know about you to get u to tell them what they DO NOT know. I am a civilian and not trained in these areas, so i fell for it. Beleive me i feel very stupid. I do not like the damage to my system that has it has taken to reveal alot of what is part of me, but i was targeted into it.

really, i beleive its minimally for info gathering purposes...its mainly for entertainment i think. Which means when all is said and done i am no more ahead than i ever was. I am still controlled, handled, watched, targeted, zapped if i dont behave and now privy to the knowledge everyting is managed....
oh, thats right. They dont seem to care who sees nowadays.
its dangerous. Like in 1984 most likely the illusion of freedom will no lonnger be perpetuated.

This is one of the reasons i do not want o write a book at all. why so the jerks who manage the whole world can use it to thier advantage? Now that i know the truth how can i ever again have a good life? If i write anything i always have to wonder if i am not being pushed in that direction anyway. That book is horrible for anyone being targeted. You read it with a completely different view. You understand the meaning of all the oppression.

Unless something is actually able to be DONE about this system of treating humans like animals to be observed, coaxed, pushed and trained/conditioned then i guess all i have left to do is learn to 'love big brother'. Give up and accept the limits of my circumstances. Who even can say if perps will leave me alon long enough to write? or anyone will publish and not rip me off or perp me around the issue?
Thats the question. How far does this go? IS there some way of fighting? a lawyer to come along in future and say i have rights and the things-the outrageuosly illegal things alot of people have partaken in to hurt me-that there is recourse?

It jsut seems like the system supports the oppression of certain individuals-persons the system chooses. THere is no door out, there is no recourse.
What i dont understand is why so many other people seem to be either in on this or all happy about seeing me or anyone oppressed.. you'd think human beings would be more..forget it. People used to bring the kids to public hangings-its over.

My very fighting for myself is probly entertainment. The system itself is set up to never allow me to be ackknowledged as a person who has to be taken seriously. All kinds of jerks can keep getting off on the fact that they know what happened behind my back and i dont. I am sick of hte sneaky looks and the jerks being self satisfied by simply gettng it over another person.

I hope everyone is happy. Personally i dont think anyone is ever going to face up to what they did. I beleive alot, a great portion of the aggreassion towards me is based on people displacing thier own problems onto me.
That is what a human sacrifice is for isnt it? Its that simple.

I was probly chosen for this before birth. I am sure the intergen perps think its jsut great that i die becuz it'llbe really healing for everybody. the whole world perhaps-this is from my reading up on what the way these sick f*cks actually think- the intergen satanic operators of mind control. I, personally think thier primitive obsession with human scrifice to better conditions for the 'tribe' is stupid in a modern tech society.

it'd be interesting to see if this practice can be done away with thru some sort of managing society thru tech instead of thru sacrificing pscyhics w/healing energy....and sucking them dry to improve your own lives as the person goes into the downward spiral.

There should be laws protecting healers and persons possessing an abundance of psychic energy-as if it were thier own money or something.

You know i keep getting puched to give up ..on all this.
I am given a few options daily.
One is very abusive, to give up and go with a man who will beat me severely and keep me down and put me into abusive sexual situations.

Another is to simply give up, 'grow up' (aka-become afraid of truth and start lying to survive, also can be considered successful reprogramming), and forget about all this, train fo some job that doesnt involve anything i wanted to do originally and jsut be numb and dead.
its as if when you fight suicide programming, you are dead anyway.

you cant fight that.

my next post will explain more on what is being done to me on that level. I am always around perps. In order for me to be reconditioned they'd need to have a constasnt presence of decievers around. its like your drowning.

a too long entry:a website refferal/my findings

www.thehiddenevil.com/ = good website for info. This person has alot of info on it. I certainly cant keep up.

I usually dont give reference to Web sites or blogs simply becuz one of the best ways out of this is to retain the CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS....figure out for yerself who is full of sh*t and who isnt.
I know I have suffered greatly at the hands of decievers claiming to be Targets from groups I now see are probably bogus anyway.

Just look for red flags, thats all. There is alot of disinfo and even the term 'gang stalking' I now believe is a disinfo created term and subject matter.

Important lesson: forget about trying to find out who it is that is ultimatley responsible.
A target should know why they are targeted, unless there is a such thing as people being targeted just for practice- then thats it i guess. There is yer reason.
Perhaps there are things you do not remember yet as reason for being targeted.

One of the things that will drive you nuts is the disinfo people and the perps playing targets.

There are some dangerous people playing Target(s) in some of these groups....and i dont mean just crminals of opportunists. There are some people who are obviously into mind control and I mean dangerous.
I know of someone (love that beginning to a sentence dont u? "I have this friend who....") barely escaped unscathed a few times OVER THE PHONE.
The damn telephone.

If you survive and stay sane you'll see. War fare comes in all sorts of kinds and covert means not obvious.

Just be leary of inconsistency.
Be leary of people who are mean. I am talking about people who claim to be Targets and they seem to be capable at times of being as mean as a perp might be to other humans.

Be aware of sloppy info. Like if someone is too sure about info that is baseless/factless anyway.

*Just read up on psy ops and black ops and you'll get a basis for what false info might contain and the enemy' s motives.

If a target seems to be making really crazy claims or if they seem to complain about stuff that, if u thought about it, might be set up by them or lacks the perps meaness and stress inducing tactics-have yer doubts. Alot of dis-info(enemy activity to divert Target) is just mis-info (ignorance on part of target for various reasons).

It does seem to me now however that a large part of the reigning TI community are operatives in charge of disinfo. You would have to have alot of access to investigative resources to find out who was who or what is what.

Have reasonable doubts about everybody.

Be careful what you blog or email.
Remember everytime I express anything on this blog I run the risk,like every other victim,
of having the perps read it and gain more insight into the way I think, what I know and where my head is at now.
these people are stalkers...but i am a careless sort and becuz i truly believe in freedom of expression as a form of self defense I do not care. As long as someone who may be new to this gains I do not care about risk. What risk? The perps who matter, who watch over this chesss game can find out anything they want at any time anyway. Its always been a joke thinking privacy is really real or its guarenteed. I never expected that people couldnt hack any system they wanted or gather info the good old fashioned way.
Privacy is somehting I expected and demanded.

THAT is what all our arguments should be based on. Stop getting freaked out that someone COULD look into all yer shit-
start getting freaked out (then very pissed off) that someone IS looking into yer business.

all you can do is fight now. Now, as things are now. If what the perps did to you pisses you off, fight for what should have been yours until you keel over or the tables turn in your favor.

If you accept the 'new life' they have set up for you or start to grow into the 'new you' they love to define for target's (by redefining the targets personality with the new restricitve circumstances)

then you are validating thier actions.

What is happening to Targets is akin to a virtual or 21st century version of the trail of tears or similar incident. Like taking a native American from the plains and relocating them to the swmps of Florida. Many died I am to understand....and we know how much sympathy that gets from our population. Which, now I think about it, we as targets might be pretty screwed.
Think about the total compartmentalization this country has for those 'set aside'. The only reason they have dealt at all with African Americans is , I assume, becuz they were still percieved as under the new countries rulership and they still needed them even after slavery was abolished.
They dont seem to need us. You'd think being an american citizen would be enough but obviously it is not.
So as an artistic type of person, the lack of expression, praise and contact with people is going to kill me. Lack of physical contact is going to do me damage. The lack of mental stimulation is going to destroy me..its all meant to drive targets to suicide. They are particularly into making sure i am isolated socially. I was never allowed to 'grow up'..but my situation is connected to mind control activities life long so they are probable trying to reprogram me. I was told by a perp that I was only allowed to grow only very conditionally and those conditions are the gangstalking thats destroying me.

What the people at lower levels dont get is the people at higher levels who set these ops up are doing is trying to get target to kill themselves. People at loer levels think all kinds of naive crap becuz they are mind controlled themselves.
Have no delusions.

There is no target that should ever be subjected to this treatment to learn a lessson, become a better person, know thier place, come down to your level etc etc etc.
When it comes to messing with someone who is programmed all you can hope to get from these results is a burnt out, hollowed out shell of a person who's rich and multi dimensional inner world has been destroyed.

Something else they are trying to do it seems is curb imagination.

The only way I have been able to get thru this is to slowly liquidate my imaginitive side and use only logic. This may be thier attepmt at destroying the very thing that makes programmed people able to be programmed.
These people care little for art or artists. They are too obssessed with seeing all targets as real world threats.
I was purposely manipulated to appear more unstalbe and 'dangerous' than i really was.
Its a cover up...how would you like to live with the memory of what i have discovered since makes me a MILAB?
This is the point where real world 'reality' is so stretched, so far removed from the truth the target has found out that its difficult to love in two worlds. I believe this is what they want.
you'll do what THEY want now. Yer tired. Yer lonely and freaked out. Yer powerless and like a tired addict on a run its time to surrender. Great, except I never agreed to some restrictive parts of 12 step and i still dont. THere is alot of pocketing of the truth but i tolerated it in the interest of getting clean and sober. I allowed myself, by my own will, to become part of the 'program' and after i had gotten a certain amount of control, too many questions arose about the depth of 'the program' and the honesty of members.
I will not give in to a program of behavior modification not under my will.

Especially if I still have to deal with perps all the time and have no freedom.

I can sense these idiots and that is what is driving me insane. They stand there and try to look like they havent been made. Then i pull a couple of tricks and the more careless in the group get made as well. I cant stand it.
That is haow they win...you'll get tired and acept thier presence in yer life. you'll give up and take some job horribly unimaginative and beneath you so as to not be noticed and hopefully left alone.
You'll become a pathetic mind control victim(again) and disregard the fact people are lying to you or handling you right to yer face.

Its very dangerous for me. I am being pushe to treat myself horribly. Thier actions have created in me awful abusive 'alters' that i can barely control.

My nind is wearing and i offered to a doctor recently to take the label..jsut lock me away i am crazy. but people seem to konw i have put alot of energy into walking the tight rope and playing it just right to still be effective but not get locked up. I can say i am proud my family did not gain a success with thier last campaign to have me seen as crazy..still thier wery existence is a threat to mine and unless i am allowed to grow in power i will never be safe from further advances. Hopefully they have forgotted aoubt me but my mother is one who is quite snake like and may stay coiled fro many years -waiting for the moment to strike. Its a frightening quality and i never understood before why she had not gotten further in life from possessing it.

The doc said i was not crazy and would not allow me to do it. Really i am very tired and do not see the point in continueing. I will never regain what i lost and the condtionign is so long term that they get you to lose your anger over what has been done.

My theory is that the NWO is based on trama bonding. If everyone hurts everyone else, if everyone is in pain, everyone is connected. everyine has sympathy for everyone else.
its a sick system however but i have read that the world economies are going to be leveled with each other and such.
Who knew that there could be communism with emotions and feelings. This process really attempt to make you one of the team.

There is group who seem to be what ti call 'sensible satanists' perhaps behind all this.

I have seen more and more people on tv etc flash the sign of hte devil as if it were a gang sign like crypts (misspell i know) or bloods.
Also, the inverse pentagram with the heart on top instead of sharp pointy ends, used to be used to draw devils horns at the top. Lots of tattoos of the inverse pentagram with the heart top, especially among younger people.

I beleive they wish to destroy the imagination and everything illusion that is beautiful by using deception.
They hate Masonic structure, like architecture or the French school of art. This is simply the new, hipped out bullshit version of finding emptyness from the old school Satanism. I suppose as we speak I am living through my own sacrifice and shouldnt be scared bullshit scenerio.

I told you fuckers once and I will not repeat it..I do not accept religion. your's is a religion of the earth and it has no state of grace. its one sided and i dont care how mcuh you think it will heal mankind or jion everyone together in world peace I FEELS BAD TO ME.

These fucks are worse than those people who came to the door and want to tell u about god.

Learn somthing new today kiddies....the joy of life comes from the freedom to choose a religion.
dddddduuuuuhhhh.

GOD! They are like soooooo obsessed! Its f*cking irritating! And they really think they hav eth ultimate plan...just like eeeevery other group throughout human history.

Now I understand Lucifer comppletely. He must've hated man....becuz man prefers the Devil, which I assume Lucifer would hate as well.
I dont know what to think any more and religious nonsense aside all that matters are people's intentions.
Trust me on this one, I have seen enough. THere is some sort of trauma bonding going on and the morons involved actually think its a good thing. And there does seem to be a Satanic gang thing but...something about it is new. It heavily relies on tech and seems to want o destroy all things perveying secrecy and knowledge.

Perp piss off

Piss off the perps they hate to see you laugh ...

http://www.loweringthebar.net/law_enforcement/index.html

read this.

Lets outlive the fuckers behinnd all this and maybe tomorrow will be brighter. I know there are young perps and that is very disappointing and scary. maybe they'll all just disappear someday.
stranger things are happening.

Organized harassment and unions.

Well, I sorta had the union-crime connection figured out already but since I should be doing art work and councilling women and helping change lives instead of figuring them, I really knew nothing about 'thier' world, cuz I shouldnt have had to....thier jobs are to keep the world running for all of us so Me and You can do what We do, not have to get swallowed up by these people.


Interestingly, if I stay in a Right to Work state like AZ, I do not get any harassment from city workers or the usual 'perps' of org stalk in other states by comparison. Yet city bus drivers were a huge problem. I have never been harassed by city bus drivers so overtly and with such open hostility as in AZ. (see recent article for example):

http://www.azcentral.com/community/gilbert/articles/2008/04/01/20080401higleybus0401.html

Also see this video and bullshit whitewash story about school driver:

http://www.azcentral.com/community/gilbert/articles/2008/04/01/20080401higleybus0401.html

Its so obvious that the driver was physical with the student and then the drivers daughter stepped in. They should have strict orders for male drivers only.
I feel bad for the student who got more than she could have possibly dished out. This is an example of how too many people with authority gang-up on someone. Would the driver had pulled that had her she not known her daughter was there to watch her back? I highly doubt it. I can tell that the girl who grabbed her is by nature aggressive and the driver as well. The girl being grabbed is not overly aggressive by nature... look at hre face as the driver holds her by her head. It was open season on this girl the minute that the driver grabbed her.
I would sue the shit out of these people becuz the driver set bad example/a presedant and it lead to the girl being grabbed by others present.

This is much the way organized stalking starts or is perpetuated. Please read up on human behavior in riot situations as well as crowds involved in beatings...people claim they stand by or even join in but cant remember "what came over them". This is why the covert violence of organized stalking is so dangerous-there are no bruises, no attainable security cam vid footage and rarely willing witnesses if people are intimidated enough collectively.

(I know this comes across as amusing to some people but its not. Whoever thinks this is funny is yer typical spoilt rotten, over cottled American who never has to deal with real violence or death..and if you do then yer comparing it to the violence around yer way.
Uhh, I would give anything to have had to only deal with overt physical violence. Why dont you picture being surrounded by people you KNOW want to do you harm and there is no family, no gang, no brother or sisterhood to help you. You are in the cirlce all alone, surrounded by wolves.
Now, tell me how bad ass you think you are again? The people involved feel they have the target in the palm of thier hand all they have to do is continue to use deception.
The non discolsure of my situation to further keep me entrapped will be seen as violent as kidnapping/hostage situation. I will see to it.

A virtual hostage situation..interesting. Oh and while you are busy playing games with people they are building a virtual wall around the border of Mexico. Uhh, just exactly when is it going to be harder to get out than in? If America 'Americanizes' the world I guess we could go anywhere, but its still an option to consider, far fetched as it may seem.
In my situation I already live this way. I have heard and I beleive it that the Targeting continues overseas, no matter where a target goes.)

I have quickly researched and found RPTA in connect with vally metro transit. It lists RPTA as a members only political organization.

Interestingly, I was perped heavily in AZ by a cab co. called Discount Cab. The article lists Dicount as answering to and contracting from RPTA as a parent co.

To thier credit, I highly doubt if union bus drivers could have gotten away with such behavior.

I know this: union members are the most realiable source for organized stalking your gonna find. This is not paranoid on my part, I have trevelled around this country and been targeted throughout. Union professions were a constant as perpetrators of harassment.

I think it is a big mistake for Homeland Security to state on c-span that they are part of our first line of defense against 'threats'.

This would be a good equation for the corruption.
They have been handed too much power over 'the people' yet they are by nature still very corrupt and connected to organized crime in large part.



But..this would explain a few things at least about the manual laborers: they most likely take drugs becuz the work over time becomes physically painful.

It must also be mind numbingly boring or dull for someone who is mentally active, a verrryy common reason for drug addiction.

They are protected and they know it.

I have heard horrible stories about them giving a new fellow worker his first 'taste' and then its just normal in this culture I guess for addiction to follow.

I understand the working class hero thing..I really do. I understand the lack of respect most likely encountered. I stopped having sympathy, however, when I found them to be the majority of the gs perps.

If you read up on working class militancy you will find that they are traditionally labled forigners, women and others as thier mortal enemies anyway.

I know that they make good money, are spoiled rotten, refuse a urine testing system, are sexist pigs in an era I cannot believe they still are allowed to exist in this day and age, and are protected by a dangerous tribal mentality of us and them with management that is easily transferable to any other entity experienced by their members as a threat.

There is a deadly public perception of busdriver=civilian.
Police/fire= neighborhood/community. These people behave militantly whether overt or covert. Then, the community validates thier actions as well as other way round. The target is left with little recourse becuz in every community their will always be the system of connection I just explained abused by kooks who like to : Stalk another human being to death. Torture a human being without consequence.
Gain power in feeling the collective they are part of is controlling a human being under the guise of the greater good.
These are the perps with power who are the strong arm of the system oppressing the target. They act directly in the community by interfacing with the target, yet hold authority where the civilian stalker has no authority directly(though it is infered by the actions of the people with badges against the target.) The persons at the very top never show themselves and act covertly never to the targets knowledge.


The problem with a collective like this is the members own private hells can be too easliy hidden and acted out in the drama collectively of stalking someone to death.

Also, like a team the Target seems to serve to bond the team...always desirable to ultimately control any group.


All in all I think the system is so hooked into being negative and destructive that these people have to do what they do in order to keep thier jobs. The ones who enjoy it however will gladly comply.
We need a way to find out who those people are in the future.

There has to be laws againt psychological harassment and organized stalking must be seen as conspiracy to murder or at least 'a plot of evil design'.

If in fact this is just more psy op /black ops activity then this provides perfect cover.
Then the individual needs to have recourse.
In other words 'bullying' is big nowadays and who knows what its real purpose is or if its been socially engineered into the system to serve a purpose right now.

This is how a target thinks everyone is after him/her. The core group is made up of many different people from all walks of life. The harassment by many persons with authority (police, firemen, busdrivers, security guards,) provides the civilians with authority by association.
"We are after you , the authority of our communities is after you....everyone is after you!"

Remember, not every union person is a perp, just like I have repeatedly mentioned not all cops are in on this or if they act want to be. A cop who doesnt comply in certain ways with his brotherhood could find himself singled out and exposed or a victim of accidental friendly fire.
(Kinda makes dyin alone not seems so bad, doesnt it?)
Just like not all priests are perverts. Some of them genuinly want to help people.
like the people who help a target they do what they can within the limits of the system.....but the threat coming from people who are part of such a militant organization can be very damaging to an individual.

But this is why its called Targeting.

Always remember that you were singled out. Other people around you were doing worse things than you. You were abused thoroughly to be set up as a mere human sacrifice for the tribe.Your privacy was invaded, you were comprimised totally and you'll probably always be denied a fair trial or legal rep. The system no longer serves yo u becuz you have been placed outside the system. Exiled, excommunicated. The only way for them to deny you your legal right and human rights and dignity is to place you outside the structure of the system. Then you are percieved by everyone as a non citizen. I believe this is how they convince people to be sooo accepting of killing someone off this way.
Its the very reason no one takes any of this seriously until the target dies, or no one believes what is happening.
Basically you are a joke.

I dont think humans are sensitized this form of violence unless they have had to deal with it. I have actually seen someone targeted years ago but i did not know the person. days before he died i sensed something was wrong with the whole excuse they were handing everyone as to why harassing him was valid. Nor did i think he was going to die.
I cannot for the life of me understand why people you would know would do this to you.

I guess in my situation, no one wants to deal with how i ended up this way to begin with.
This is how it ends for people from mind control and criminal families who sell them out.
You were raised like a veal on purpose, they keep u down all yer life, then someone wants to come after you or get rid of you, then everyone who is responsible goes along with it. All yer friends are most likely users as well. You've never had anyone to stick by you...then the worst of all is the assholes who dont know you who are in on the story. they are the worst.

They project all thier own shit onto you. its awful to have to do this all alone, then be denied self reliance by constant targeting, have strangers know more than you, friends and family betray you (see the authority sets a precedent if my family stuck by me and helped me then i would not have to deal with people thinking its ok to hurt me all the time )....but i can see its purpose.
The only way you can contain the existence of mind control victimizationa and the existence of an international kiddie network is to keep the awakened victims corralled.Plus, most sensible people are afraid of the network of perps who coral a survivor.

So this society is only interested in some sorts of crime.
It obviously stil keeps slaves with no fuckin problem.

Whats most interesting is that I was targeted way before I became so out there. They knew exactly what they were doing. The situations of 2003 were only great opportunities for them to try to finally crush me. They seem to want information. Its reallly careless and abusive. How can you torture info out of someone who doesnt know what is going on? Its sneaky and highly unethical.
Thus the having to make the target feel bad. Also, to try to give the target a new beginning by encouraging them to change.
I keep getting the feeling as well as perp action that i am to behave more 'normal' and fit in do as the crowd does, give up arts completely.

I have to remember, there are people who used to pimp certain people my family knew back during my childhood. Blacks -were prob in some gang action. I was kept away from it much of the time but this culture here probly knows about that and sees me as coming from that enviro as well as having some connection to that past...i HIGHLY doubt if those idiots are capable of high level programming. The stupid bitch I had to deal with...I almost slapped H. one day. I really did.
The amount of handlers around the people I grew up with as well as myself was disgusting.
I ahve to get what is going on in my life from street sources. And its amazing how the 'decent' people have behaved so indecently.
Everyone probaly sees me as some sort of bum or street person now. Its where I belonged in thier estimation. This culture is disgusting. Its classist, sexist, racist and never really free or of equal opprtunity..unless you can runn crying to some advocay group who will threaten people.

Anyone should be albe to make anything of thier lives they want if they are smart enough and their is some resources to help them.
I am sure everyone has made excuses for themselves internally as well as the ones they have put forward publically.
I know one thing. No one has ever, not once asked me for the real story. People come up to me with judgements all the time. Pre pack judgments.

All i know is i was trying to buil something, my life and people got in my way and ontinue to do so via daily ahrassment. Why is this necessary? Also, why would you enjoy it? I just dont get it.

This is the main purpose of making the target into high profile hate object. It allows the public to do dirty work for them. Would people have hated me if they had not been exposed to a smear campaign? I know that I go targeted when I was younger but it was the more sparce pattern of random rudness, 'bad luck' etc. It wasnt so stressful or overt.
I would like to be a member of one of these strangers one day, just to see what thier motives are.

If I have MPD and dont know it, then i guess it would be scary for them or it could serve to make them cold towards me becuz they percive me as another creature different from them...like a real member of a slave class that is very differnt from them.

Perhaps i have woken up to realize my place in the world is that of the slave class, everyone is in full knowledge of it and no one cares jsut like the callous attitude towards slaves you hear about in history here in AMerica. I mean its JUST THE WAY IT IS...there is not changing it in thier minds. Rich kids seem to reallllyyyy hate me for some reason.
They need to mind thier own fucking business.

homeless

Burnout

"His eventual fate is a reflection of how the "sad mists of the world of deceit" often leave former spies with mental burnout."
Yeah, ask any one Targeted too long. And people wonder why people's blogs or websites start to seem non sensical. In the beginning I sure did.


"The thing is, my boy, people like Vincent are attracted to the service for all sorts of odd reasons. They often have too much imagination -..."
Uhh, yeah, see it in the perp's insanity every day.

"...may have been formed most by the scenery they grew up in - the sunlight touching roofs and garden trees, the telephone poles receding up the road until they become minute, "seeming to lead to a region of illusion"."

And some of us just wanted to write books and paint pictures help illuminate other humans.

Some of us thought we were born artists but woke up to such a horrible realization of another life.

That 'region of illusion' should only be created in a piece of artwork.

The only good and true use of illusion.

"TERRORING"

Here is the link:
http://oldandrew.edublogs.org/2007/03/18/getting-%E2%80%9Cterrored%E2%80%9D/

Finally! Something new for me about the nature of these crimes against Targets...also refreshing to see a new name for what is basically psychological harassment. I keep going over the same old info. Now a newpoint of view,for my research anyway.

It makes NO difference if it is a bunch of unruly poor kids or a bunch of f*cked up rich kids (partially my original perp group). Nor does it differentiate the two afore mentioned groups from the adults involved in 'gangstalking'. It is also no different from the intimidation of psy ops (raping you on many different levels until u give in....uh, win hearts and minds.Whatever.)

I have had many perps, especially in the midwest pull the tactic mentioned of rubbing in the days collective overt mind games by saying "are you doin alright?" but its asked in a way that makes the target feel like they are intimating that thier is something wrong with you (persecution)..this is why mostly bus drivers(notorious gs perps) asked this question. It was always a man who asked this question at any rate. Other stuff in the beginning they would pull like "smile, you're young" or " smile" these comments are rude when the person asks in such a way that you can tell its related to another perps behavior just prior...as this teacher describes the sequence.
Also, the absolutely annoying perp 'psycho smile's that EVERY target complains about are definitely meant to have the same affect as the comments I mentioned in my case or this teacher writes about experiencing in the street outside the classroom.
(psychologically it serves as a tool of re enforcement of the terror).

Its interesting how kids have gotten their hands on these tactics for their own abuse of power.
Did they get it off the Internet? Is it becuz we are dealing with an entire generation of kids raised in day care centers so there is this creepy Children of the Damned collective consciousness thing going on?

Whats more interesting is these tactics are being used by people much more important than mere kids to get rid of persons they find inconvenient.

For Artists

Targeted Artists Please Read This:

http://www.well.com/user/jmalloy/gunterandgwen/titlepage.html

more about programming

So no one is going to believe someone who is destitute and uneducated that they are programmed and harassed becuz they refuse to either drop dead (welcome to suicide programming) or become prisoners (jails, institutionalization or psych meds).

Its quite obvious to me now that all mind control surviviors that do not obey suicide programming will be coerced into one of these new prisons of the physical realm when the prisons or structures within no longer contain/control the mc survivor.
I cannot believe my experiencing this as common practice. Its an insult to everything I or any survivors have fought for and its a slap in the face to the glory of mankind itself becuz these new prisons deny the wonder, agility and richness of the human mind.

Its very very sad.

I had read this article a while ago but it only validated what I had read elsewhere and what i knew about my own head.

http://truthbeknown2000.tripod.com/Truthbeknown2000/id17.html

I have no idea about the cridentials of this person and to my disappointment when I contacted them it was strictly help for non targeted/gangstalked persons.

Interestingly, I am now allowed to conscously reveal a probable connection to other behaviors survivors may encounter.
There is an article I read on fantasy addiction years ago during my heavy research period when i actually had my own apartment. Its called fantasy addiction and yer gonna haveta look it up yerselves becuz if i even mention the source they'll probably all of a sudden mysteriously go out of business, change thier employees or thier name or some such nonsense--if yer being heavily targeted and people do not want to be percieved as helpful to you, the Target in any way...you know the drill.

The article and association deals with approaching alot of issues with psychology not imprisoning methods. One such issue was fantasy addiction .
It reffered to it
1) as an addiction, connected to other addictive behaviors
2) as a defense mechanism against anxiety

good enough but what is more compelling is fantasy addiction as a defense mechanism against death anxiety.

If you are programmed how much death anxiety do you think you have .....quite alot.

This would explain/define more clearly the mention of some high profile survivors that persons with certain programming exhibit a propensity towards fantasy.

its a defense mechanism.

it is in certain forms also can be a form of self talk therapy.

What must be understood is never forget how nasty these people are to begin with....they do not care about the survivor. They are trafficers and all they want is the older ones to die so thier newer younger models can be used up and so on. The cycle of abuse of human beings never ends as far as i can see. These jerks are ultimatley protected so thus explains even the most lowly gang stalker's arrogance.

Yet thru my ordeal I have sensed that some entity or collective parties are thinking they are being helpful by invasive deprogramming tactics.
They throughout this whole process of my destruction by covert methods have been veeerrryyy
curious as to what is inside my head.
Some structures have been broken into and it was very damaging.
they do not seem to care what happens to the person as long as they get all the info as to what is in your programming.
its totally obnoxious. I bet thier excuse is they want to see if any dangerous programming is in thier or sleeper programs.

Once expendable, always expendable. Great way to ruin a brillaint mind and rich artistic talent...wouldnt want those running around uncontrolled-especially from a female.

Oh, and breaking me down so i can never get revenge or justice for all my associates who sold me out along the way. Great!

I am sure this is where the attitude of "just take what life we are giving you' arrogant attitude comes from.



To the ignorant I know this sounds like I the writer am just imagining things etc etc.

This blog was never for those existing outside this horrible system of oppression.
It would be like me, coming to YOUR job, your chosen field of expertise and saying I dont believe you about what really goes on behind the scenes of your job..or that I dont believe u when you make claims about the machinations of your job...you've been doing for say 30 years or so.

How insulting is that?

If you are an outsider , unless you have a relative understanding of psychology, a realistic view of human violence and greed and an understanding of the history of psy ops and the general way of using covert methods to control humans....if you dont want to keep it real FOR REAL then as usual I say fo read something else.

Before I am reformatted, wiped or dead (out of demanding one last shred of dignity) i
will help as many survivors as possible with this blog..

Article of Interest

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2008/04/13/how_to_defuse_a_human_bomb/


Yes, its claimed its only for terrorists but it seems all sorts of people are being reformatted.

A radical of even the most harmless type seems a danger nowadays....or perhaps its more about covering the tracks of old projects. Notice the comparison in the article to "cult deprogramming".

Is anyone else out there offended once again at being treated like a silly child by having the media continue to perpetuate the illusion that nobody knows just how these people get this way?

Its called mind control.

Its been around for a long time and I can only hope all that is happening is going to make the use of mind control like this both for covert reasons and overt terrorism to be obsolete very soon.

Being 'brainwashed' (childish term) is no fun but being hunted down or kept down or simply used as a human bomb is the least fun ...ever probly.

I was in MI during the summer, near Canada. A real IDIOT zealot, fanatic...a misguided patriot Org. Stalker type, or maybe just an informed org. stalker trying to anchor me (see glossary of gangstalking terms) was looking right at me and said to the people around her something about stopping a ticking time bomb.

I am sick of people who know nothing about various kinds of programming handling mc survivors. Some of these people think they are helping others seem to get off on thinking that people with sex slave programming "live to please".. or some regular people get the idea your special circumstances means you are simply easily ordered around or something.

If you are programmed you have the internal drive and intel to be amused by this sort of human vanity and like me I hope you scan these potential targets and label them harmless and of no consequence. Humans can be very careless with things they have the illusion they are in control of and they are also childishly afraid of things they really do not understand.
What sucks is that the jerks who are the real perps of trying to get rid of you or wipe you/make you docile know that these idiots are endlessly useful. Enough of them everyday will leave lyou hopeless and suicidal. Drowning in idiots daily.
Take heart in knowing that they only dare handle you becuz others have authorized it. These people do what they are told. Alot of htem seem cult mind controlled (the group mentality is essential in controlling them, much LIKE Arab terrorist children actually- I looked it up. If you seperate them from the group they start to freak out and they cant be interviewed or function)

So there is definitely activities against anyone the administration deems a terrorist but it seems that might be anyone who is inconvenient for them or their wealthy powerful friends.

Its a good time to get rid of old mc survivors.

Remember the comment of the two men in MO..about cleaning out the system and making room for the next.

There will never be an end to the use of mind control for sex drugs and profit.

I can accept that, unlike what everyone thinks of me I am more like the structure that programmed me than I would like actually. I realize the practicality of the situation. I understand the need for order.

But to use foriegn terrorism as a front and to be cruel merciless, humiliating and insulting in setting things to order is unacceptable.
Its cowardly at best.

I will not be deradicalized becuz my desire to recover memories in therapy and become a councilor for womens issues and do some art work on the side was not exactly a radical plan.

So artists are terrorists? Women who want to pioneer some projects connected to under treated womens issues is the same as blowing things up?

I think the problem is a formely programmed person would come to realize its existence and if working with a special population like sex workers..guess what I would probly find alot of in that population? You guessed it.
This is the reason prostitutes have to stay scapegoated in our society-hidden.

I had this great little idea that there should be some help for workers who feel they are ready to leave the industry but have no idea how to live outside that reality. This society needs this badly. We disgard these people like old greayhounds who cant race anymore.
There is untold potential and life in this population and they need a way to recondition themselves to regain thier birthright as human beings.


How is that terrorism?

The only thing I can think of is the cover story on me is so good anyone will belive anything...
ahhh but we are not dealing with a wise population.. there is a reason the only people who look ashamed at my predicament are some law enforcement and career criminals.
They know the game and they are wise enough to know this is 100% BS.

Its good they want to get rid of impressionable persons who want to blow stuff up and are brainwashed to hurt others...
Maybe someday soon they'll be forced to use it on all the 'gangstalking' perps they created-who seem to fit the same profile.

Whats especially interesting is that as usual you've got college psych types involved--opportunities for human experimentation abound. Always a bad sign..(ask me about my family's history with human experimentation).
i love the guy who's going potty over it all- "its very very new and its very very exciting"..
yeah except it can be misused.
Its not new either.
I wrote about the Tavistock deprogramming tactics and these have similarities.

Its always the same its all about control.

I dont care if people are programmers, deprogrammers, personal handlers or 'gangstalkers' its still about controlling the minds of human beings

and it has to stop. On all sides.

Even More books to read

A must read:

STASILAND by Anna Funder (Granta Books-London)

(short for Staatssicherheitsdienst, or State Security Service. East Germany)

Came out in 2003.

Read it-you'll feel better.

being blacklisted

I have been around the country, experienced all kinds of gangstalking styles and they do indeed vary be region. I was told by perps in Manchester CT outright that I was blacklisted...gee as if I couldnt have guessed. I stayed in a shelter there. The whole community of homeless are all in trouble, there is a huger group that occupied the shelter, the woman managing it was a perp. The locals who lived near by were colorful and interesting but everyone knew my story. There is one annoying old guy who lives there, he is sometimes known as santa becuz of his white beard and fat stomach. He is a character however and when he is not trying to coax a woman upstairs to his place he can be very amusing by standing by his front stairs recounting stories of how he used to do martial arts Murder Inc type work for 'the wiseguys'....whether true or not is unimportant. I doubt he could've told me anything important except for the cover story. So if he says i am blacklisted he is a cover story supporter even if he knows the mc survivor story or not.

I wonder often how much each faction knows, really. I seem to know more than split factions becuz i have talked to all sides and put all the info they know together. Plus, i know what is in my own memory, whats left of it.

BUt sometimes I fear that the reason the gangstalking is so bad and people act like they dont care about the crime of slavery thru mind control is perhaps becuz programmed people may not remember certain events and maybe the only people who do not know about mind control slavery is the enslaved themselves. How horrible would it be to wake up and realize only you did not know what is going on and everyone else does.

I have no idea how much the general public really know about all this. They certainly seem to not care at all. I have seen enough nationwide and thru talking other allegedly targeted persons
to know that alot of people are in on the organized stalking...whether this is always an extension of psy ops or just the civilian factions I do not know. The tactics that are similar.
So why should people sympathize if they are benefitting?
It could just be a case of if it isnt happening to them, its not thier problem. Also, the authority figure has not made mind control real for the public yet.

Yes, as usual, the public especially in NATO 'free' countries need the authority figure to validate the existence of things plain in front of their faces for them. In the USA you could instill the public perception that the sun does not exist.....many conspiracy theorists will investigate the possible existence of this elusive firey ball of gas but what real proof do they have! The public would all know they were just cranks, damn it...though a portion of the population would stare up in the sky during a bright day and 'see' the sun, but only momentarily believe it.
Perhaps with enough exposure of the viewpoint that this bright ball of gas actually exists in our skies, the general public would begin to look out to the atmosphere and accept with much reservation, that what they see plainly in front of thier faces is actually there. Always suspect however...just a little suspect.

We can plainly see this with the environmental issues . Only recently did the issue become really 'real ' to the public. For 40 years or so concerned people and scientists (who's job it is to know more than the general public) have been trying to voice on these issues and only in the '90s did it seem to really take.
I talked to someone recently who's moving with a medical business to a new location. One of the things she mentioned was to .."green it up a little" in reference plans for the newly built location.

People still arent getting this...hasnt anybody noticed how uncomfortable it seems when the sun is out during the day? maybe its just for those of us who are targeted. I feel I am hit way harder during any sun or heat and it seems to ease when dusk comes...of course for me it stops at 12 midnight and begins at 6 am every morning.
I noticed when it snowed in MO one day , alot of snow for them that it was like I wasnt targeted that day at all.

I have an idea that whatever is being used has trouble functioning through snowy weather or very stormy rainy weather, like thunderstorms.
Its very bad in area where thier is alot of sun and heat, which unfortunately becuz of mold exposure I usually need for my health to be maximized.

Any way people just do not feel they need to be concerned about something like mind control if it isnt an issue for them or if it isnt validated as reality by the establishment. Often people who matter die of cancer...people who are expendable are targeted. Perhaps that is why no one cares.
I assume every one agrees with the decision for the targeted person to suffer indignity or commit suicide.

The tech targeting lately consists of alot of low level sexual stimulation, like on a loop, cyclical.
It make me very unhappy but it seems to work for suggestion. Lately its very strong suggestion to commit myself and say I imagined everything from the ex being a dealer and a jerk to the mold exposure and apologizing to Olnck, even wanting to pay them back from the sign out of court (i was forced into of course by the most intense gangstalking period to date. Its fun to be sued by a mc survivor isnt it? we are already targeted and its almost immposible for us to 'tell' what really transpired. Actually I believe the mold was on purpose...with out suing the a-holes would've tried to say my memory loss and behavior while living there was mental illness, which perps tried to suggest anyway..suing was the best thing i ever did. Remember, my targeting is intergenerational and they reallllyy want to make it look like its genetic mental illness. unfortunately, this isnt the fuckin '60s anymore and cover ups are alot harder to pull of than they used to be. Whats interesting about nowadays is that the public ARE informed and knowledgable but choose to ignore facts, which is making our world more dangerous than ever[if you enjoy freedom] becuz it proves people in this country can be strong armed and intimidated jsut as easily as any other country now or in history.....
what an intersting experiement.. to give the public an source for information so they can really no longer say they did not know about a subject then impose fear and intimidation, jsut to see if they will cave in or fight.
Its really not the fault of the people. The situation we are in now started with alot of factors introdued over many years which i wont get into, but i can see as plainly as any one else... raising the cost of everything so high, instilling people with irresistable want and a vicious greed/keep up with the Jones or any one else for that matter, making alot of things much more inaccessable or difficult than they used to be and cutting benefits and retirement at people's jobs as well as job security.
The changes made during my life time in the last 30 years or so are insane. People are going to go insane...then if they react in a healthy way by being depressed or angry they need psych meds.. Also introduce so much info on the net that they become overwhelmed especially with all the ads and the pop ups and bullshit-
you have a society that has been set up for ultimate stress out and the population turns off and numbs itself and I cannot blame them. I really cant.
I chose to chase truths thru my life and investigate first myself and then when i awoke from programming, the world around me, which i see more clearly at times than others only becuz i did not see it at all for years BECUZ of my programming. i had not internalized alot of things society uses to control adults. Also, i was not supposed to live past a certain age so i only did as programmed. I never had children or got married or bought a home. I have more time to investigate things and nothing really to lose except my life which as someone with internal programming losing ones life isnt really important anyway.

its sad most people think i was a self obsessed loner. its what the jerks targeting me wanted and itll stick. when yer waking up from programming alot of things happen, alot of other survivors were lucky they seemed to have resources or found people to help them. The only thing i had was my intel and my intuition but they got me good and their timing was prophetic. I have been defined by others and i am sure in a society looking for targets and opportunities to judge people i will not last very long and the outcome of being a high profile hate object is an expected one.

I have fared better than most of my economic level and education level but inner resources will only have me survive for so long.
the fact everyone is ignoring the injustices that were done to me is killing me slowly(on top of everything else they do to you) and the actions of me trying to go to school and get help thru therapists at that period of time i was in my Brighton apartment.....i was waking from programming and it was my last chance to make anything out of my life. The assholes knew that and they slammed me. I refuse to try to rebuild or make my life over again.
Why should I ? After the complete raliroad job they did to me?
But what is the price of one half crazed female loner with a sordid past and no one wants her around anymore amyway, not her family, her ex her former associates who are all criminals anywy?
She knows too much. And of course, all you hav eto do with me is target me and i will talk wayyyy to mcuh, then you black mail every one i 'embarassed' becuz u put cameras in my apartment for jsut that purpose, then, like with all wonderful gangstalking campaigns you have a web or network of victims you can play agaisnt the original target-you make bank, you keep the Targets friends and associates under control lest they try to assist or save her from her fate and
best of all you have MORE perps who want rid of her now.

Arent they efficient? you have to wonder just how long this sort of thing has been going on. it seems like the work of sophiticated, experienced criminals thats for sure. Max damage min evidence, exposure is used exploit target further,perceptions are easily managed, money is squeezed out of other targeted persons involved who also serve as support after being turned....no waste, no muss.
I had people trying to warn me about hte building but it was to late.. giving me a multi page packet in something slightly related to housing, heavily cincentrating on the cell phone repeaters on top of the building...
ok, i get it, all Targets at this point get it. I have stayed at other places that are for purpose of low income , like old hotels and the repeaters there are also used to target people.
Its horrible and it isnt sci fi its happening now.
I suggest moving into a f*cking Faraday cage in a building with concrete and steel and no cell phone reception--and no perp or stupid neighbors with signal enhancers either.
Recently I read a target blogging that it doesnt do any good with other types of 'non-lethal' weapons.

So i can only assume from what i just wrote that anyone targeted is fucking dead and alot of the population knows about it and do not care for a nuber of reasons.
I highly doubt they will ever step up and do anything about this issue.

I think they probly believe that if you are being hit at this level that you are indeed a danger or truly undesirable and you probably should go.

Its easy to get rid of me, i had nothing to begin with but obviously i had alot that was important to someone becuz its very important to get rid of me.

It wont be much longer....i really am very unhappy and i look awful. The growing up process i was involved in after waking up from programming was interupted and it will stay interupted.

As long as no one acknowledges the interference with my affairs or the interuption of my deprogramming process as real or valid I will continue, on a loop, to be interupted.
The behavior modification program i am obviously in is incrdibly shame based and is seeking a complete submission from me. It keeps idealizing surrender, submission, docility, humility based on humiliation not true healthy humblness, non aggression, weakness not strenghth, ideal gentle care taking femininity not goddess/warrior/artist/advocate for suffering peoples....it idealizes, with perps intimations as well sex with only one male preferably a husband who will
'handle'me, sex only as often as the man asks for and only when the male initiates--a total lack of female aggression or even assertiveness.
The perps have helped with suggestion over many years concerning these issues. I have been perped repeatedly with insulting references and intimatioins concerning my aggression (whilst perhaps i was only being tenacious or assertive) , my (former) healthy high sex drive, my natural athleticism, my drive, my warlikeness... in general my much more natural urge to behave like a normal European woman and not an American one.
Considering all my ancestors came over on the Third wave of immigration the way I am does not suprise me at all nor should it suprise any one else.

Yet when you are trying to handle someone who you formerly had under control...
yes, now i see. All these qualities are great when under somone elses control....to serve others these traits are wonderful, but under the will of a pissed of wronged female i can see how they would be most undesirable.

By the way, if you dont want to get blackmailed i highly suggest you cut off the balls of bullshit just LIKE project chatter...dont let them target people who know to much and conveniently stick cameras in thier apartments to catch it all for thier greedy purposes ...oh, and if you are going to go along with being intimidated you might just want to not be cliche and shoot the messenger-
yet unfortunately that might be one of the conditions you have to agree to to make it out of the situation alive...
Getting rid of old mc survivors whilst marketing it to the desperate, intimidated, greedy masses for fun and amusment 101.

Get a clue. Not everything is Amrican Idol, sometimes people just want to sing to themselves for themselves.. And not everything is a reality show either. Some people actually have rich inner lives-especially when thier is a crisis in the life of a human, the imagination can serve as a great healer of the mind and body.
But how would YOU the public know any of this--you are so fuckin dark, you are so black inside, you are so enslaved. You actually do not realize what is healthy for you and what is not based on your own judgement.
And how did this become MY f*kin problem? The public are so spoilt nowadays with being handed human sacrifices tho keep them amused (diverted) that they think anyone is fair game.
They dont realize that there is a network of really bad people out there who want to get rid of people like me who were waking up and had the luxury of realizing there is a world out there that needs help. My attitude was always that if i am so damn smart i have an obligation to help others.
I have talked to old timer targets. I am told the people in this system of oppression i just mentioned do not want people who will help humanity or geniunely love thier fellow man.
they want to be rid of people like us and make sure all our lofty ideals are destroyed before we can make reality out of them.

Perhaps this was the purpose of the slackers. My generation figured doing nothing might be the best form of rebellion if one is not sure of what WILL work.
Now i realize that waiting until now was the best option, but of course the jerks are right there, waiting for you the minute you get going.
I bet they have been especially watching gen-x straglers who havent sold out for years now. Its easy to get people who were raised on June and Ward Cleaver to eventually revert to that in old age-especailly after a nice dose of disillusion, but its a hell of a lot harder to get rid of kids who were raised to question authority from infancy. Who were told not to be ashamed thier bodies, to express themselves freely. Even after we make negotiations with the adult world in our own adulthood etc, the basis of belief is still unwavering-unless you are like those awful sorts i have seen who go the opposite way completely for whatever thier reasons.

I was listening to an 80's song yesterday on you tube....someone had urged i listen but their cd was busted. i noticed as i observed alone that it was comforting. it was a heavily tech dependant track...
Tron, alot of 80's music.. technology befriending mankind not used to enslave him.
Thats how it was in the past. Computer tech was experienced as comforting and even healing becuz in my perception it was in a form in harmony with mankind as the result would be if man were in harmony with the more harmless, pleasant aspects of the natural world.
Tech now is being used to stress humans out; to enslave people. Even techno has grown into a force that became more agressive and now it permeates thru the sorld of music as a hypnotic enslaving sound, replacing natural human rythms.
I no longer experience tech as a helper but as an enslaver. i beleive alot of humanity would agree with me. But i am 37, i remember things as they were.
as usual, young people adapt and grow...i do not know what they are expereicing through the new way technology 'behaves' in societies across the world.

I really feel that people in general are out of touch with how much pain they are in and are experiencing overload and this is always good for enlsaving people.

what went on in my lifef, what the assholes did to me is no mystery to me...it jsut isnt important, teh big picture is important.

unfortunatley i am not going to make it. its too much, knowing how much i have lost including my future, but this is what they plan for you when you are born into these families.
The attitude from perps is things like "u can take it" "its not hurting you" "yer strong" "it coulve been worse" and generally that i have no rights anyway. they especialy love to bring up a lack of power and money also as good reason for me being in this position
gee, maybe i should have just obeyed my suicide programming...that was free to me via my internal programming and it only took the power of alifetimes worth of pain to make it happen which i certainly had agreat reserve of.
And i would not be here now, suffering......
see how you can tell they are shaming you and they are so wrong adn full of shit?
I was supposed to anyway, (duh) and your nasty organized stalking/psy ops network has been pushing in this direction since 1996 in a fairly overt manner anyway, so it doesnt matter how i 'go' as long as i 'go'.