When I was younger I could deal with multitasking and leading a normal life as well as doing this online 'activism'. I could separate danger from what I could trust.
It becomes harder as you age to be able to play people's games and remain emotionally uninvolved thus unaffected. I think as we age especially in women when the estrogen leaves for good it feels like we want to nest or make homes that actually work with people we can trust.
The problem is that working with the these theories you realize early on that your going to be surrounded by compromised people. Such people are going to work for or be handled by corrupt authorities and don't usually have a good moral compass.
I am so sick of being surrounded by nothing but handled or compromised people. I'm becoming vulnerable and want just to be able to 'retire' as it were and be around genuine people I can trust. That's not how this works however and it's pretty inconvenient to run out of morale, armor, weapons and Intel at the end stretch of a mission.
Imagine if knights on a life long or decades long quest got hit with something like menopause and age? You just feel like dropping every sword and spear and all the armor, giving up the horse and just walking away. What a horrible way to end a story.
However, that's what it feels like. Also young people become unrecognizable as peers and young females especially become viscous and behave with disregard because of the lack of estrogen. I now observe their behavior as being totally foreign to mine and I see clearly everything they do is based on hormones, pheromones and the fact that their appearance buys them power in society. Power they aren't aware of and power they don't understand won't be there forever.
Young females seem to behave viscously because they can sense you're 'out of gas'.
It's very easy for people to get to me nowadays. Ive become vulnerable. People can entrap me into a situation and manipulate my behavior by making me nervous. Ive lost so much credibility in the past many years by wanting a safe place to rest and to believe in people nstead of focusing on finishing what I started years ago. I didn't realize biological life changes would shift my priorities whether I liked it or not.
This was all supposed to have been done by now and I was supposed to be done with 2 books and moved on in life to painting and writing ...things I should have been doing when this started back after 9/11.
Something about women's estrogen allows us to outplay people who are playing us. It's as if we can keep it all straight in our heads. Women want things or need things and they get them. Women have strength to persevere and estrogen to calm males and quickly sooth stress and wounds people cause us. Men will follow you to the ends of the earth or off a cliff. Once that estrogen goes it all changes. You just want life to be normal and you want the world to be good. You want to see your life's work change things not the world to go on as it does.
I haven't even created much less released the information that would have had such an effect. I've been surrounded by people I cannot trust who don't have my best interest at heart all because I got so severely sidetracked being framed in 2016 that I sought security and stability at any cost and now it's a prison.
It's pretty annoying to see that I've been more effectively neutralized this way than anything that was tried before I was framed and now of course gotten old. I've essentially nuetralized myself over the long term in the interest of survival.
I've become what I swore I never would many years ago as a kid: a fake adult who's formed a personality based on fear and conformity that has no genuine Self just.in order to survive.
That's fine for nomal people but after that I've been through and after what I've seen it's inhumane.
The people I have subjected myself to over the past many years I would never have taken favors from nor depended on before. I would have known better and I would have been stronger with a much more cavalier attitude.
It doesn't help that in Massachusetts a lot of the decent and good people have left during either Trump or Biden. There's just nothing left of the culture here. I observed it changing over many years when I would come and go when I was traveling. I was supposed to settle down someplace else and write books but certainly not here. It's like staying in the dragons lair when you haven't slain the dragon yet. It's downright careless.
Believe me predators are having an easy time of it now. Menopause is very isolating and if I had known I would have made a different situation for myself before hand. It's like a forced retirement due to a biological event you cannot control.
Imagine iif a bunch of soldiers just dropped their weapons, wandered off the battlefield and wanted to just eat, watch TV and be safe all day.
This is a very dangerous time. Now I understand the need for children (grandchildren) and families and long time acquaintances and friends. Not a battlefield of either untrustworthy or unstable people.
I think being injured and not being able to self heal anymore physically or otherwise has bacome unbearable.
This is a warning to all people working with these theories. Especially females
Get your defensive fight over with and establish yourself and get your work out and get out. Don't let the system slow you down so that things drag on. Make a plan to settle someplace that isn't the original place where the ordeal started and find 'the good people' and built a life that's safe with safe people for your dying years.
I've cared for an elder whos in this situation and neglect and negligence especially medical is a great way to get rid of older people without anyone knowing what happened. If I hadn't been around to intervene, that elder would have suffered that fate. Their quality of life never got up to what it could have been due to their not understanding this system or the GS theories as well as handlers working every angle they can like a person's insecurities or narcissism etc.
You've got to be forever vigilant but for aging females that becomes difficult.
Reality especially the covert wars and soldiering on in it, becomes an unbearable reality. The rewards are gone and there is only suffering. You begin focusing on the fact that one day soon you will close your eyes and not wake up again. When your young death doesn't seem to mean anything. Even when you think about it, some of us don't genuinely consider it or even accept it. Menopause takes that away. It's a cruel joke to tell you to live past 30 and life is worth something when in fact it changes nothing and then death is a burden because you force yourself to stay around long enough to learn to live and enjoy living but then you realize you have to die.
What absolutely is the point of any of that? We aren't naturally supposed to live this long anyway and now I understand wny-human life no long has value the longer people live.
There's one thing I can't stand about the world as it is now-people are losing their humanity and the number one thing I see a lack of is DIGNITY.
I certainly aren't doing myself any favors by dragging this on and taking on more responsibility than I can handle on top of the Colossus I was burdened with after 9/11.
I recall what I've learned from watching a lot of air crash investigations. I am stubbornly pushing through a plan that no longer works and it's going to make me crash. I'm also horrible at 'situational awareness' nowadays because of everything I've mentioned.
With estrogen everything is easier. Older women bring an ultimate kind of wisdom about life and our planet. I now understand why it's so imperitive that a dysfunctional, horrible system in our world has to ensure no one listens to aged women and why it's engineered generation aftet generation to make sure younger people don't listen to old people and don't take on traditions. Not meaningless ones but important things like ancestral music etc.
If you play this right you can quit in safety but if not you can bet on this system always being there and it never quits. If you don't retire correctly it will indeed finish you off. Its always there waiting.
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